When I was a kid, my Grandma and Grandpa lived next door, and we sometimes ate dinner together. My favorite times were when Grandma would call and say it was "Mish Mosh" night. This basically meant a supreme buffet of leftovers from previous meals. So, you could get a little pot roast, a little macaroni and cheese, (the real stuff, not from a box) some biscuits and gravy, maybe half a of a meatloaf sandwich, maybe a Jell-O salad with fruit in it, maybe a little piece of applesauce cake, or a little rhubarb pie with Dream Whip - you just never knew what wonders awaited you. When I was trying to come up with a title for this week's column, "Mish Mosh" was the only title I could think of, and since I've never heard anyone but people in my family use it, I felt compelled to explain…
And Mish Mosh is what GH gave us this week. A little Sam getting a job she's not qualified for because she's sleeping with Jason, a murder attempt on Lorenzo, a little Maxie skanking around pretending to fall for sympathy, a little Lulu skulking around Georgie's attic, a bit of blackmail with Sonny forcing Carly into marriage, a little scheme to blackmail Ric which blew up in Carly's face, a little Helena deviousness, a little Father Freakshow Ruiz trolling around the hospital corridors, a little detective work by Liz and Epiphany to expose Maxie's lies- a little staged car wreck to fool Nikolas into thinking Spencer is dead, a little Georgie flirting with her professor while denying it profusely, a little Skye pretending to be a Mob contact, some comic relief as Jason has to translate Spinelli's diatribes for Sonny, and a little animal cruelty with Maxie using a lost puppy to score points with Lucky.
I don't even know where to begin…I think I'll start with Sam. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I'm on Tracy's side this time. Sam has no visible job skills other than the fact she is sleeping with Jason. She has never kept a job more than a few months, she has no education, she fought with people at the PCPD, (okay, Ric, but still…) she fought with people at GH, and now she gets to be the executive assistant to Edward Quartermaine? She got her job at the hospital because she is sleeping with Jason and Alan overrode Ms. Sneed to get her in. That lasted a week. And now, she got a job at ELQ because she is sleeping with Jason and Edward thinks he can woo her into giving up some future baby to his for an heir.
Little does Edward know Jason's heir is across town in Elizabeth's womb…Of course, I only know Elizabeth is pregnant because she keeps talking about it, as after months of pregnancy, she still has no discernable Baby Bump. Maybe it's the bulky scrubs that are hiding it, or maybe her baby is only the size of a Bing Cherry after all these months because she never, ever eats. But, I digress. Sam really hit the jackpot when she gave it up to Jason. It's like a free pass to jobs other people fight for without ever having to train or get the necessary skills to hold such a job. Man, why did I waste my time in college and paying off all those thousands of dollars in student loans when I could have just slept with a mobster whose parents owns a Fortune 500 company? I was so happy when Epiphany cornered Sam and told her about her selfish ungrateful self and reminded her of all the things people had done to help her escape, including Liz.
Dealing with a verbal lashing from Sam was the least of Liz's worries. Liz…Like all women, she can spot a woman playing a guy from a mile off. She smelled a rat and now has the facts to back it up. Maxie was never pregnant, and all of Lucky's sympathy is being wasted on a Lying Faker. I want Liz to slap her so badly. I am a non violent sort, and I have never slapped and person in my life, but please GH writers, let me live vicariously through Liz and let her take a good crack at Maxie's face. Please? OTOH, I feel sad for Lucky. He's going to find out Maxie was never pregnant, but also eventually he will find out that Liz's baby isn't his either, and aside from the fact that he made disturbingly awful choices while he was hopped up on pills, Lucky has always been a good guy. I will give Maxie credit for one small thing - when she said "Lucky is still really into Music, even though no one bothers to talk to him about it." All of her lies aside, she actually does seem interested in knowing him as a person and I think we all hope for that. Her methods are unforgivable though, so don't think for an instant I am letting her off the hook.
Sonny isn't letting Carly off the hook either, even though his lawyer made it clear that she doesn't have to marry him anymore. Lorenzo's accomplice gave up the goods and proved that Sonny was acting in self defense, so Carly's testimony is a moot point, as Ric has no case -it's clear the Lorenzo went into Sonny's office with the intent to kill. This is a horrible thing for Sonny to do. Sonny is inflicted with an illness I have seen in many men; it's called the "I don't want you but no one else can have you" syndrome. For years, Sonny has belittled Carly and screamed at her and told her they are no good for one another, that they can never get back together, that they are poison to each other and now, she has FINALLY moved on, met someone else, fallen in love and is about to marry and NOW Sonny decides he loves her and wants her back? Run for your life Carly, don't get sucked back in. Wait for Jax. She won't of course, because she thinks she has to marry Sonny to keep him out of jail as she can't be made to testify against him if they are married. She's doing the right thing for her kids, to keep their dad out of jail, but probably sacrificing her one chance at happiness for herself. Mom's make those sorts of sacrifices sometimes, even slightly crazy Mob Mom's like Carly.
I want to know who writes the dialogue for Spinelli and I want to nominate them for an award, or kiss them, or buy them a Cinnamon Dolce Latte or pay for a manicure on those wonderful hands that type that hysterical blathering of his. In one of the week's funniest scenes, Spinelli is rambling on and on about Carly in his Spinelli speak
Spinelli: No -- no worries. The Valkyrie is at large and in charge of her own destiny. It's all good.
Sonny: What does that mean?
Spinelli: Well, it -- the Valkyrie -- the one who you would shackle with marriage -- is taking down the dastardly D.A. in a fierce fight for her freedom.
Jason: Carly went after Ric.
Jason reduces Spinelli's entire diatribe to 4 words, and he's the one who is supposedly brain damaged.
But being multi-dimensional, GH didn't deprive us of tragedy this week either, or at least supposed tragedy. Nikolas and Emily were frantically searching for baby Spencer and Nanny McFreak, and finally catch up with her just as her car careens over an embankment and into an icy river. This, of course, is a ploy of Helena's to snatch Spencer, who is now safely on her lap in some corporate jet with his deranged Great Grandma. Helena assumes that Colleen was killed as she gloats to Spencer about her clever scheme, but the previews for next week show Colleen confronting Emily, so I guess Helena's goons weren't as thorough as she believes. Sadly, Nikolas doesn't know Spencer is okay and he fears the worst. His sorrow bursts off the screen, the police physically hold him back as his impulse is just to dive down that hill and look for his missing baby. He is wracked with fear and pain and frustration and for me, Tyler Christopher's stellar acting was the highlight of the week dramatically. I knew Spencer was okay. I knew Helena had him but when Nikolas cried, I cried with him. Tyler possesses this incredibly vulnerable quality that makes you feel everything he feels - he draws me in every time and I've been watching soaps for years, you know how jaded I am. But he gets me every time. He's too big for a TV screen, IMHO, Tyler Christopher belongs in feature films in dramatic roles wowing the critics and winning Oscars. Mind you, I would hate to lose him from GH, but his talent can't be contained forever.
What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Skye become kingpin of the arms traders while Lorenzo sleeps? Will Georgie get extra credit for all her sucking up? Will Leticia ever tell Michael he's a kid and can't just pack up his things and move instead of letting him run things when she's left alone with him? Will Colleen dye her hair blond and get a job at Kelly's without being spotted? Will possibly fake Father Ruiz perform the Corinthos' Nuptials? Will Lulu find Rick's Weber's date book taped inside Monica's toilet in a Ziploc bag?