Shrunken heads, poison darts, chimpanzees, jungle infernos and at long last, our still dashingly handsome but presumed dead hero Robert Scorpio has appeared. I am so ready for the cheesy good fun this adventure is promising us. Why Tristan Rogers was never offered the James Bond look is beyond me, he gives that debonair spy look better than anyone since Sean Connery. If you missed Friday's episode, subscribe to SOAPnet or find a friend with a Tivo, FAST. To recap, Luke thinks he is still wanted for murder, and has sent a secret phone number on a matchbook inside of a shrunken head, which Robin recognized as something Luke and her Dad once gave her, and after Robin x-rayed the shrunken head and Lulu got the phone number and asked for Luke, she was told the room belonged to Dr…Hossenfefer or Schnitzengluben or some other such bizarre Luke in disguise name.
In the meantime, back in the jungle, the natives' think Luke really IS a doctor and spit a poison dart into his neck to get him to their hut to care for a sick child. When he tries to explain he isn't really a doctor, the tribal folk do not take well to this and insist he stay. He gives the kid a Tic Tac which makes the kid smile and Luke (or Dr. Ludwig von Dick or whatever the hell his fake name is) tries to convince them that he's cured the kid. They give him a flask (or a coconut, or a shrunken head, or dried monkey brains) with some seemingly alcoholic concoction, and he collapses… As he comes to, flames erupt, a monkey comes in, and all hell breaks loose. I love that cornball stuff.
Skye has picked a good week to actually move on to Lorenzo, even thought we got cheated out of the whole "Let me shave your bread" Phenomenon scene ("With the attractive sweathog and Footloose's wife" for all you My Name is Earl fans. Man I love that show.) And Lorenzo is now beardless and Skye has a sprained ankle, and no one has had sex yet, and they missed the ballet, but there was some serious kissing and a fabulous sparkly evening gown, so it seems this romance might actually get somewhere.
Manny is getting somewhere, too - thanks to Lorenzo who helped Manny shed his court ordered ankle bracelet which is now strapped to the heater in Manny's room above Kelly's while Manny himself is a man about town stalking people and showing off his tats'. And even knowing Manny was out walking around, Sam was going to go out alone and decided she was in such a hurry she had to take the stairwell instead of waiting for the elevator? Sonny told Jason to let Manny live a little longer, but I think the reason is different than what he is telling Jason.
Sonny is distracted. Sonny is more concerned with getting Emily in bed to give her a dose of Super Sperm than he is keeping his kids and his family safe from Manny. Remember back when Faith kidnapped his kids and he was berating himself for his lifestyle and putting his kids in danger and how he'd change his ways and never put them in danger again? Yeah. Right. Well, right now, he's up at some mountain lodge making out with Emily, Jason followed a wild goose chase up there and busted in on them, Max says he got a call to meet Sonny and that Sonny never showed. Do the math that means the kids are home with Leticia and some nameless easily expendable body guards and Manny is probably on his way to snag them. And no, this is not a spoiler, just a hunch, so I may be right and I may be wrong, but hey, I figured out an episode of Monk today before Monk did, so I think I'm on a roll.
Patrick is definitely on a roll, too - first he had a reasonably decent date with Robin (And Patrick is right, it was nice to see her smile for a change.) followed by a nice moment with Carly's boys and some spoons, and then a subsequent nice moment with Carly. He's got chemistry with everyone; I can't even decide who I like him with yet. His Dad Noah is back from rehab in record time and asking Patrick for his blessing to try to get his job back at GH, but Patrick can't trust his sobriety just yet. Although, he did see Noah dump a perfectly good martini into a houseplant, so that says something, I suppose.
So much good stuff this week - just a prelude to February sweeps and setting up the plotlines that will keep us tuning in… Helena has kidnapped Courtney (Where the heck is Jax though, does she have him, too?) and has pretty much made it clear she only needs Courtney as an incubator to cook her grandchild and then she's going to dispose of her. Bad Helena!
Lucas is dealing with the aftermath of coming out and Bobbie thinks a few sessions with Lainey will "cure" him, and Lucas is getting help in the sessions but not because Lainey has convinced him he isn't gay, she is instead giving him tools to learn to love and accept himself. When it turns out that Lucas is still gay at the end of counseling, I bet Bobbie will demand her money back.
No one wants Emily and Sonny to date except for Emily and Sonny. While I heartily endorse a persons' right to make up their own mind, I also can say there is wisdom in listening to people who love you on occasion, or at least to consider what they are saying. Carly's query of "When have Elizabeth and I ever agreed on anything?" was a great question for Emily to ponder… If her best friends, her family, and even her enemies all agree on this, she should genuinely take their advice into consideration. Perhaps they will have to stage an intervention. I have to say, every time one of Sonny's babes says "I'm not afraid of being hurt!" I think "Then you're an idiot." I mean, really ladies, here's a tip - if you start dating a dude and find out his first wife was blown up in a car bomb meant for him and that every subsequent girlfriend or wife has been kidnapped, chained to a wall, terrorized, etc - you have to assume your life WILL be in danger. It's not a theory, it's an absolute, it's happened every time and you should RUN.
What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will the monkey be able to do sign language and tell Mac that his long lost brother Robert is still alive? Will the Department of Homeland Security even start searching things like people mailing shrunken heads with stuff in them instead of searching my waist pouch at Disneyland yet again? Will Carly and Robin get into a catfight over Patrick, or will he dump them both for Liz and try to bust up her marriage? Will Lucas's bruises vanish as quickly as Courtney's baby grew? Will Bubbles the Chimp, or whatever monkey name he has, come back to Port Charles and make up for us losing Rosie? Will Lorenzo return the favor and shave Skye's legs?