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 Two Scoops: July 31, 2006 columns
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Ups and downs
For the Week of July 31, 2006
If I lived in Port Charles, I would never take an elevator.
If I lived in Port Charles, I would never take an elevator. Mind you since I am lazy, this means I would never visit anyone who lived on higher than a second floor apartment. I would never stay in a hotel room that wasn't ground floor, and I wouldn't ever see Elizabeth or Epiphany at the 3rd floor Nurses' Station - that's just one flight too high. Doesn't anyone ever inspect the elevators in Port Charles? Man, the Vegas odds makers should take bets on how many elevators will successfully make it to their floor on any given week on GH. Once again, an elevator broke down, and it did so with the estranged, but still in love, Jason and Sam on board. I have to tell you, when Jason said "I don't know anything about shoes, but maybe I could help you pass your test." I almost spit out my Diet Coke. First off, I am guessing since Jason was brain damaged in that motorcycle crash and can't remember his parents, he probably doesn't remember what he learned in school either. He may not be a very good study buddy. On the other hand, there was that time he gave Nikolas a tracheotomy with a Bic pen, so I guess he did remember SOMETHING he learned in school…

I would also like to point out that every time we see Sam, she is carrying an unmanageable armload of file folders which she drops, so hey, here's a thought - make two trips and carry fewer folders, or get a cart or a cardboard box to carry them in. Not only do I doubt her ability to pass her G.E.D., I also doubt her ability to see through Ric who is checking her out as she parades around every night in her snow white see through nightie. But, I can't blame Ric, as she's a schemer and may be plotting a seduction to get even with Alexis, much like Carly slept with Tony to get to Bobbie.

Sam is way smarter than Maxie, if we are keeping score. Maxie is out on the docks in the broad daylight buying 2 lousy pills for 50 bucks from a drug dealer when her Dad is the Police Commissioner. I am really sickened that Lucky slept with the moronic little tramp…First off, wasn't she mourning Jesse and getting the flag like she was his widow just a few short months ago? Second, don't you think Liz and Lucky deserve a break? Let's see, their honeymoon was spent trapped in a tunnel after a train crash and nearly dying, then the whole surrogacy storyline with Liz losing the baby, then Liz being kidnapped by Manny, financial woes, jealousies, a small apartment and a crying baby and working too many hours and heaven only knows what other crisis I have left out - now Lucky is strung out on drugs and cheating on his practically perfect in every way just like Mary Poppins wife with some sleazy lying teenage girl? Not to mention Lucky uncovering the secret file that proves he isn't a hero after all and never shot Manny. Sorry writers, this sucks, go back to the drawing board. Can't this couple ever have a happy week? Not since their wedding day have they had a single minute of actual bliss.

Bliss doesn't seem to come easily to Sonny, either. Imagine you were holding an entire river of memories inside, of abuse and abandonment, rage, pain, shame, fear - and imagine you knew exactly who to blame and who to direct those raging waters at- and then someone suggested you might not be blaming everyone who had a hand in your pain? Sonny let just a single drop of that river flow down his face, one tiny tear escaped the dam, as Carly made him acknowledge that his Mother, although kind and loving, hadn't done everything she could have done to keep her child safe. When Lainey first brought it up, Sonny threatened to quit therapy. When Emily asked the same question, he shut her down. But when Carly, the mother of his children, pointed out that she would take a skillet to the head of anyone who tried to hurt Michael or Morgan - Sonny finally got it; Adella cowered in the corner and let someone beat her child without trying to rescue him. That's step one in Sonny's painful therapy. That's the first demon he will be wrestling with, although we know there is a whole legion of demons rattling around inside that wonderfully rich soul.

The writers are writing this brilliantly, and Maurice Benard is acting like he's never acted before. We know there is the underlying passion in this for him because of his real life struggle with being bi-polar. He is determined to tell this story and tell it right - and the P.S.A.'s at the end of each episode will direct others to get help. This isn't just entertainment folks, real people will pick up their phones and call a doctor when they see themselves in this storyline. There's a line in Shakespeare's Hamlet - "The plays the thing wherein we'll capture the conscience of the King." And I can't imagine the consciences of many Americans won't be captured by this tale of disease and breakdowns and recovery and healing. I hope everyone involved wins a pile of Emmy's.

In another compelling drama, Patrick, or Dr, Dreamboat as I like to call him, operated on a patient with end stage Aids and cut himself during the surgery thereby exposing himself to the virus. Between the flashbacks of Stone and Robin and the wonderful scenes with the already HIV positive Robin giving Patrick pep talks, this is shaping up to be a very moving storyline, too. Imagine a show called General Hospital with two actual medical storylines at once! Would I be off base to scream Hallelujah?!?!? I found the battle to get this woman into surgery in the first place highly compelling. It was good soap material, but also highlighted the plight of all uninsured Americans. The hospital administration's position was "She doesn't have money and she already has AIDS, so why bother?" It took a bunch of renegade doctors and nurses, and a sympathetic chief of staff fighting for her life to get her into surgery at all. I can only hope such doctors and nurses exist in real life, those who are ready to buck the system and care for patients regardless of their financial status, just because they value every human life.

I have one burning question - whatever happened to the fabulous Michael Sutton? After watching those flashbacks of Robin and Stone, and remembering what a brilliant and soulful actor he was - I realized I haven't seen him in anything since he left GH. What a pity. I looked him up on IMDB and he's only had bit parts in cheesy movies. Hey Hollywood - Give this guy something real to do. He won't let you down.

Dillon didn't want to let Georgie down, so he staged the prom he missed in Kelly's diner to get a second chance to make it up to her. Sweet and romantic and the kind of thing we women watch on soap operas and know will never ever happen to us. Let's face it; most guys just aren't that romantic. We can daydream about it, but we're fools if we expect it. Georgie wasn't expecting it, but when it was sprung on her, it melted her heart - how could it have failed? Dillon covered all the bases - romantic music, a lovely wrist corsage, a disco ball, an empty diner and the presence of the cutest guy in town who happens to be madly in love with her. I'm rooting for them. I love them together.

I'm also rooting for Emily and Nikolas to reunite and for the matchmaking stylings of Alfred the butler. This plan will fail however if the evil Nanny Colleen has anything to say about it. I could tell she was evil right away because of those Spock Eyebrows, I mea good heavens girl if you want to keep your maniacal nature under wraps, tweeze so you don't look so diabolical. She's on Helena's payroll and at first I thought it was a good thing she was growing fond of Nikolas, but now it's just creepy stalker fondness which isn't helpful at all. There is a real chemistry between Natalia Livington and Tyler Christopher and it's delightful to watch and I am hoping for a reconciliation. I know some people have enjoyed the Sonny and Emily pairing, but I really just don't get it. It's a total snooze to me, and I can't imagine those two people ending up together in real life, or being attracted to one another - if Emily was the catalyst for Sonny to get help for his illness, Hooray, mission accomplished, -now let's move on.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Colleen leave Baby John on the launch boat to Wyndemere and blame Emily? Will Maximum Maxie find some more married cops in her Dad's police force to sleep with? Will Jax send Carly another pointless waste of a stamp postcard? Will Sonny unveil his secret desire to be a chef and have a show on the Food Network in therapy? Will Rosie come and save Baby John and change her name to Lassie? Will Liz and Jason have hot rebound sex to get them over Sam and Lucky?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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