If you've ever seen The Princess Bride, you'll get the title, if you haven't - go rent it -- now!. Not so you can get the title of my article, but because it's one of the funniest and most quotable movies ever. AJ was only back in the picture for a day and managed to stir up a whole hornet's nest of trouble for Courtney. Not only did she find out she was still married to AJ (meaning her marriage to Jason was never valid) and must postpone her marriage to Jax or give in to AJ's blackmail, now she is suspected of murdering him. Welcome home, Billy Warlock, we have been in need of a good scoundrel! To those who don't like spoilers, skip ahead a paragraph NOW. The fun is just beginning, as if you hadn't guessed already AJ isn't really dead. Oh sure, Alan identified his body in the morgue, in fact we even saw him ourselves. AJ may have been sleeping off a tequila hangover, but he's absolutely not dead. Imagine the fun he can have with this ruse! If Courtney gets arrested, he can play that angle, and if she doesn't and runs off to marry Jax, he can show up at the most inopportune moment and spring it on the happy couple that they aren't really married! He's just so good at playing a weasel; I'm delighted he's back.
AJ's death has allowed some long lost Quartermaines like Alan, Tracy, and Monica to actually get some air time. Hooray! Alan's talk to Michael left him confused, and he played all his scenes this week very convincingly. If I haven't said it enough times, Dylan Cash is brilliant. I love that kid. Skye and Alan seem to be taking AJ's death the hardest, as they are the two people who mastered the task of loving him unconditionally. While the Q's mourn AJ, Monica is frantically trying to save the life of her other son, Jason. For those of you who are poised to write and say "Jason isn't really her son" as a step mom with two stepdaughters I adore, I can tell you they ARE my daughters and I'd dare anyone to tell me or Monica any different. Jason has been shot, and has stumbled into Faith's lair and nodded off due to the blood loss from his bullet wound. In a rotten twist of fate, Faith walked in just as Sam left to try to get medicine from Monica at GH. Faith intends to make the most of her good fortune and has a gun to Jason's head. So much for the "kinder, gentler" faith Justus was hoping for.
Ric's kinder, gentler side is emerging and his soul searching scenes were true gems. Rick Hearst has been fabulous this week. While Ric is unloading his epiphanies on Liz, Alexis trips down the stairs as she is trying to catch Sam, still convinced Sam kidnapped her baby. Sam leaves her there in a heap, as she needs to get medicine to Jason. After all, Alexis IS in a hospital, someone will find her in the stairwell eventually. Sam may even call 911 if she's feeling generous. Back to Ric...I had forgotten how much natural chemistry Ric has with Elizabeth, but when he was lamenting to her how he realized that this is what he had did to Carly - the remorse, the horrifying realization of his own actions suddenly hits him. We see him recognize the things he is capable of, and it sickened him.
A remedy for sickness is laughter, and I hope you all laughed as hard as I did this week when Kristina finally showed signs of life by speaking words right out loud to her KIDNAPPER. Seems she prefers Faith to her parents. Faith is a lot more vibrant than Alexis; she's like having a homicidal Auntie Mame for a kidnapper. Kristina smiled, played, and even spoke this week, things she has never done at home with her parents, but seems to be having a ball in Faith's hideout. Faith has groovy toys for her; maybe while she's got Kristina in captivity she can show the kid how to listen to a seashell.
We haven't seen much of Carly this week, other than her command performance at the PCPD to get her stupid father (Who mysteriously has his job back after getting fired for the debacle of Sonny's Big Fat File of All Crimes Ever Committed.) to back off and cut Sonny loose. I did however catch Tamara Braun on the wonderful Soap Net show "One Day With..." hosted by our own Wally Kurth (a.k.a Ned Ashton) where one of their stops was a place called TLC (Therapeutic Living Centers) for the Blind, and saw her interaction with the residents there. It truly moved me. Who'd have known that in her spare time our Mob Mama Carly volunteers and supports such a worthy organization? Tamara, if you're out there, this is my way of helping you bring light to a worthy cause. :) http://www.tlc4blind.org Now back to Carly. I was excited when John Durant came to Port Charles, partially because I like Corbin Bernsen, and partially because I was looking forward to the unfolding of that story - Carly getting to know her Dad, a possible romance for Bobbie, Sonny and Durant having to call a Truce as they both love Carly, etc. But- the ball got dropped and now Durant just makes a cameo occasionally to stir up a little trouble, and then vanishes again. I'll never understand why the writers write half a story then get bored with it and quit while there is still so much good material to explore.
Instead, we get to explore the big Brooke and Diego love story. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Can someone text message me when it's over? Dillon and Georgie who are far more interesting to me, have been reduced to wallpaper merely tossing occasional lines into scenes which aren't theirs, while Brooke and Diego get the spotlight and in my opinion, quite frankly, don't deserve it. Conceptually, I love the idea of watching Lorenzo learn to become a Dad, but it's all because of Ted King, and would work as well for me if he had a Pet Rock or a Schnauzer he wanted to Father - Diego is generic. I'd rather hear Dillon banter on about classic films than Diego whining that both his parents want him to move in with them. Oh, the horror. I am a huge fan of witty banter, which is why I rush home from work every night to catch reruns of the Gilmore Girls I have seen 10 times each. The scintillating conversation and pop culture references are irresistible to me. Maybe I'd like Diego more if he could drop a Pippi Longstalkings reference into his whining. The best you can hope for in life is someone who can keep up with your banter. Dillon can. Diego can't.
I try to give new characters the benefit of the doubt. Okay, that's a big fat lie. I always hate them at first, and right now, I hate Reese. She shot Jason for Pete's sake, and Carly seems to be the only one genuinely upset about that. Sonny, who LOATHES cops, especially Feds, would neverwillingly work with an FBI agent- even if he had to hire what's left of the 5 Families or make amends with Luke, or even buddy up to Lorenzo to help him track down Kristina. Reese blows into town, shoots Jason, and has Sonny arrested for kidnapping his own daughter. So, explain to me how this gives Sonny the confidence to work with her? Her psychic "I know the kidnapper is a woman" line - well that's the first time she has been right yet, and suddenly Sonny thinks she's Monk? Hell, why don't we call Hannah and see if we can get her on the case, at least he's... had his way with her. That guarantees her loyalty as we all know once Sonny has bedded a woman he's in her system for life with that potent magic mob sperm of his.
What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Steven use his X-ray vision to spot pill bottles in other doctor's pockets? Will the Q's pretend they liked AJ at his Gigot-ish funeral? Will Brook Lynn ever give the homeless women her outfit back? Will Sam ever think to cover up her FACE when she's in disguise? Will it ever stop bothering me that John Ingle isn't Edward anymore? Will Jason bleed to death before Faith can poison him? Will Alexis remember she's a Cassadine and employ the Ransom strategy on her next televised plea and say "Hey kidnapper, me and all my mafia pals are coming for you." Will Courtney ever realize Rosie is missing and in need of a nice hot flea bath after wandering the streets for 4 months?
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.