I know this will disappoint everyone, but I don't have enough time or a high enough word count to properly cover all of Ben's abs last week. So, we'll just have to agree that this year's Fourth of July picnic was a lot hotter because of them. Sure, take a moment of silence if you need one (Read: wipe the drool away because we have a lot to discuss).
The big event happened. Sami and E.J. are officially married. That was a bittersweet moment for this EJami fan. Part of me is thrilled they've finally tied the knot (hello, eight-year wait). Then I remember the affair. And like Sami, I want revenge. E.J. didn't just cheat on Sami, he cheated on EJami fans, and you don't mess with this rowdy bunch of obsessed mo-fos. So, you go on with your bad, scheming self, Sami. I'm on your team, girl, and I've studied at the Kristen DiMera Academy of Crazy. Tag me in, coach -- I'm ready!
The games Sami is playing with E.J. are downright genius. Recording him while he opened the safe so that she could get his combination? Legendary! And what was in that safe, even more. Enclosed were nearly all the secret documents E.J., or Stefano, could hold over Sami's head in the future (and have in the past). This gives Sami power, and Sami with power is sure to be an amazing roller-coaster to ride.
More so, I love Sami being on top right now. Well, as "on top" as a heartbroken gal can be. For twenty-plus years we've watched Sami plan some, let's say, questionable things. As amazingly entertaining as her antics were, let's be honest, it was hard to root for her to ultimately succeed at things such as kidnapping her kid sister and selling her on the black market, drugging and raping dimwitted Austin, becoming a drag king/drug dealer, keeping Carrie and Austin apart by blackmailing Lexie into telling Carrie her children with Austin would have serious birth defects, that little shooting E.J. in the head thingy, and, well, yeah. She's done tons of horrendous things that make rooting for her to win difficult. Well, not this time.
This time around, Sami is teaming up with Kate (yes, please) as well as using her arsenal of scheming to avenge her broken heart against a worthy adversary (not to pick on her sugary sweet sister and her beaux with the intellect of an unripe grape). Sami and E.J. give as good as they get. They can handle this, and, oddly, probably (and eventually) become a stronger couple from it. But in the meantime, I love Sami holding the cards and mentally messing with Abigail. Sami deserves this victory lap, or swan song, as the case may be.
As for Jordan (a.k.a. Li'l Tammy Sue), she is going to be singing the blues very soon I fear. Blues? Maybe bluegrass, but I digress. Kate is ushering in some dark days for her in the form of her daddy dearest, Clyde. This guy is bad news, and so is his Duck Dynasty wannabe sidekick who knows how to use Google. I have a feeling that Kate is unleashing a monster onto Salem, which is a little awkward, considering Kate's own history with an abusive d-bag (See: Curtis Reed). Then again, Kate doesn't know why Jordan is hiding from Clyde, but I hope Kate's a big enough woman to acknowledge her whoopsy when the time comes. No, I won't hold my breath, but I will blame Rafe's "Peen of Salvation" for this storyline and anything that happens as a result.
Then there's Eve. There isn't enough praise I can give to @KassieDePaiva! She's crushing the role. It seemed like she seamlessly slipped into Salem and has been here for years. Kassie has a natural chutzpah that's making her Must-See TV. And Eve and Theresa on the same team!? Yes, please! That makes Team Anti-Jen consist of Eve, Jeannie-T, Anne, Jennifer's wardrobe, and every non-Dannifer fan. Have fun with that, Jenny.
So, Sami promised there is a big storm coming, and I have on my galoshes and an umbrella in hand. With Sami, Kate, Eve, and, very, very soon, Kristen manipulating Salem's weather patterns, I have no doubt we need to batten down the hatches this summer. I say, let it pour!
I'll start with a confession. I've always been a Roman and Marlena fan. Some of my earliest DAYS memories were watching them fall in love (remember him sleeping at her apartment to protect her from the Salem Strangler!? Aw!). So, yep, I'm a bit of a Sami when it comes to wishing they'd reunite. Last week, they were totally adorable. I like the maturity of their friendship and the ease with which they joke together -- she seems to have fun with Roman while John weighed her down with all his drama. Plus, Roman is due for his once-a-decade romp.
So, Patti Stanger is allowed to call Marlena "Mar," but Nicole is not. Interesting! Right. The point. Mar Mar called her good pal Patti and asked her to emcee the gala. Sure. Why not. At least she didn't ask the classy crew from the Daytime Emmys red carpet to host. There's that. But a call to Calliope Jones Bradford would have been a wee bit more entertaining, and a lot more nostalgic. Just saying.
Here's a zinger! Instead of John coming at Brady from a concerned father angle, why doesn't he simply try to relate to him from one former junkie to another? Wait! What am I talking about? Here it is. While I was strolling down Sami's memory lane of sin, I remembered -- while she was "Stan," she used to feed John pain pills after he was injured while trying to rescue his loved ones from Melaswen. Ergo, John was an addict, too. Mind blown.
Sans the entire DAYS not addressing the lingering Bo issues, blah, blah, blah, I like Hope and Aiden. They have a fun spark. And while I give Hope credit for encouraging Aiden to explain his mysterious past on his own terms, part of me wants her to police background check his shady dimpled goodness. It might save her some surprises (and possibly heartache) later. Still, I guess if you've been brainwashed, had submarine sex while under said mind control, dropped into a vat of acid, and have been addicted to pills that cause you to become a mugger ho with horrible lipstick, not much else can shock you. Moving on.
I'll ask again, why isn't T on more!? The guy's hysterical! Of course he enters hot dog eating contests and loses to Theo (LOL)! Of course he's ditzy enough to forget his date's name. Of course, I sort of felt bad for him when his former crush Abigail got to the picnic and he had to point her in the direction of Ben's abs, err, Ben. He's kind of the Gen Y Lucas -- always coming in second, but deliciously endearing and entertaining nonetheless. Though, he dates, so that doesn't make him exactly like Lucas.
Finally, I enjoyed the annual Fourth of July/soap hunks take off their shirts and frolic in the water picnic. I did. It was a nice break from the heavy drama. And whereas I appreciate the tradition, I kind of miss the days of the Horton/Brady Independence Day parties. They gave me nearly the same amount of warm fuzzies as decorating the Horton Christmas tree. Alas, I guess the times they are a-changin', and I guess all twenty of Ben's abs weren't that bad of a consolation prize.