Settle down, Beavis
For the Week of May 30, 2005
Other Two Scoops for the week of May 30, 2005
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May 23, 2005
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June 6, 2005
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That aside, I'm mad at almost everyone on the show right now. I have gone from giving NuCarly an open-minded chance, to not liking her, to full blown loathing.

Back when my daughter Sarah was in High School, they had a parent/teacher night where they warned the parents about the evils of letting your kid watch Beavis and Butthead. This is when Jeff and I first realized we were bad parents. Not only did we let Sarah watch it, we watched it with her in one big happy family viewing session. We were not offended by it, nor were we afraid our daughter would light herself on fire because she saw a cartoon character do it, as we didn't raise a moron. She also never followed a roadrunner over a cliff. Today as I watched GH - Beavis and Butthead sprung to mind as everyone had T-shirts with slogans on them and I heard Butthead's voice in my head say "If I wanted to read, I'd go to school." And it made me laugh all over again. I got really tired of trying to read everyone's chest, sleeves and back in Port Charles today.

That aside, I'm mad at almost everyone on the show right now. I have gone from giving NuCarly an open-minded chance, to not liking her, to full blown loathing. Okay, let me make sure I'm not missing anything. Carly spent months thinking her son was dead and openly mourning him. She was so distraught that she saw his 'ghost' calling to her from swing sets beyond. But after he's been home a few weeks, she is so bored with him that she ditches him with his nightmares and emotional distress to go and trick Courtney into getting a massage to try to break up he Courtney's wedding to Jax? And really, Jax having made love to Courtney before would probably realize that yowling that sounded like a moose in heat wasn't Courtney anyway. That guttural moaning sounded like some sick woodland animal and could never have come out of Courtney's body. Carly was clawing at Sonny's door a week ago just trying to get Michael to talk to her, and now he wants to talk to her and instead she's out trying to wreck her best friend's life? Dumb. I think they keep giving her dumb things to do because she has no chemistry with anyone so they can't write real scenes for her. Hey ABC, I hear Sarah Brown is unemployed, it's not too late to admit you were wrong and get her to come back.

Of course that's not the trend, because TPTB just don't GET it. They took an actress we loved, Robyn Richards, and replaced her. To top that, they have canned Kristina Wagner as Felicia and are going to recast her, too. Are they just bored over there? Imagine if you worked at a place where you went to work every day, were doing a fine job and had a good reputation but the bosses came in every now and then and randomly fired people and replaced them with new people just for kicks. Again, dumb. As we launch into a storyline about "Maxie/BJ's Heart" which at its outset was the best and most powerful storyline I had ever seen on a daytime drama - to revisit it now without the stars that made it so memorable before is unthinkable. I don't even want to watch. In fact, I may not watch. Without the proper Felicia and Maxie, what's the point? Their timing couldn't be more horrible - like cheating us out of the Carly/Michael reunion with Tamara Braun still in the role of Carly was despicable. I hear the ABC head honchos wondering why Y and R stays in the # 1 slot, well, here's a hint- before Cassie Newman died last week, they didn't recast Nik and Sharon right before she took her last breath. It's called continuity. Look it up. The only up side of NuMaxie is that Diego appears to have a personality when he is with her. That's new and improved. The odd thing is, when you see Ignacio Serricho in those behind the scenes pool party shots, he's very charming and personable- so it's confusing when as Diego, he is only a little more lifelike than a totem pole.

Reese, on the other hand, is quite lifelike. She must have been wildly popular in the FBI as it appears the she will have sex with anyone at all, anytime at all. This probably came in handy getting people to divulge information to her and such. She's had Sonny and Ric, and in the wild writhing around way with the special sexy underwear a woman only dons if she knows someone will see it instead of the '6 pack for 10 bucks' cotton things we buy at Wal-Mart and wear the rest of the time because they are comfortable.

Some of the best acting this week has been turned in by Ric. The courtroom scenes where he defended Sonny were superb, because we could see in his eyes what it cost him to make that choice. When he explains to Alexis why he did it, when Sonny offers him a big wad of money as thanks and he turns it down, when he and Reese get it on and he gets that tortured look in his eyes, when he walks into his office to find Durant perched behind his desk gloating - every scene he was in this week was genuine and rich.

If you wanted comedy instead of drama, we had a bit of that, too. Luke and Tracy's "marriage" is a delight to behold, what with Luke camping in the Q living room with Alice guarding the door, and grabbing Tracy to defend her to Lorenzo while her eyes roll around in utter disgust was priceless.

Another precious moment was Sam telling Carly finally that Jason can't be her rescue boy anymore had me cheering at the TV - standing ovation Sam. Jason's whole life (at least the one he can remember) has been as Carly's 24 hour rescue service and he deserves a life of his own. Sam standing up to Carly was a wonderful moment although it did launch Carly into her vindictive destructive B*tch mode. (I could be spelling butch, you don't know.) I have a friend who has to pretend he's not my friend when he is around this chick who doesn't like me. She's manipulative in that Carly way and purposely tries to cause fights between us, so now we have to pretend we aren't friends when she is around. If I accidentally call him while he is at her house, he's mean to me, and then as soon as he pulls out of her driveway he calls me and apologizes. Sad, but true.

What will tomorrow hold dear readers? Will Rosie be the Flower Girl for Jax and Courtney's Wedding as it would be easier to teach her to follow instructions than Kristina? (Flashback to seashell incident, sorry.) Will Emily and Michael end up with the same therapist? Will Mac come home one day to find his whole family has been replaced by some alien infected clones like part of the 4400? Will someone put a pillow over John Durant's face, too? (Please?) Will Reese end up pregnant with a magical potent sperm baby from her time with the virile brothers Ric and Sonny? Will anyone ever trust Luke and Skye to chaperon a teen party again?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

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Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.

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