Listen, do you wanna know a secret?
For the Week of October 16, 2006
Other Two Scoops for the week of October 16, 2006
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Liz can't seem to stop telling everyone about her Big Scary Secret while constantly uttering the key phrase 'Lucky can never find out!' Well then stop telling everyone in town you ninny!

If you had an earth shattering secret -- the kind with the power and potential to wreck your life and the lives of your whole family, if you didn't want anyone to know this secret, would you go to a high traffic area and talk about it in a loud voice? No? Me neither. Liz can't seem to stop telling everyone about her Big Scary Secret while constantly uttering the key phrase "Lucky can never find out!" Well then stop telling everyone in town you ninny! If I was pregnant and didn't know who the father was, guess how many people would know? Me. Maybe my best friend. Maybe, and only after I made her pinky swear not to tell. I certainly wouldn't be blabbering about it on the docks and in the hospital corridors.

It's doubly hard to keep a secret when Sam's blaring loudmouth finds out about it. She was bellowing into the air about Liz having hit the jackpot by being pregnant with Jason's baby. Dear readers, I have to tell you I have reached my wits end with Sam these days. Do you think anyone ever read Sam fairytales as a child so she knows to stop crying Wolf? How many times can Sam drag Jason away from whatever urgent matter he is dealing with, under the guise of some "emergency" which never turns out to be an emergency before he stops responding? "Jason, I had to tell you right this exact instant that when I got the mail, Ric's hand grazed mine when he reached for his Visa bill. You know that scummy filthy pig just did that to make you jealous." I only wish Jason would say "No one cares Sam, get over yourself." But sadly, Jason never tells her that so she continues giving him reports of which part of Ric's body came in contact with hers.

The only person in Port Charles more annoying than Sam right now is Maxie. Someone should buy her the book "He's Just Not That Into You" as apparently she hasn't yet grasped that concept. Lucky has said to her face "I was just using you. I don't love you. I love my wife." And yet Skanky Ho persists in pursuing him, believing she can win him over. I've never understood women who keep throwing themselves at men who don't love them. You have to be pretty hard up to keep chasing a dude who tells you to your face he was just using you to score drugs.

Speaking of hard up -- Nanny McFreak slipped Nikolas some version of the date rape drug in his hot tea so she could sneak a kiss. First of all, who takes pills with hot tea? No one, except for weirdoes who want to burn the crap out of their throat... Next, when Emily came in and saw Colleen kissing Nikolas, why did she believe Colleen's lame story about not being able to wake Nik up? "Um yeah, I couldn't get Nik to wake up, so I thought I'd stick my tongue down his throat to try to rouse him." She's a freak show, amigo, as my friend Jill would say. And Emily's "Oh, yeah, I got all the way to Greece and found out the conference was just for surgeons." Made me spit out my MetroMint -- Hey Em! Didn't you read the brochure about the conference before you traveled overseas? I don't want anyone with that little reading comprehension to ever be MY doctor.

Jax wants to be the Doctor of Love and turned the docks into Romance Central for Carly… Readers, what on Earth has happened to Jax? He used to whisk Brenda off to New Orleans for Creole Food and Paris for breakfast croissants, and jet other babes to Marrakesh for babaghanoush and such, but poor Carly only gets a table on the docks? Talk about downsizing… I guess he's had to scale back in these tough financial times.

Jax foolishly told baby Morgan his secret plan to propose to Carly and everyone knows you can't tell a 4 year old your secrets and expect them to stay secrets. Geez, I'm surprised Liz didn't tell him about her pregnancy. Anyway, Sonny was able to pry Jax's plan to propose out of Morgan without even having to bribe him with a Pop Tart or a Tickle Me Elmo (which by the way, those talking doll things creep me out.) So we can expect Sonny to launch an all out war to keep Jax from marrying Carly.

Skye is back on canvas and it's delightful to see her. Good thing the writers tossed in a few lines about her baby being overdue, as I think she got pregnant last Christmas or something, so when her baby is finally born, he or she will probably be bigger than Molly. Lorenzo tracked her down as she suddenly couldn't resist calling Alan, (he is Prince Charming, after all) and gave away her location to Lorenzo who showed up about 11 minutes after the call ended. What, do he and Helena have some Beaming Technology rigged up down in that cryogenic lab in the hospital basement where various Cassadines may be frozen?

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will we get to see the front of Laura's head? Will Dillon start wearing Dockers and Hush Puppies? Will anyone ever notice Ned is missing? Will Robert's black eye be gone by Monday? Will Lulu and her professor use Trojans instead of Enduro condoms when they finally hook up? Will Maxie go visit the Q's and trip down the staircase where everyone always loses their babies? (Please?) Or, better yet, will Felicia come back from Mariah's house to care for her pregnant daughter who's had two heart transplants? Will Nikolas hire Rosie to be a guard dog once he realizes his nanny is a maniac?

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