Tamilu is away this week on vacation. During her time away, we're reaching back in our Two Scoops vault to publish one of her greatest hits. Here is the column that appeared on the site this week in 2004. It was originally called: People Let Me Tell Ya 'Bout My Best Friend
Jason and Carly have it down pat. First rule of Best-Friend-Dom: A best friend will always tell you when you are being a moron. And if you don't believe it, they will remind you of all the times you have been a moron in the past, in details of startling accuracy that only a hidden video camera should know. A best friend would absolutely storm your wedding and break it up if you were marrying someone who was wrong for you, and would cause a scene without a single thought of what other people in the church may think of them. Jason and Carly are solid, and have been solid since day one. When Carly is self-destructive or irrational and comes up with some cockamamie scheme, Jason bails her out. When someone is using Jason, or doing anything that might hurt him, or doesn't fully appreciate him, Carly pounces into the scene, claws extended ready to do battle with the offender. They are one another's champions, defenders and allies. They are always on one another's' side even when they know beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the other was dead wrong, they defend each other anyway. If you have 1 single friend like that in your life, bow your head right now and Thank God for such a gift. If you have 2 friends like that, shout Hallelujah in the street on your way to work. It's worth celebrating.
A lot of people don't like Carly, but I truly love her character. If she is your friend, there are no lengths, to which she would not go to defend you, and if she is your enemy, she says so straight up; not a phony word or faked smile ever comes out of her mouth. Love or hate, you always know exactly where she stands. I like that about her.
Jason didn't like it so much this week when she stormed his wedding to Sam, but she accomplished her mission - the wedding didn't happen and Sam fled town again. That was a shame and a waste of a great dress. I do have questions, like how a girl as tiny as Sam can have such enormous cleavage. I kind of hopes she would actually marry Jason, I liked the idea of Jason finally getting a child to raise, and I liked Jason and Sam together more than her other pairings... But, Sonny followed her, much to Carly's dismay, and when he arrived he was hit with a spray of gunfire from an unknown assailant who claimed to be Jason. Thankfully, Sister Agnes knew who Jason was and lied to the shooter and said Sonny was dead and sent him on his way. What happens to nuns when they lie? DO they have to give themselves some sort of penance? (Dear Catholic readers, please, forgive my ignorance, I'm Protestant.)
I think there should be some sort of eternal punishment for whoever recast Lois instead of offering the role to Rena Sofer. Nu-Lois is abrasive and annoying in the putrid "Fran Drescher' Nanny or Janice from Friends sort of way. Thank goodness for my Tivo, I intend to do a lot of fast-forwarding. I love that Ned is getting a storyline, and I love the character of Lois, I just wish they had asked the original Lois to come back. Maybe the new one will tone down and she'll grow on me, but I can't imagine it. Rena Sofer had a rare gift, to be a strong character with a strong accent without grating on your nerves while doing it. She was believably both strong and vulnerable - a tough act to follow. And Nu-Lois's voice is very shrill and nasal - kinda like the nails on a chalkboard sensation.
I like Lynn even more now that they have let her sing a whole song. What a wonderful voice - I hope they play her single about 50 more times. It' stuck in my head, so I want to know more than one line of it. I am glad they are letting her and Georgie have a friendship, as I get tired of seeing her flip around corners pouting when Sage appears, she's a lot more enjoyable as a character when she's happy. Some characters are better when they're moody (Helena, Carly and Faith spring to mind) but Georgie is just more enjoyable to watch sweet...
It's gonna be sweet when Nikolas finally remembers his life. First thing I want him to do is take off the flannel shirt and go back to his designer wardrobe. He's just too sharp to be wearing non-stop flannel. Next, I want him to stop rambling on about how much he wants to carve a wooden duck. What kind of loser was Mary married to that his big hobby was wooden-duck carving? I mean, if you can make wood carvings, why carve DUCKS? There are many more fascinating creatures. (Except for that one duck that eats cottage cheese out of that ladies mouth on Letterman's Stupid Pet Tricks. Now THAT is a cool duck and worthy of a carving to commemorate it.)
Last week my mailbag was full of letters telling me how Emily deserved all this for what she did to Zander... Emily had cancer, nearly died in a fire, almost lost her fiancée in the fire, thought Nik was dead again from the car crash until last week, and so she had to mourn him twice, and now has to watch him "married" to another woman and he doesn't even know who she is! Doesn't that about cover her debts to Zander? I mean sure, she broke up with him, but many of his dumb choices and ugly consequences were all of his own making.
In what I thought was the funniest line of the week, MARY, yells at Nikolas for LYING to her. Say what?????? "Oh, okay, psycho woman who tells me I am your husband when I am instead just a stranger with amnesia that you have lured into your web and held hostage for months, I am really sorry for lying to you about going to the doctor..." And how will Mary spin the fact that Nik was wearing a tux instead of a uniform??? I can hear it now. "Well, you see Connor, you are in a special branch of the Marines called The Well-Dressed-Man platoon and you try to throw off the enemy by making them think thy are at a wedding reception instead of a combat zone. You mean you don't remember THAT either?" Hysterical.
Almost as comical was the whole corny scene of Jax and Courtney in Italy when the little beggar kid with the fake accent lifts Courtney's wallet, which she apparently had stashed in the strapless bra of her dress, or in the crack of her butt somewhere near her thong... And her big threat to him was something like "If you ever want to date a hot American girl like me, then you'll stop picking pockets!" - No ego there, huh?
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Skye have her baby in jail, or will we keep pretending her portrayer isn't pregnant? Will Ric seduce Alexis so he can become the stepfather of Sonny's baby, or is he actually into neurotic repressed women? Will Jax give ME his whole billfold full of money if I tie on an apron and borrow some pickpocket kid who spins a good tale? Will the nuns kick Sam out on her butt as every time she shows up gunfire and fistfights ensue?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.