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 Two Scoops: April 02, 2007 columns
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Did you ever have to make up your mind?
For the Week of April 02, 2007
Wow. It must suck to be a chick in Port Charles these days?
Wow. It must suck to be a chick in Port Charles these days? Lulu's Choice- Milo, Spinelli or Dillon? Carly's Choice -Sonny or Jax? Robin's Choice -Patrick, or a dead poisoned Nikolas? Elizabeth's Choice- Lucky, or her Baby's Daddy, Jason? The women of G.H face a mind numbing dilemma; Which Soapalicious Hunks will they choose?

Dear readers, I want to thank you - many of you wrote and were concerned about me- but have no fear, I was merely on vacation. My best friend flew in for my birthday, and we all headed to Vegas for a surreal weekend in which we encountered both Elvis in full white sequined jumpsuit, and Captain Jack Sparrow sporting full Pirate Regalia. He was drinking Heineken which is just plain wrong as everyone knows Pirates prefer rum. So like the chicks of GH, we had to face the brutal decision of whether to hang with Elvis or Captain Jack Sparrow. The pirate won out, mostly because Elvis was trying to sell us a time share and Captain Jack just wanted to drink. Vacation was the reason I wasn't here. I didn't watch GH for nearly 2 weeks, and confess I am still not sure which rock Mr. Craig crawled out from under to poison Nikolas. Thanks to Sue Ellen for stepping in to cover for me while I was away. :

I have to confess I *could* have watched GH, I mean they do have TV's in hotel rooms in Vegas, and if it was still Hostage Week at the Metro Court, it's possible I would have pried myself away from the hotel pool in the heat of the day to watch GH. But, sweeps is over, and I find myself fast forwarding and nodding off a little again, Thus, the lure of sunshine, umbrella drinks and deck chairs won out over mildly boring non sweeps week soap viewing.

One of the saddest transformations is the demise of Lorenzo Alcazar. I hate to see Ted King leave GH, but I fully understand why he's ready to move on. He was one of the most interesting leading men in Daytime for awhile - an intellectual almost History Professor forced to step into Mob life by his wayward family. Lorenzo could be ruthless and brutal one minute and so tender the next your eyes would leak tears without even meaning to. He was dangerous, but also a true romantic- an enigma we found endlessly watchable; and drop dead gorgeous as a bonus. So how did we get to this - where he is faking brain damage and putting his child's mother in danger as his unwitting cover for some shady business dealings? They've ruined Lorenzo, and Skye along with him. Her months of hiding away while she was pregnant to keep her baby safe and vehemently rejecting any contact with Lorenzo due to his dangerous mob lifestyle now seems like a big fat lie since Lila Rae is home with a nanny while Skye plays Mob Boss? Seriously, do the writers think we forget that quickly? Sadly for them, I forget nothing. I can still sing Conjunction Junction and I haven't heard it since I was 10.

Also a major snooze to me is the Sam as a TV Host storyline. Every time the writers concoct a front burner storyline for Sam, it's utterly ridiculous. 'The Dead Man's Hand', anyone? How about the lady who kidnapped Sam and forced her to ballroom dance? This is another one of those sorts of storylines. Okay, so it seems Sam has a bunch of aliases. Well, we knew she was a con woman in the past, so where is the big shock in that? And why is the Amelia the Snooty TV Producer so interested? Did Sam con her aging Grandma out of her inheritance? Does that watch she's wearing have some secret Power of Isis medallion? In truth, I could care less. When I see TV Producer chick walk on screen, I hit fast forward until she's gone. The day they showed up at Jason's with racks of clothes, I wondered where all the security was that keeps people from barging into the Mob Hit man's place and plugging him? Apparently with Max over at the Metro Court and Milo dogging around Lulu, there is no one at the Penthouse entrance to keep freaks away from Jason.

Another storyline not juicy enough to drag me away from the pool - Maxie's going to steal a copy of the Police Exam for Cooper. Zzzzzz. So, Sonny is working to get Cooper into the PCPD, while Ric is trying to get Cruz Rodriguez to spy on Sonny, which Cruz wisely declined. Does anyone else see it coming? Hmmm, if I were a betting woman, (which I would be if I had any money left from Vegas) I would bet that after Lucky finds out Jason is the father of Liz's baby he will be more than happy to work with Ric on spying on Jason and Sonny. Just a hunch. So…Maxie is going to help Cooper cheat on his Police test, even though she really doesn't want him to be a cop. In her spare time (like when she is supposed to be working at the boutique) she's blackmailing Scott along with the aid of Logan who keeps denying he has a personal vendetta against Scott, although we all know he does. Frankly, none of this matters to me at all, and if Maxie, Cooper, and Logan all vanished, I wouldn't care where they went.

In general, I do care about Carly, but I was bored with the "Will she choose Jax or Sonny?" storyline way back when Brenda was the girl with the choice. Has Carly forgotten she has kids? Where are Michael and Morgan? Did Sonny send them to the island for Spring break? And Jax was gone for months "looking for Jerry" but where is Jerry now? Did he leave him in the jungle with the thugs who were after him? And Sonny has his hands full with Jason's brain damaged idea to use The Cellar (which I thought got destroyed completely in the big Faith Roscoe machine gun battle.) They all have more important issues to contend with than musical beds. And since when did Jax and Sonny start taking women on dates at Jake's the biggest dive bar in town? Has Sonny forgotten his hatred for Coleman for turning Courtney into a stripper? Apparently so since now he's paying money to drink and shoot pool in that little rat hole bar.

Mr. Craig is one creepy villain, so it will be interesting to see how he deals with precious little Kristina now that Alexis has passed out in Nikolas' wildflower bed (who knew he had one?) For all the people who go on and on about how evil Rick is to get custody of Molly, I think Friday's incident justifies his position. Imagine if Molly had also been out on the bluffs with Alexis when she fainted…She could be down at the bottom of the cliff in the water by now. In Alexis' weakened state, she really needs to make the nanny travel with her so when she collapses someone coherent is around to watch her kids.

Speaking of being coherent, Nikolas is in and out of consciousness too, thanks to Mr. Craig's secret poison. His scam to have Robin and Nik pretend to be in love is twisted, which is Mr. Craig's forte. Of course, as they keep pointing out to him, no one in their right mind will believe that Nikolas dumped Emily suddenly and that Robin dumped Patrick suddenly, so I predict it's only a matter of time until someone gets wise to the lie. Of course, let's home that happens before Mr. Craig makes them consummate their union and Robin ends up impregnated with Nikolas' love child.

In the meantime, Nik's sister Lulu is involved in some freaky speed dating problem in which Milo, Spinelli and Dillon have all expressed an interest in her, while Logan is trying to inch his way in as well. What, is she wearing that musk that emits pheromones or something? I mean, Lulu is cute, but she's not all that nice when you get right down to it, she's selfish and mouthy - is that really a big draw for guys? And let's not forget Professor Pete who seemed to be into her for a brief time, but then went for Georgie instead as he apparently needed adoration and fawning. If I were Lulu, Milo wouldn't even get the time of day from me; it would be a two horse race between Spinelli and Dillon. Sure, Spinelli is weird, but I dig weird and trying to decipher his Spinelli lingo would like a little puzzle to solve every day. On the other hand, Dillon is a film geek and quirky and I find that appealing, too - so Lulu has two solid candidates in my mind. Of course, Scott Baldwin thinks she is blackmailing him, and has made veiled threats, so a thug like Milo could come in handy as a body guard.

Lulu is a little preoccupied now by the secret of Liz' baby's paternity but Jason has convinced her to keep her mouth shut for the moment. But, she's not really the sort of person who has self control, so I suspect she will spill the beans eventually. Just be glad Robin doesn't know it, revealing baby's paternity is her specialty.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will someone rip that horrid polyester paisley dress off Carly and make it into curtains for the disco lounge at the hotel? Will Patrick hit on Epiphany now that Kelly turned down his advances? Will Mr. Craig help Kristina pick some more flowers in the meadow before he finds a way to torture her? Will Jason bring back Brill Cream? Will Alan's ghost haunt Edward into hiring Ned back at ELQ so we can see him again before another Q funeral? Will Lorenzo pretend he doesn't know Lila Rae or forget he is supposed to have brain damage when he sees her shiny little face? Will Logan keep hating Scott in secret, or will he eventually blow up and spill his big scary Scott related secret?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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