Anthony works in a grocery store
For the Week of July 25, 2005
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I've heard it said that hell is what you hate most, so for me, hell would be packing all my stuff up in boxes and carrying it up and down 3 flights of stairs eternally!

I've heard it said that hell is what you hate most, so for me, hell would be packing all my stuff up in boxes and carrying it up and down 3 flights of stairs eternally. Thankfully, I am not planning to go to hell, so this shouldn't concern me. This weekend we moved into a glorious place through the generosity of a friend, and I am constantly wowed by the wonder of it. One downside though, is that my friend has some fun high-tech stuff in her house that I get to play with, one of which is a magnifying lighted make up mirror that blows your face up to the size of a movie screen. Most days, I think I'm cute. Guys flirt with me on any given day and I smile at myself and think "You still got it baby." But today, under the glare of a gi-normous lighted magnifying glass mirror, I found more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin. I was so horrified by this I almost didn't leave my house. I finally pried myself away from the horror of my giant face and left the house so I could get to work where a willing computer was waiting so I could talk to you about soaps and Port Charles and other vital stuff.

I have limited time, so be patient with me if I only briefly touch upon things I would normally ramble on about for 20 pages...

1) Doesn't Mac know that telling a teenage girl to stay away from some guy is the sure fire way to make her fall helplessly in love with him? I remember the day I came home on the back of a motorcycle with some guy and my Dad came FLYING out of the house to yell at the guy and threaten his life if he ever saw me again. I didn't even LIKE the guy before my Dad yelled at him, I just wanted a ride, but after I was forbidden to see him? Fuggedaboudit. If Mac would just let Maxie have her romp with Jesse, she'd forget about him as soon as another cute guy walked by, after all she's a teenager. That's what they do. It takes us well into adulthood to grasp the concept of a soul mate.

2) Will Lucky still think Liz is sexy when she is puking up with morning sickness with Jax's baby?

3) Will someone put us out of our misery and ice John Durant? He's not even fun to hate like Faith or Helena; he's just a creep with no redeeming qualities. At least Faith and Helena are FUNNY. What good is an evil villain with no sense of humor?

4) Ric and Alexis reconciling? Thumbs up.

5) Nik and Emily deciding to try again? Thumbs down. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

6) Nik and Courtney getting closer? Thumbs up.

7) Jax and Liz? Thumbs down. Liz! Pop out his baby, take his loot, and be done with him. Lucky's the one who LOVES you.

8) Dr. Thomas, good or bad? I can't decide. What do YOU think?

9) You were right, I was wrong. Okay, you win this time. You kept telling me that Jodie was imaginary and I kept saying, "No, no no, I know stuff you don't know." Which, I did, at the time I said it. Inside sources told me that Jodie was going to end up being Alcazar's daughter from his relationship with Sophie and that she was indeed real and would have real ties to Lorenzo. But, alas, that didn't happen, the writers apparently liked YOUR idea better than theirs, and now, we know that no one sees Jodie but Michael.

10) Does anyone really CARE who the CEO of ELQ is anymore? We never see ELQ, we never see anyone in the offices of ELQ. What the heck are they arguing about? It would be like fighting over which team gets which players in the NFL draft but then the teams never play a game. So what? If ELQ isn't going to be part of the canvas, give the Q's something else to fight over besides a non-existent ghost company.

Okay guys, that's it for me this week. Assuming my cable gets installed before next weekend and I actually get to see an episode of GH, I will expound at greater lengths next time around.

What will happen tomorrow? Will Rosie sign up to be part of Courtney's foundation so she makes it onto her radar? Will Liz try to pick out more wallpaper for Courtney's house? Will we find out that Reese so much better in bed than Carly that Sonny knows she's lying but doesn't care? Will Jodie get tired of having to hide under things and give up her post as Invisible Friend? Will her Invisible Mom make another appearance?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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