I don't hate her. I thought I would, but I don't. If this had been ABC's decision, if they had fired Tamara Braun and hired a new Carly of their own volition, I would have taken a day off work to drive up to L.A. and march around ABC's parking lot with a sign saying "What were you morons thinking!" But that indeed, is not the case. Tamara chose to quit, and TPTB had to either A) Kill Carly off, or B) Hire a new actress to play her. Hard choice and Jennifer Bransford has some big shoes to fill. She seems older than the last Carly, but apparently, isn't that much older (not like when Lucky's age jumped an entire decade.) but at least she seems capable of acting a little; a good sign. She has no discernable chemistry with Lorenzo though, and that is a bad sign. I'm hoping it will just take time for the "sizzle" to emerge, but I didn't even see a puff of smoke. I'm fairly invested in that relationship, as Lorenzo has loved Carly and waited for her for a very long time now and I want to see him win and hold the love to whom he has been so devoted, and I still want to CARE.
Still and all, saying I don't hate our Nu Carly is NOT the same as saying "I like her." I don't yet, and am reserving my final verdict until all the evidence is presented. Consider me your own Nancy Grace, minus the accent. I may make a few snarky comments along the way, but I'm reserving final judgment for time being. I am hoping Bransford will win me over because I love the character of Carly and I really WANT to like her. Still, I feel cheated that the Carly/Michael reunion was held off until Braun's departure. Tamara Braun is the woman I saw GRIEVE, in fact, I grieved with her and I knew Michael wasn't even dead! Thus, I longed to see Tamara as the one who got to see Michael alive on the swing set, which just goes to prove, contrary to popular belief; I do not always get my way.
I did get my way in wanted to see Jason punch AJ however, although I didn't really count on them both flinging themselves over the stair railing and plummeting to the floor. They should install an elevator in that house, I can't even count how many people have fallen down those stairs or been thrown over the landing in the past 20 years. I also want to know why the Quartermaine's have some giant walk in freezer upstairs near their attic. Is that convenient for Cook? I mean when she wants to make a roast does she have to haul herself up the spiral staircase and walk into the massive freezer (which is about the size of my apartment) and hold a giant piece of frozen meat all the way down the stairs? No wonder people fall down those stairs.
No good segue here, but I cannot go another minute without talking about Dylan Cash. If that kid doesn't win a Daytime Emmy for his role as Michael Corinthos, there is no justice. There is no shortage of cute kids on soaps whose job is most often to wander into a room, say something darling, and trot back off. But Dylan Cash ACTS. He has played sad, angry, hurt, lost, broken, fought off kidnappers, run away from criminals, dealt with the notion that his parents gave him away, wrestled with learning to like his real father whom his parents warned him against, had to consider that his whole life and all he has been told is a lie, and now this week, is facing the parents whom AJ has successfully turned him against. This kid is an amazing little actor. The reason the whole kidnapping/death of Michael storyline has been so compelling is that we actually love Michael. When Kristina was kidnapped, and we saw her sitting in Faith's hideout stacking blocks quietly- I was mostly unmoved. But as Michael tried to contact his parents and wrote letters and looked for routes of escape and finally became resigned to the fact he had nowhere to go, and realizing that the whole town thinks he is dead... As we listened to AJ fill Michael's head with lies about his parents and break his heart - I felt real emotions. (Los Lonely Boys) I hurt for Michael, I want to throttle AJ, I want to track down all the pretend TV people who are sobbing and grieving for Michael and say "No! No! He's alive! Look! Over here on Set 2 that's decked out to look like a Bahamian hotel!" But, I still have one toe in reality, so I just lay in my bed with a box of Kleenex crying for a fictional kid played by a marvelous young actor.
While I am obviously enthralled with Michael, I am just as annoyed by John Durant. . Ric and Reese have him on tape saying he took bribes to bring Sonny down, but John seems un-phased. He's kind of like the dude in Monty Python's Holy Grail hopping around with limbs missing yelling "It's only a flesh wound!" Talk about regrets - I bet Carly curses the day she ever went on the quest to find her real father. This storyline should be used as a cautionary tale to anyone seeking a long lost parent; just let it GO. Your long lost parent may be a control freak psycho who will systematically try to wreck your marriage, destroy your family, put your spouse in prison and would team up with criminals who impersonate priests to do it. RUN! Thank God for your adoptive parents and never ever ever track down your real dad. He could be John Durant
Of course, if your real Dad is Alan Q, you're not that much better off. Although he did sober up and snap out of it when he saw AJ about to crack Emily in the face with his fist, but not before her locked his wife in the giant second floor freezer to keep her from calling the police on their son who was going to leave the country with their presumed dead but really kidnapped grandson.
Lucky asked Liz if they could move in together and... She said no. What? She said no???? So she'd REALLY rather live with Gram than Lucky? Liz, I am so ashamed of you. Soul mates should be together period. Whatever you're afraid of, snap out of it and go shack up with Lucky. Be happy. Do you know how rare true love actually is?
Last week and this week I am at a disadvantage as my home computer is down and I am lacking the time and resources I normally put into my column where I can stay up all night with a Venti Starbucks and re-write it 15 times until I am sufficiently amused by my own wit. My column is now 2 days late, and I am writing with no time for rewrites, on a borrowed computer - so forgive the brevity and substandard attempts at humor, next week, I will do my best to make up for it. :
What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Michael say "Mommy, I have been gone so long I didn't even recognize you?" Will AJ say "Ouch!" Will Leticia say "Hey, that other kid is back, I thought someone was missing?" Will Kristina say ." . .?" Will Alan say "Pour me another bourbon Coleman." Will Emily say "I better get Alice to launder these white leggings?" Will Carly say "Hey? How come my clothes don't fit right anymore?" Will Monica say "Why didn't I use birth control?"
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.