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 Two Scoops: September 13, 2004 columns
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Say it again. Please?
For the Week of September 13, 2004
'You lay a hand on me again; you'll find it under your pillow.' Said Lorenzo to Ned after Ned slugged him, because He-Lo slept with She-Lo and then ceremoniously kicked her to the curb.
"You lay a hand on me again; you'll find it under your pillow." Said Lorenzo to Ned after Ned slugged him, because He-Lo slept with She-Lo and then ceremoniously kicked her to the curb. It bears repeating. "You lay a hand on me again; you'll find it under your pillow." HA! I think he kicked her out because she stilled smelled of perm solution after going to Coleman's hairdresser for a copycat hairdo. Any fashion divas out there? Are perms suddenly back IN?

It appears they are trying to re-paint Lois as a Skanky-Ho. Not that sleeping with Lorenzo would make her one, mind you, but the dialogue with Brooke post-Lo-sex implied that Brooke has been through this with her Mom many times before. That was disconcerting. Why? I remember Lois pretty well, and the history of characters matters to me. She came from a strict Catholic family, and had a very high moral code which she LIVED by. She didn't pick up random men and sleep with them, she didn't ever cheat on Ned - but it seems Ouija Board ramblings like "Ned Not" are meant to imply otherwise, that Lois was cheating on Ned and Brooke has some other Daddy out there. If the story goes that way, it will severely irk me. Lois left Ned because his family was a bad influence on Brook Lynn, and she wanted her daughter to be raised with moral values. So if the writers opt to re-write history and tell us that Lois kept Brooke away from her Dad so that she could go out and whore around with various up and coming rock singers, it won't be true to the Lois we knew, and it takes away the things we loved and respected about the character. But honestly speaking, there aren't many heroes left on GH, even the most decent guy on the show is a Hit Man for a living.

One thing Lois did right; voice lessons for Brooke. Adrianne Leon (Brook Lynn) has a phenomenal voice. Each time she sang the "Sage" song, it brought tears to my eyes and a chill down my spine, and I have to wonder why the girl isn't out this weekend trying out for American Idol with my friend Anika. (I'll vote for you 800 times, girl. Singing is obviously her gift. She can act a bit, but her voice is her "Raison d'etre" in my opinion. I'd rather buy a 10 CD's of her music than ever listen to her fake crying again. And who knew Lucas was a Pianist? Perhaps he went off to Piano Lessons all those months he was missing. Heck, he was gone so long, he may have gone to Julliard for all we know.

Another thing I'd rather not see again is Heather. Heather is like the Bumble in the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer cartoon after Hermie the Elf Dentist has pulled out his teeth. He goes from being a scary monster to a grinning, toothless backdrop. Heather in olden days was conniving, scary, evil and deadly. Now, she's backdrop. We saw her stirring an envelope full of what looked to be laundry soap into Edwards orange juice in the middle of a room full of people, none of whom noticed. (And why did she insist he drink juice instead of coffee, does laundry soap not dissolve in coffee?) Heather could get poison tips from Faith. All she needed was a tiny pill in a ring, which could be quietly dumped into any beverage, rather than the whole ripping open the envelope and pouring powder in for 30 seconds followed by vigorous stirring. Faith should teach a class, or loan out her ring for cash. Edward, who apparently didn't taste the ½ cup of Tide in his juice, suffered a heart attack for her trouble, and apparently no one found any soap residue in his bloodstream, which is a bit odd considering the same medical team, was able to so aptly pinpoint the cause of Mary's death from the drugs in her system.

Which brings us to the fact that Emily is a moron. First, she goes to the room of the woman her fiancée shot, a woman who tried to kill her during the storm, and strangle her in the hospital, a woman who is obviously mentally unbalanced. She does this after having been warned by about 14 people to stay away from Mary, as it would look bad for Nikolas. She did this after stealing drugs off the drug cart "so she would have a legit reason to be in Mary's room if questioned." Huh? No, Emily, my befuddled, confused, lovely... Newsflash! Hospital visitor are NOT authorized to dole out medication to patients, so that medicine cup would NOT have given you a legitimate reason for skulking around in Mary's room.

Next best line of the week was Lucky's lame "I'm a cop, but I'm your friend." Oh really, Lucky? Then how come you were so hell bent on protecting and unholding every letter of the law when your MOM AND DAD were in trouble? So, Lucky loves Emily more than his folks? Or has his love for the law waned now that his parents are both MIA?

As to family loyalties, it will be interesting to see how that topic unfolds when Carly's Daddy hits town. I have a theory, and a hope that Ric might be softer on Sonny than we know. Ric loves sticking it to Sonny, but underneath, Ric wants Sonny's approval, and would like to be able to love his brother, I think. Am I naïve? Probably. I just wonder what will happen when John Durant shows up in Port Charles, REALLY gunning for Sonny - will Ric partner with him and see Sonny end up in prison, or will Ric watch Sonny's back and keep his brother out of jail? Might John Durant be the catalyst that reunites Ric and Sonny as true brothers? Imagine Ric becoming Sonny's lawyer, Liz and her baby (whose head they have not shown since I disparaged it, now we only see kicking feet in a baby carriage. Is my pen the sword that cut Cameron's head off??? : ) moving in with Sam and Jason, and the whole dysfunctional clan turning Harborview Towers into one big Mob Commune.

Well, all except for Faith, who is suddenly demure, passive, needy, and honorable? All the things she has never been before. Justus, dude, go back to the commune, you sucked the evil out of our one last villain. Whom can we hate now? Helena isn't around enough to hate, Mary is dead now, Lorenzo is too sexy for us to hate, and Heather and the whole Quartermaine storyline is just plain silly. Here's a question -Why was the fortune LILA's - isn't the ELQ loot Edwards? When the family was broke after AJ robbed them last year, why didn't Lila cough up her grand fortune THEN if she had so much money stashed away? And just where IS AJ anyway? As if a little thing like embezzlement would keep him away from home after Lila died! (There is an unsubstantiated rumor that Sean Kanaan may not renew with B&B and come back to revive his AJ, which would delight me to no end, so I hope it's true.) I mean if all the other weasel Q's get to participate, why not AJ, too? But back to Faith. Justus had to give up the case, and pawned Faith off on Alexis, which will make Sonny mad again, but he's mad most of the time, so no big thing.

OTOH, Justus has agreed to represent Emily, should she have to stand trial for Mary's murder - but if Emily did NOT do it - who did? Lorenzo? Helena? Georgie? Lucky? Nikolas? The REAL Connor who probably faked his own death in Iraq just to get away from his psychotic split personality wife? Some presumed dead frozen Cassadine?

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Carly find out she has 8 half-siblings from Bobbie's other tricks gone bad? Will anyone ever notice Michael and Morgan haven't been seen for weeks - did they go to some Mob boarding school for babies? Will we discover more hidden musical skills from Lucas? Will I ever delete Soapnet's "1 Day with Ingo Rademacher" from my Tivo? (Highly Unlikely) Will Carly try to hook Bobbie up with John Durant to make up for stealing Tony from her? Will Elizabeth flunk out of nursing school for leaving a cart full of narcotics unattended in the hospital corridors?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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