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 Two Scoops: August 1, 2005 columns
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Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
For the Week of August 1, 2005
How many morons have to get locked out on the hospital roof before someone realizes that isn't the best spot to arrange meetings?
How many morons have to get locked out on the hospital roof before someone realizes that isn't the best spot to arrange meetings? And why is it that when someone gets locked out on the hospital roof there is always inclement weather? There's always a blizzard or thunderstorm, but never just a bright sunny day where they could just lay up there and tan until the next couple arranges a secret meeting on the hospital roof. I have to tell you, I have never had a meeting on the roof of a building. I have somehow managed to find private spots for personal conversations NOT on a hospital roof. Mind you, Courtney has a foundation with a private office where apparently no other people work, and Nik owns a mausoleum of a house where he lives alone with Emily who doesn't come home, so it seems like they DID have some other options of meeting places. And why the secrecy? Well, Nikolas got looped and kissed Courtney, who wasn't looped but kissed back. Ain't no thang, Mrs. Jax, I can't imagine many of us would slap Tyler Christopher away if he were kissing us either.

I would slap Jodie away if she were in my presence just because things that sound annoying seriously bug me. I can't watch Friends reruns when Janice is on. I would NEVER watch the Nanny. The creepy Carol Ann lady on Poltergeist makes me hit MUTE when I flip by her on cable, and if I were inventing an imaginary friend, it wouldn't be one with such an annoying voice. I can see why Michael snapped. (Side note: If Dylan Cash doesn't win an Emmy this year, there is no justice.) Michael has a fake Mom -I simply cannot like that woman in the role of Carly. I've genuinely tried. Once or twice I almost kind of liked her, but it slipped away as soon as she moved or spoke. Michael's Dad is preoccupied by a girlfriend who has become a meddling loud lying shrew and top it off with creepy evil Grandpa John. Michael's only real allies and support are from the local hit man Jason and his babe Sam who were given a restraining order to stay away from him. At least the Quartermaines actually love Michael and Monica is sane, so there's something. But, now that Rachel's "suicide note" is out, Michael will be free to go home and be spared the horrors of 'Aunt Tracy'. I was a little disappointed, a stay at the Q's for Michael would be fun to watch. Michael and Ned. Michael and Dillon. Michael and Alice. Think about it and smile.

Rachel is dead - what a sad waste of a good character. She was layered and had so much potential and Thunk! She's dead. And, she's dead because the writers think we're stupid again. So Dr. Thomas was trying to kill Jason for AJ and that's why he has brain damage? Um...no. Sadly, those of us who watched back then know that's a revision of history and has nothing to do with the actual story. It was such a fine story, such a tragic and moving tale; to rewrite it seems sacrilegious to me somehow. AJ was driving drunk, and his loyal brother Jason hopped into the car with him to try to save AJ from himself and ended up with his head crashed into a tree with no memory and irreversible brain damage. His love and loyalty to AJ cost him everything. AJ wasn't trying to kill Jason. There was no Dr. Thomas. There was no great conspiracy. There was a family broken in two by a drunk driving alcoholic son. I respect the Daytime Drama genre, some don't. I have seen things that moved me beyond words, I have followed stories written with such heart and tenderness and wonder that I will never forget them. So when the current writers come up blank and take a perfect story and re-write it, I get absolutely angry with them. Imagine someone coming and rewriting the end of Casablanca or Gone with the Wind, people would be in Hollywood marching around with protest signs. You don't mess with perfection. (Unless you're a hack who's run out of imagination and decides to rewrite an old story rather than thinking up a new story of your own.)

Dr. Thomas is seemingly going to give more mind altering injections with his handy always by his side hypodermic needle than Faith poisoned with her poison ring. Doesn't GH keep track of vials of hallucinogenic drugs spirited away by their shrinks? So now Dr. Thomas has convinced Michael through hypnosis that he saw Rachel kill AJ, and Jodie has vanished. So, did Dr. Thomas invent Jodie and then make her disappear, or did Michael create her from a break in his psyche? The most moving part of this whole silly saga is Steve Burton's brilliant acting as Jason realized Michael was talking to an invisible person and had to try to hide it from him. Jason wouldn't pretend for anyone else, but for the sake of Michael's sanity, he tried. The tortured look on his face when he realized he couldn't help Michael moved me to tears. All of Michael's life, Jason could swoop in and save him from anything that came along - but this trouble was inside Michael's mind and a 10 minute plane ride to Puerto Rico or a chapter from a travelogue wouldn't fix it. It's funny that the person on the show who is supposed to be brain damaged and emotionless is one of the best at having genuine emotions and showing them to us, raw and real and wonderful.

So Maxie and Georgie are threatening to move out if Mac doesn't let them date the guys they want? See ya! If I were Mac I'd kick my heels up and shout 'Hot Damn!' and start helping them pack their suitcases. Let the two spoiled brats get jobs and pay rent! What kind of threat is that? And what kind of moron is Maxie, jumping in to yell at her boyfriend while he is HANDCUFFING someone. Hey clueless! You're too dumb to date a cop! Didn't having Mac for a step-Dad teach you anything??? I predict she's going to get Jesse shot before it's all over;

Jesse: "Down on your knees punk!"
Maxie: (popping out of nowhere) "Why didn't you come over and watch
Veronica Marswith me last night?" (Okay, that was a Shameless Plug for my friend. Have you watched Veronica Mars? It's fabulous...as is Ryan )
Suspect: (Grabs gun out of Jesse's hand and shoots him)
Maxie: (Pouty lipped) NOW who will go to help me fill out my college applications?

You get the picture.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Rosie get a flea bath? Will Lorenzo tire of chasing Curious George around and realize Skye is ready and willing? Will Jax take Cameron on a Toys R Us shopping spree? Will Nikolas hit the sauce again and kiss some more married women? Will Lucky get peeved at having the Kindergarten Cop as his boss? Will Liz get morning sickness and vomit on the Nurses' Station files?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.



Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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