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House of cards
For the Week of May 24, 2004
It's all about to collapse, and Mary knows it. Yet she clings to the fantasy that it can last for all she is worth, because she needs to believe it.
It's all about to collapse, and Mary knows it. Yet she clings to the fantasy that it can last for all she is worth, because she needs to believe it. Believing she can hang onto Nik/Connor, is the reason she wakes up in the morning. Believing she can stay with Nik/Connor forever is the only thing standing between her and utter despair and hopelessness. Her life was a vacuum, a total black hole before poor amnesiac Nikolas stumbled onto her doorstep, and she can't bear the thought of going back to that dark, isolated place. Does she love him? Yes, she does. Should she have allowed herself to love him? No, she should not. Does that make her love any less true, or any less valid or any less meaningful? No- her love, as ill-conceived as it was, is still, indeed, love. Certainly many people have found themselves entangled with someone they knew they had no business becoming entangled with, and yet at the moment when those feelings came bubbling to the surface, they convinced themselves that they could make impossible things possible. That's all Mary has done, lied to herself and convinced herself of her own lie. She knows Nik is not Connor. She knows he has another family who loves him and needs him and mistakenly believes he is dead. But Mary imagined a world where Nik/Connor belonged to her, she painted a portrait of a life she longed to live and got caught up in her vision of that life. She built her life around that imagining and now has no idea how to undo what she has done. How do I know her love is real? Because she was willing to sacrifice her own happiness for his well-being; she was willing to expose her own lies to protect Nik. Sometimes we hurt ourselves to protect someone we love, even when it kills us, and even when the person we are doing it for doesn't know it and cannot see it. Mary was willing to be selfless and let Nik go to save him. But it doesn't matter now, with Emily and Lucky 3 feet away on a shared balcony in "El-Made-Uppo" Mexico - it's only a matter of time before her house of cards collapses. I cry for her a little every day.

I do not cry for Sam. When Sam came on the show, she was a con artist with no morals and was in it for cash, period. Now, suddenly, she is a "Hopelessly Devoted to Sonny" moony eyed limp kind of girl, and she bores me. She's been standing in Jason's apartment waiting for the sound of Sonny's voice in the hall, and out prowling around the elevator looking longingly at his door - PLEASE - let it go, girlfriend. Go back to looking for antique cards, or buried treasures or something. Now she is going to marry Jason, for the sole purpose of annoying Jax and making Sonny jealous, both really dumb reasons to get married, but Jason of course, the hit man with the heart of gold is marrying Sam for Michael, Morgan, and the unnamed baby Sam is carrying. Let's call him Wild Bill, just for fun. Rumor has it Sam will lose Wild Bill and Jason will be stuck married to her for no reason at all - but I'm not sure if that source is reliable. I wish Sam wasn't pregnant as I would LOVE to see a really good catfight with Carly, Courtney and Sam, as our girls haven't had the chance to use their self-defense skills for some time, and besides, Sam just needs her a** kicked. Of course Courtney warmed up on Tracy last week, knocking her to the ground, which I really loved. Tracy - Jax doesn't want you. Deal with it.

Is the blond wig we have seen actually Laura, and if so why did she want Luke catatonic? If not, who is posing as Laura to get even with Luke for what? And now that Lucky is off in "El Fake-O Town-O May-He-Koe", and Skye is in the slammer (with a maternity prison jumpsuit, I'd suppose) WHO will rescue Luke, or even notice him missing? Maybe Alexis will notice? Maybe Ric will notice? Maybe his old P.I. pal Felicia will go looking for him? And if Blonde Wig isn't Laura, who is it? Maybe it's Leslie-Lu SORAS'ed (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome for the uninitiated to Soap World Lingo) into an angry teen hell-bent on getting even with her dad for ditching her? The Helena clone who has been serving Helena's jail time for her? Or could it really be Laura, and ABC has managed to keep Genie' return a Big Secret? One can only hope.

One can also hope that when Carly redecorates the hotel room at the island that she makes it looks less like a Motel 6, and more like an exclusive getaway that rich people might have if they owned their own island and Casino.

Another hope is that her best pal Courtney is able to win the 10 MILLION dollar bet with Jax. Ladies, seriously, for 10 Million bucks, couldn't you resist ANYONE? What a stupid GUY bet. "I bet you 10 Million bucks you can't go 3 months without having sex with me!" What kind of a bloated male ego bet is that anyway? For 10 million bucks, I could resist John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, George Clooney and any other guy you can name - what an easy way to make a lot of money! Mind you, I am certainly enjoying watching Jax try to seduce her, but temptation in and of itself isn't a sin, it's how you act on the temptation. Courtney can spend the next 3 months salivating for Jax and wanting him like crazy, overwhelmed with desire for him - but if she uses a little self controland doesn't give in to her desires then the real prize awaits her at the other end. Some people don't get that the way you go about things is just as important as the end result. At the end of the 3 month bet, in 90 short days, she can jump him on the 91st day if she is still hot and bothered, so why rush ahead when waiting would bring her everything she wants? Win the bet Courtney; show him what you're made of. Do it for all women everywhere. :

What will tomorrow hold dear readers? Will Dillon find the Phantom of L and B who's been singing through the hallways? Will Faith succeed in her 17th attempt to take over Sonny's territory, or end up like Wile E. Coyote again with an "Ouch" sign when she gets herself blown up? Will a guy who's been drunk as often as Luke really be able to be sedated, or won't his body just get used to it and wake up in about 30 minutes? Will Lucky agree switch places with his brother and pretend HE is Connor when Emily finds Nik as Lucky hasn't had a woman since Summer got pushed off the Cassadine bluffs?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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by Tamilu
For the Week of May 24, 2004
I'm Just a Singer in a Rock And Roll Band...

This week's Two Scoops columns
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May 24, 2004 columns
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Okay, dear readers, obviously, you know I'm a writer. (Or at least I fancy myself a writer.) You probably do not know that I am also a singer. Seriously. I sing. Not as well as say Whitney Houston, but certainly better than Bob Dylan, Sonny Bono, and William Hung, all of whom got record deals. Thus, you can imagine my shock to hear that Sage lost her voice in a bizarre paint-can accident. I have endured the same injuries as Sage. I went to Cleveland Indians games... In the 70's... When they always lost... So trust me, I have screamed. Really loud. I was also a bit of a tomboy, and have fallen on my knee and sprained it. None of those things "sprained my vocal chords" and rendered me unable to sing ever again. In fact, I sang today. And I screamed really loud just 2 days ago. (Not at a baseball game, but at my husband, if you must know.)

Sometimes the nonsense they come up with makes me laugh for all the wrong reasons. And Georgie is a major idiot. She confessed! She ratted herself out. What a moron! Hey Georgie, don't you know when to lie to cover your behind? Even my dog Rex can lie - if there is a ripped up newspaper in the floor when I get home and I say "REX! Did you rip up that paper?" He looks all around in that O.J. Simpson "Who me?" way, as though trying to find the real culprit, and never confesses to ripping up the paper. Thus, the conclusion, my 20 pound Schnoodle is smarter than Georgie.

This whole lame plot simply opens the door for the writers to repeat the same teen-love triangle they had last summer, Dillon/Sage/Georgie, as apparently they can't come up with any new ideas. (Of course we did hear a disembodied singing voice from the hallway, so one can only imagine our triangle may turn into a quadrangle.)

I can prove the writers lack of imagination by mentioning that Sam is carrying Sonny's child. Who HASN'T been pregnant with Sonny's baby? What a remarkably potent man he is. I should sleep with Sonny once, I mean I have no babies, my biological clock is ticking and one night with Sonny would give me an instant pregnancy, a lifetime of bodyguards, cash and penthouse living. Of course there is the gunfire to consider, and catfights with Carly, but I think it'd be worth the trade off to have a baby. Oh wait, Sonny is a fictional character, and babies cry all night and poop a lot. Never mind.

Speaking of poop, since when does Jason willingly lie? Apparently when protecting Michael is part of the bargain, lying is okay. That's known as situational ethics if you didn't take Psych 101 in college. Jason's big plan is to say Sam's baby is his, thereby keeping Sonny's family together and keeping Michael happy. Hmm. Back 100 years ago when I was in college, I dated a guy for several years. We got engaged. I had the ring, had the date set, had a plan. One drunken night, he picked up some Skanky Ho in a bar and went home with her. She ended up pregnant. He was honest with me, came to me in tears, told me the whole story, begged me to forgive him, and told me he'd make it work. But like Jason and Carly, I knew it would never work... Me and him married but dealing with Skanky Ho as the mother of his child for the next 20 years? I passed on that arrangement and dumped his butt. Carly and I are in sync on that. In one of those things that makes you smile in a wicked and superior way, he calls me at least once a year drunk out of his mind telling me how miserable he is and still regretting the Skanky Ho incident. HA! It also makes me happy when the ballerina from my high school who used to call me fat goes by and is 5 times as fat as I ever was. But that's my dark side and I pray about it daily...Really...

Back to GH... I truly loved the hospital chapel scene where Jason blew up at Sonny and reminded him he had entrusted his family to him and that Carly and Michael had been Jason's family first... Wow, what an amazing piece of acting by Steve Burton and Maurice Benard - of course I can't imagine 2 mobsters shouting about promises to God and paternity tests in a real hospital, but the emotions were real and it was a powerful scene. I hope Jason actually gets to be a daddy this time, and of course that will seal the break between him and Courtney leaving her free for Jax.

All the guys on GH have a foolproof plan to get the chicks. Luke takes them dancing at his club, Sonny takes them to the Island, and Jax takes them gambling in Monte Carlo. (This line is only for Betsy - J.P. had to "feed the cats" :... if anyone is DYING to know, ask.) As such, Jax has whisked Courtney off in his private plane for a gambling excursion to Monte Carlo where he has bribed her with ½ of his winnings for her charity. What happens if he loses? What does she get then? Oh yeah, a ride in a private jet and a weekend in Monte Carlo with an Australian stud. No down side there, huh?

There is a down side for Mary this week, her lies are catching up to her, and now Nik is shot and bleeding on her sofa. She is going to have to decide to either let him bleed to death, or call a doctor and risk him being recognized. Have you ever gotten yourself into some big scheme and then halfway through realize you just don't have the guts or the smarts to pull it off? I think Mary is about at that point. She's crazy, but not totally crazy. I think she was a genuinely decent person who had something horrible happen to her and flipped out. She's not a true evil villain sort like Helena or Faith; she's a lunatic which is much more sympathetic. But part of her insanity believes she can replace her dead husband with a guy who kind of looks like him. You cannot replace the SOUL of someone with a substitute. Betsy and I discuss that almost daily; we have been best friends for over 20 years. I live in California, and she's in Ohio. We still talk every day. Do I have friends here? Yep. Do they replace Betsy? Nope. All of you married folks, if your spouse died and you ran into an amnesiac who kind of looked like him and drug him/her home, would it be the same? No, there's all the nuances that happen over the years, the private jokes, the memories, the souvenirs of trips taken, the stories, the routines - my husband Jeff and I have about 15 years worth of Saturday Night Live skits we can do at will, how do you replace stuff like that, even with a look-alike? Mary is settling for a cheap imitation of love, and settling is never the right choice. Well, unless you're hungry, like right now - it is 2 AM and I want one of those Quizno's Low Carb flatbread things, but they are closed, so I am settling for Diet Pepsi and Walnuts.

Emily has become a judgmental moron. Why would I call her that you ask? Well, she's a moron as she has seen her fiancée from 3 feet away several times this week and never recognized him. How Speed Racer is that? Speed Racer (a cartoon from my childhood) had a brother named ReX and there was a guy called Racer X who looked just like Rex, but with a mask over his eyes, so Speed never caught on. Let me tell you - if my husband Jeff had a hooded sweatshirt on, I would still know it was Jeff. If Jeff was making out with some bimbo in the park and I saw just the back of his head, I would know it was his head. How can Emily keep seeing Nik and not recognizing him? And saying lame things like "There was something so FAMILIAR about that guy!" Uh, duh! And, I call her judgmental because she gets downright angry at Mary when she knows Mary is with another man, and accuses her of betraying her dead husband. I think Emily's anger is merely pent up sexual frustration and she is just upset that Mary is getting some and she isn't.

On another note, I hope you all watched the Daytime Emmy's Friday night. Our beloved GH crew won several awards, there was a moving tribute to the late great Anna Lee (Lila Quartermaine), Rachel Ames (Audrey Hardy) was part of a Lifetime Achievement presentation, Vanessa Marcil hosted, and we got to see our beloved Chad Brannon (Zander) win a much deserved Emmy that should make the casting people sorry they let him go. All of our guys gave great speeches, too. (Ric, Luke, Zander)

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Lucky get a recording contract at L & B now that he quit the Police Force? Will Alexis and Ric just do it and get it over with? Will Skye's stalker slice off her poncho and reveal her big pregnant belly? Will Lorenzo find something to do with his time other than spy on Sonny? Will Sam sleep with Jason the first night she moves in, or will she restrain herself and wait a week? Will Courtney buy Rosie a retractable leash so she doesn't keep running off? Will Sister Agnes hunt down Jason and scold him for lying? Will anyone get the obscure reference in the title?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, so I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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