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 Two Scoops: September 5, 2005 columns
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It's so nice to be insane, no one asks you to explain...
For the Week of September 5, 2005
The voices in Carly's head are telling her to kill Reese. I wish the voices would tell her to go get another job -- I can't take much more of those wild-eyed monkey glares.
The voices in Carly's head are telling her to kill Reese. I wish the voices would tell her to go get another job -- I can't take much more of those wild-eyed monkey glares. I know she's supposed to be in mid-breakdown, but she looks like she's about to be hit by a bus every time I see her face. Even crazy people look normal sometimes; that's why it's always so shocking when we find out they are crazy. Then they have people come on TV and say, "No, he was my neighbor and we spoke at the mailbox every day. He looked like a nice normal guy...I didn't even know he had body parts in his basement freezer."

Carly, Reese, and Ric must have taken Magic Carpets from New York to Florida; what with the big flood approaching, the airlines would have closed shop and cancelled all flights. But alas, they all ended up in Florida, anyway, and within 20 minutes of one another. I would like to point out that my Mom and my cousin Mary live in Florida, and I have been there a gazillion times, and have yet to see a dilapidated ghetto high school like the one we saw on General Hospital last week. There is no place in Florida that looks like that, and if there were, it would be infested with gators. If there was a run-down high school, it would have been bulldozed and turned into a strip mall anchored by Publix or Winn Dixie. But now it's flooded, anyway, and Ric washed one way, and Reese and Carly washed another.

In the midst of discussing pretend soap opera floods, I would be terribly remiss if I did not mention our friends, families, and neighbors in the Gulf region who have been devastated by Hurricane Katrina. If you haven't already found a venue to donate to, may I recommend a group called Convoy of Hope? They are taking ten semi trucks full of food and supplies into the region -- they're actually in there feeding people, and I like that about them.

Back to GH...Maybe it's because I am old and graduated 20 years ago, but if you took me back to my former high school now, I wouldn't even remember which locker I had or which hallway it was in. Also, since it was 25 years ago, they have actually remodeled the place since the 70s (I hope) and maybe even replaced the lockers. I hated high school, and high school hated me, so even if I lost my mind, I am pretty sure I wouldn't go back there.

I can relate more to Jason's problem and, in fact, I momentarily envied him a little bit. He has been afflicted with "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" kind of problem; he can't remember anything, or anyone. I confess there are days when that sounds downright appealing -- but only briefly. Any life is littered with sorrow and bad choices and things you wish you'd done differently. I used to ask every person I met, right from the get-go -- "Which do you regret more, things you wish you had done and didn't, or the things you did do and wish you hadn't?" As for me, the answer to that question told me a great deal about what sort of person I was dealing with. Had I encountered an impulsive sort like myself, who leapt in and looked later, or a pensive sort who thought through every avenue before making a choice?

Jason right now doesn't know which sort of person he is. He has no idea if he should regret anything. He has no memory of broken hearts, shattered dreams, love affairs that didn't pan out. He doesn't feel grief and loss of losing loved ones -- that big chest full of mess inside any heart is vacant in Jason. But to give up the bad, you also lose the good -- the days of laughter and joy, the memories of holidays and Disneyland and falling in love and days at the beach and meeting a president or your favorite singer, days that turned out exactly as you wished, perfect priceless days that you hold onto and plant yourself in mentally when the world becomes chaotic. I wouldn't want to lose the good to rid myself of the bad; the sum total of our experience makes us who we are. Jason knows he is a hit man, but not why and how, and he is appalled about it.

This rings true to the spirit of this character, because all along, Jason has been one of the most decent and caring people in Port Charles in spite of the fact that he killed people for a living. Now that his memory has removed his loyalty to Sonny, he knows killing is wrong and doesn't want to do it anymore. While I don't want to see Jason go back to being Med Student Jason, I would love to see Jason end up in some job mentoring kids who've been in trouble with the law, to take the dark life he lived and turn it around to being something positive -- maybe go to work for Courtney in her foundation and take the troubled kids like Diego and help them choose a life free of crime. This of course will not happen, but hey, a girl can dream. My big fear in all of this is that with Robin returning, we will lose the great dynamic of Jason and Sam and end up with Jason and Robin again, which will only serve to give me blisters on my Tivo Fast-Forward finger.

On the other hand, I want to watch all scenes with Tyler Christopher in slow-motion. He's beautiful, and his acting is so soulful I am drawn into any scene where he is present. This is saying a lot because the whole storyline of the three intermingled couples is becoming a little nauseating. Well, at least 1/3 of it. 2/3 of it are understandable. Nikolas was in prison, and while he was in prison, Emily was raped by someone who looked exactly like Nikolas. Okay -- that's a valid scenario. I understand how a couple in that circumstance would have a lot to deal with to get their relationship back to the place it was prior to those events.

Liz and Lucky were once in love and through a variety of events out of their control (like Helena erasing Lucky's brain so he didn't remember loving Liz anymore) their relationship fell apart, and now they are reconnecting, getting back what they once had, and have just moved in together. Okay, I understand that part of the story, too. It's about two people who have reconciled after years apart who are trying to find their way back to one another.

However, the weakest link here is Jax and Courtney. Jax and Courtney's relationship began with a bet -- he bet her she couldn't resist sleeping with him. What a massive ego, huh? She played along to get a million bucks donated to her foundation, and somewhere along the line, it actually got hard for her to resist bedding the ego-bloated fool. He is, after all, handsome, rich, and charming when he wants to be. They decided they had actually fallen in love, and married one another after battling both their families who were unconvinced it were the Real Thing. Three weeks into their marriage, they decided to hire Liz to be a surrogate mom because they wanted a kid and Courtney can't get pregnant. Well, she supposedly can't get pregnant, but if she ends up pregnant with Nik's baby, I won't be shocked at all, will you?

This part of the tale doesn't ring true. If you are wildly in love with someone and it takes you a long time to get together and you have had to convince the universe that you belong together and had to engage in battle to make you marriage happen -- wouldn't you assume that three weeks into the marriage they would still be in the "passionate adoration reveling in their union" phase of the relationship? Would they really be so bored with one another in three weeks' time that the honeymoon would be over and they'd have to go buy a baby to entertain themselves? I certainly hope not. I can't imagine two soul mates becoming bored with one another in three weeks -- if Jax and Courtney actually had what they said they had, they could spend every minute from now until the day they died together and be content with just each other. But they were over it in three weeks.

Other things happened. Lucas slid some cheesecake photos of Brooke under the door and is now a suspect; Ric followed Reese and Carly to Florida and helped her come to terms with her father's affair and suicide; Alan tried to brainwash Jason while he had him as a captive audience; Alexis is being delightful again (finally); and Bobbie actually got four seconds of airtime, but I rambled on so long about other stuff, these are only getting a brief mention.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Emily remember she is supposed to be watching Michael and Morgan and go back home instead of taking boat trips back and forth to Wyndemere? Will Carly, still in her befuddled state, punch Robin when she comes back to town? Will Sonny be a good nurse to Carly in her delicate state? Will the cheerleaders be shocked when Carly shows up for practice, thinking it's still 1990? Will Liz pretend to have a DNA test on the baby and say Lucky is the dad so Jax will stop stalking her?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.



Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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