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 Two Scoops: January 24, 2005 columns
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Maybe I mean yes
For the Week of January 24, 2005
The last good rape on GH was back at the Campus Disco when Luke raped Laura. We watched it on the edge of our seat, and... dare I say... liked it.
The last good rape on GH was back at the Campus Disco when Luke raped Laura. We watched it on the edge of our seat, and... dare I say... liked it. My 14 year old friends and I were cheering Luke on- we were children and didn't realize that rape is a horrible violent crime; we were simply firm believers that Laura said No but meant Yes, because we saw the lingering glances, we knew she WANTED Luke. We saw all the flirtations and thought she just didn't know how to dump poor Scotty Baldwin, Luke was just... helping her along. We were pretty sure she wanted it. But, again, we were 14 year old morons. Now of course I know better. That rape happened before the days of Political Correctness, where you could get away with stuff on TV and people had better things to do than protest Soap Operas and be offended by cartoon characters. Imagine if the crackheads who are out marching around saying SpongeBob is gay had seen the Drag Episodes of Bugs Bunny where he dresses up like a girl bunny in flaming red lipstick to try to seduce the Tasmanian Devil or Elmer Fudd? Back in those days, Luke raped Laura, and then she fell in love with him, got married, had kids, and we all thought that was just purr*fect. ABC didn't pull GH off the air, and no one had to fire Tony Geary after a big public outcry. In fact Luke and Laura's wedding was bigger than Princess Di's wedding in my circle of friends.

I'm guessing in this climate of boycotts and protests and everyone being offended by everything, Emily will not suddenly realize she has been in love with Connor all along, dump Nikolas, and marry Connor. I also bet Connor will never become mayor of Port Charles. There will be no "Emily/Connor wedding issue of People magazine. But something will come of this rape - what is it? Will Emily become pregnant and not know if the bay is Nik's or Connor's? She did after all have that Conjugal Visit Prison Sex with the synthesized disco music from every porn movie ever made playing in the background. (Not that I have seen every porn movie ever made, but... enough to know they all have bad music.) Now that I think of it, the prison guard grabbed her like he was thinking about raping her, too. Bad week to be Emily, huh?

Connor's logic was basically "Fair is fair. Nikolas did Mary, so that means I should get to do you, too Emily." Of course I don't think he really believes that, after the long haul in Iraq and coming home to find the wife who wanted to have sex with his was dead, he's probably just really horny and looking for an excuse to get laid. When his "You know you want me" line didn't work -(And, guys, it NEVER does. Women gather in bar bathrooms to laugh at that line.) He resorted to more brutal methods of getting what he wants. He won't be rewarded by a Lucky or a Lulu in his future; he'll be shot and die instead. Just as well, that accent was killing me, and not softly.

If I were Jax, I would softly dump Courtney and find someone more appreciative. Courtney was married to mob hit man Jason, and left him because she couldn't handle his dark criminal lifestyle. Enter Polar Opposite, Jax. Jax who is...perfect. Jax is clearly fictional. Jax doesn't exist in the real world. If he did, every female on Earth would be fighting for him. There would be one big Jax Harem and we'd all agree to be 1 of his 8 million wives. He's so handsome it takes your breath away. He's charming, fun, a great conversationalist, romantic, and ever loyal. Jax does things like fly his girlfriends around the world so they can try a tasty cheeseburger he once ate in Peru, or drink the sparkling water of a river he once rafted on in France, or fly in scones baked by the Queen's personal chef so you can have English breakfast in bed the night after wild lovemaking on the satin sheets in his penthouse. He's faithful, he never cheats on his girlfriends, there is never gunfire at Jax's place, and he always shows up when you need him, he never loses his temper, well; he was a little moody the day his Dad died... And yet Courtney is unsure? Really? REALLY? Now, suddenly, she is jealous of Sam and is mourning the hit man she gave up. Hey Courtney! He's still a hit man! Yeah, you could take him away from Sam, but then he'd still go out and KILL SOMEONE. If you can't handle that, stick with Jax, he is strictly non violent, looks great in a tux, knows how to slow dance and always wins at Monte Carlo casino gambling.

And one more rant... Who hired the security at Sonny's new compound? Sonny is Mob Central. He has more bullet wounds than a war vet, his 1st wife and child were blown up in a car bomb, Carly was kidnapped, etc. He is well aware of the lurking danger. So why is it that on a BIG security detail, like making his new house safe for his kids, he doesn't have someone he trusts in charge, like say Max? Remember watching Star Trek as a kid (If you're too young and don't remember, just play along) - the team would get to some new planet and would beam a team down to look around. The team would have Captain Kirk, Spock, Bones, and...some guy we never saw before. We all knew that Guy We Never Saw Before was never going to make it back to the Enterprise. Expendable Guy had to know "Hey, no one ever beams back but Spock, Kirk, and Bones, should I even GO on this mission?" So, we see Sonny's "New Head of Security" and we KNOW he's in cahoots with the Enemy (Spoiler alert - stop reading here if you don't want to know) which is Faith. Okay, we trust Jason, we trust Max, and we kind of trust Black Dude with Dreads whose name escapes me, as he only shows up once every few months, but any other members of Sonny's staff are always working against him. Wouldn't you put one of the 3 guys you trust in charge of making sure your security system is installed properly? But hey, that's just me.

I want to send Bridget to a crossover appearance on Judging Amy so Amy can put her in juvenile detention and order her to some violent teen rehab program Which will take until Hope is 1 year old to complete. "Yeah, I have had a job for 2 days making 2 bucks and hour plus tips, and I am bumming a couch from some rich chick so I am stable now and want to raise my baby." If I were Jason, I'd just make Bridget disappear. Not kill her of course, he's too nice a hit man to kill a kid - just send her to that convent for unwed mothers with that scary nun where Sam hid for awhile and let the nuns whip her into shape. Baby Hope deserves a good home, and Sam and Jason will love her for certain.

Another baby getting a lot of love is Cameron now that Uncle Lucky is hanging around. Cameron has gotten quite cute since we last saw him, and his head is in proportion to his body now, so I can't call him Melon Head anymore. But I can still wonder who Kristina is related to. She is SOOO pretty but SOOO quiet, it's just downright creepy. I wonder if she is being threatened with beatings - "If you move one inch I will whip your butt!" She may be sitting there terrorized every day, who knows? She squeaked out a "hi" this week. But speaking of small children who can act - has anyone seen the little girl who plays Abby on The Young and The Restless? 'Nuff said.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Georgie decide she likes the Brooke Wig and do that weird "Single White Female" thing? Will we see Bobbie, Alan and Monica again before next Christmas? Will Diego have taken acting classes during his hiatus? Will Lois go out and buy some new clothes to take her mind off dumping Lorenzo? Will John Durant have a second career as a cat burglar? Will Steven cut off his Napoleon Dynamite curls? Will Michael get a sunburn in Puerto Rico with his fair skin and no sunscreen? Is anyone still looking for Laura? br>
Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.



Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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