Where shall I begin?
First, let's take a look at the past week's nonsense. I'm in a choir. There are over 100 people in it. We started learning our Christmas music last September. If some freak would have shown up and thrown on a choir robe and tried to sing with us on Christmas Eve, we would have wrestled her to the ground and broken her glasses so she couldn't see the music. No choir on Earth would let a total stranger mess with their fine harmonic blends and nuances on the night of the big Christmas Pageant. And this choir only had 8 people in it, so it's not like she could have slipped in unnoticed.
That's the kind of thing that drives me nuts when I watch GH. I went to College, I learned about the "Suspension of Disbelief" theory. The definition from Wikpedia says "Suspension of disbelief refers primarily to the willingness of viewer to accept the premises of a work of fiction, even if they are fantastic or impossible. However, suspension of disbelief is a do ut des: (I give that you may give; reciprocity)- the audience agrees to provisionally suspend their judgment in exchange for the promise of entertainment. Inconsistencies or plot holes that violate the initial premises, established canon, continuity, or common sense, are often viewed as breaking this agreement. For particularly loyal fans, these 'dealbreakers' are usually accompanied by a sense of betrayal."
And sadly, GH has betrayed us this year. The worst instance was the "Oh yeah, we knew Laura would only come back temporarily from the start." Talk that happened well into Laura's "Awakening." MMMM Hmmm. No, we didn't know that. They threw it in later. Or who can forget the "Bad Batch of Condoms" saga, wherein Lulu, Liz and Maxie all 3 got knocked up on the same night as Dillon, Jason and Lucky apparently use the same brand of condoms. Dillon had an excuse, he works at ELQ, so they probably have them in the Men's Room Vending Machine, but haven't Lucky and Jason ever heard of Trojans? Creepy nanny McFreak puts on some Clark Kent glasses and dyes her hair black and no one recognizes here. Manny suddenly has a twin brother named Mateo who got IDENTICAL TATTOOS with him? C'mon. Really. And, reaching to the Ghosts of Nonsense past - during the epidemic storyline, Robin was roaming the halls freely without a mask, breathing the germy air of the virus victims, and you'd think an HIV positive Doc like Robin who knew full well the dangers of a weakened immune system would have considered taking precautions. My favorite nonsense that is oft repeated is travel time. For instance, Sonny is "at the island" while Michael begins making a peanut butter sandwich. Sonny calls to check on things, and Michael says "Jax is kissing Mommy!" before Michael gets the jelly on his bread, Sonny is back home after a 42 second flight from Puerto Rico. Just a few examples of times the writers assumed we weren't paying attention…
Next on the list of things that suck- mysteriously dropped storylines. Lucas came out as gay after a gay bashing - made friends with Guy, and - Poof. Gone. No one ever said "Hey what happened to Lucas and Guy" - not even Bobbie. She's too busy finding a gown for Carly's 14th wedding. (My family doesn't call me Exaggerato for nothing.) How about the girls sharing an apartment? Robin, Lainey, and Dr. Lee were all living in Courtney's old place for exactly ONE DAY, and we have never seen them there since. Robert is supposedly running the Haunted Star, but it's never open and we haven't seen Robert since Luke's wedding. Lainey is giving Sonny personal in home therapy, but he hasn't had a session for quite awhile.
Worst match ups - Sonny and Emily. Ewww. I was so delighted when that ill concieved romance ended. I know some of you liked them together but for the life of me, I can't figure out why. Then there was the one-night stand of Ric and Sam. And Maxie luring Lucky into bed with pills. Ick. If there was a Most Annoying Character of the Year Award, it would go to Maxie hands down. Her desperate clingy lying skankiness is unbearable. And now that Lucky is falling for her fake sorrow over losing her pretend baby - it's even more sickening. That opinion does not reflect at all on Kirsten Storms, she's doing a fine job acting like an annoying skank, it's the writers I have issues with for turning Maxie into a one dimensional nightmare.
Tragically underused actors/characters…Wally Kurth as Ned. Seriously. Ned is Tracy's son, Dillon's brother, Jax's best friend, Alexis' ex - he has so many ties to Port Charles and they can only work him in for Thanksgiving and Christmas? I'd love to see Ned stand by Alexis through her chemo and rekindle their love affair. They were great together. Also rarely seen, Mac. Leslie. Monica. Holly. Robert. Anna. Noah Drake. Bobbie. They brought back all these "Legacy characters" and then only drag them out for parties. Stupid. And now, most tragically the impending loss of Stuart Damon as Alan. Why tragic? Because the boneheads have fired him and are planning to kill him off during February Sweeps. Now, to some of you newer viewers, you'd say "So what?" as you have only seen him reading the Christmas Story at the hospital party once a year, or various other background scenes. But for those of us who have been watchinng awhile? He was one of our Main Men. Back in the day Alan was a fiery passionate and jealous guy - Sonny without the guns. So think about that. 10 years from now, some network exec will say "You know, that Maurice Benard is too old now, let's kill off Sonny." (Or Jason, or Lorenzo, or Jax, or …fill in the blank) Damon's 30 year run on GH means something to viewers like me who have been watching him for decades and it's unfathomable to me that they fired Prince Charming. If you have a strong opinion about this, I urge you contact ABC and let them know how you feel-
General Hospital / ABC " Comment line (voicemail): 323/671-4583 " ABC (New York offices): 212/456-7777
" Jill Farren Phelps, Executive Producer Megan McTavish, Head Writer Mary O'Leary, Carol Scott, Lisa Levenson, Producers
General Hospital c/o ABC-TV 4151 Prospect Avenue Hollywood, CA 90027
Angela Shapiro President, ABC Daytime Capital Cities, ABC, Inc. 77 West 66th Street New York, NY 10023
2006 deaths- John Durant. Courtney. Tony Jones. Diego Alcazar. Justus Ward. I can't say I miss John Durant, he annoyed me, but I do think the writers missed out on a chance to explore Carly getting to know her Dad - they actually bonded about 4 seconds before he got plugged. Tony's death was very sad, but it made sense and was well written, I miss him, but he wasn't connected to anyone on canvas anymore since Lucas vanished and Bobby only appears sporadically. Courtney's death launched a whole host of storylines, so while I miss Alicia Leigh Willis, her characters death was well written. But, hey, 2 years from now we may find out she never died and Helena had her captive in some underground dungeon. Justus' death was a "Blink and you miss it" plot, never spoken of again after the first week after his death.
All Justus' death did was make Port Charles even whiter. Diversity is a word Port Charles residents don't know. 90% of the city is apparently white Catholics. No Jews, no Protestants, no Muslims, no Hispanic families, and only Epiphany, Stan and Lainey to represent the Black Population, and only Dr. Lee to represent Asians, and all of these characters are in the background. Why can't we see Epiphany at home, or on a date, or at Kelly's eating a bowl of Chili? Why doesn't anyone in Port Charles celebrate Hannukah? Maybe Dr. Lee is a Buddhist?
And while we are on the topic of diversity, why does everyone with a plot have to be between 16 and 40? ABC could learn a great lesson from the CBS Soaps The Young and The Restless and The Bold and the Beatiful. This year, on Y and R, Victor, Jack, Katherine, John Abbott, Gloria, Jill, and other older characters had actual STORYLINES. On B and B, Stephanie just recovered memories of an abusive childhood in therapy, and with the great stunt casting of Betty White as the mother who knew and did nothing. Wow. Brilliant. Why can't GH's mature characters have lives? Why can't Bobbie and Noah revisit their love instead of being relegated to advising their kids? Why can't we see Audrey Hardy dealing with having her adult grandaughter and a toddler move in with her? Why can't Monica go and counsel Alexis on how to beat cancer? Why can't Tracy have fallen victim to the bad condoms and end up with an unexpected middle age risky pregnancy and give Lulu a litte half-sister to care for? Why can't Alan step in and mentor Dillon about getting sucked into ELQ? C'mon writers, life doesn't end at 40 - swear!
Random Queries…Why does GH keep prescribing Hydrocodone? EVERYONE they ever gave it to gets hooked on it. Why didn't Nikolas check Colleen's references BEFORE he hired her? How did Ric know where to find a duplicate of Lily's nightgown from 5 years ago? Why does Skye think Lorenzo will stop being a criminal just because she moved in with him? Why don't we ever get to see Alice in her wrestling costume? : What will happen in 2007, dear readers?