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 Two Scoops: September 2, 2013 columns
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What do you say, dear?
by Tony
For the Week of September 2, 2013
DAYS was full of million-dollar questions last week! Sami was asked to sell out E.J. Jennifer and Dr. Dan reflected on what happened to their relationship. Brady popped the question to Kristen. Eric wondered what happened to him in the capital. And Will had to wonder if Nick had changed his wicked ways. Find out all the answers in this week's tell-all Two Scoops!
Wowza, DAYS fan! Last week was filled with it. By "it," I mean drama -- lots and lots of drama. You could probably say the it hit the fan. There was backstabbing, bitching, surprise twists, shocking exits and entrances, and flooring accusations being slung. Oh, and on the show there was a lot of that, too.

So, I'm not going to go into all the backstage drama. For one, I don't want Charlie Sheen to Tweet me. That's never a good time. But more so, I don't think I'd have the time, or word count, to cover both the on-screen and off-screen drama. For the former, simply click here to visit soapcentral.com's DAYS FrontPage and then head to the message boards to rant and rave. The last part's highly therapeutic. Both Marlena and I recommend it, proving that Doc and I can agree on something, thankyouverymuch.

Actually, Marlena and I have been agreeing on a lot these days. See, all it took was for her to take off those black gloves and have a chat with Victor. Well, there's more to it than that, but teaming up with Victor certainly makes me want to give Mar Mar a high-five. I love this partnership. Not to mention, it's showing Marlena as a take-charge, strong woman. So, sorry, John, but she's going to be okay, Mary Tyler Moore-style, and has a new Greek tycoon bestie as a wingman.

That isn't to say I'm overly eager to see Marlena succeed in destroying Kristen. Those two are like DAYS' version of Hannibal Lector and Clarice Starling. The world of Salem is much more interesting with both of them in it, playing their games. This quote to Clarice from Hannibal pretty much sums up how I feel about the two: "Your job is to craft my doom, so I am not sure how well I should wish you. But I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun." So far, so fun!

Conversely, I wasn't so sure that I'd have any fun with Sami and E.J. last week. I really, really thought the writers were going to go there and break up EJami. I think I still have lingering jitters from the last writers who kept them apart so long. But I was wrong, and happy to be so. The writers threw us a Hail Mary in the last minute and had Sami tell off Melinda. And oh, was it a good moment.

It was a very good moment, really, and we got some amazing EJami moments out of the entire ordeal. And now we can thankfully get back to E.J., Sami, Justin, and company working to save her from a life in the slammer. So far, the special prosecutor seems to be scoring left and right, but I wouldn't count out EJami yet. If there's one thing E.J. and Sami fans are good at, it is patiently waiting for this couple to come out on top. As long as her trial doesn't take six-plus years, we should be good.

While on the topic of scoring, if you're keeping it, Dr. Dan and Jennifer are broken up again. In other shocking news, the sun is bright, and grass is green. Yep, that about sums it up.

Okay, I should elaborate. J.J. spied mommy kissing Santa Claus Dr. Dan. Because of that smooch, J.J. flipped out, causing Dr. Dan to flip out, which caused Jennifer to cry. To go into even greater detail, J.J. called Jennifer a liar and a slut, Dr. Dan manhandled, er, boyhandled J.J., and Jennifer looked confused and cried a lot. You're right. It was as exasperating as it sounds.

At this point, my new friend Marlena and I need to sit down and talk to these three. First we'll advise Dr. Dan to get some anger management classes. Granted, J.J.'s 'tude would probably make even Father Matt fly into a holy rage, but that doesn't mean that Dr. Grabby was right. He wasn't. Is he going to rough up Parker when he spills a glass of milk? Exactly. Hands are for hugging, not hitting, Dr. Dan. Use your words.

Next, we'd advise the good doc to let it go, which he did, so points for him. But I think he needs a shock collar that will give him a jolt every time he thinks about, or gets near, Jennifer. This Jen/Dr. Dude/J.J. thing has a short shelf life, which kind of expired a month ago, or so, for me and my patience.

Jennifer's advice would be simple -- shut it down. Ground the kid, and date the guy if you want to. You're too old to be in limbo. Abigail has that covered. And if you can't handle the kid, send him to a shrink, or Cousin Julie. She'd be fast to smack the 'tude out of him.

As for J.J., he needs recurring sessions with Marlena to help him deal with his dead daddy issues. Since Mar Mar helped Jack, too, I think they could create a nice bond straight out of the gates. If nothing else, Marlena knows firsthand about kids scheming to get their parents back together. She may be able to break it to J.J. that it won't work in this case unless he buys a Ouija board or offs Jennifer.


LOOSE ENDS:
Eric Martsolf and Eileen Davidson have charming chemistry. Brady's proposal and Kristen's reactions were sweet and fun. But still, Brady is a bit of a doofus for speeding things up. Bit of/a lot of a doofus, the point is, he's a glutton for punishment, and it makes me want to slap him around some. But at least he's not on drugs again. There's that.

Jeannie-T got another lecture from a family member. This time it was Uncle Roman. I'll be honest, I'm not annoyed with this yet, mostly because it's giving characters like Kayla, Hope, and Ro Ro some screen time. In my book, that's not too shabby. Although with Hope's experience dealing with Chelsea, I really thought she'd be the one to crack Salem's newest crackhead.

Oh, sweet Jambalaya and corn bread! Eric is starting to remember his night at the Capital Hotel. He also saw a matchbook in Nicole's desk from said hotel. Methinks this is going to get very bad for Nicole. I hope I'm wrong.

Finally, Cameron spotted Chad and Abigail kissing. Because of that, Cam broke up with Abigail, but she countered with the news that she was going to do the same. On one hand, this is the most polite love triangle in the history of DAYS. No one has drugged anyone and set up the third party to find the other two in bed together yet. On the other hand, well, cats playing in boxes YouTube videos are arguable more entertaining.


SUMMER OF SINNERS
Think you're glad the kids are out of the house and back to school? Well, you've got nothing on the parents of these characters on our latest Summer of Sinners blog, "Parents' Worst Nightmares: Salem's Biggest Problem Children! Yep, these troubled tykes and teens make Dennis the Menace look like a saint. So give yourself a time-out and enjoy the blog!


Extra Scoops


HOT
Whoomp, there it is! If Alison Sweeney needs a submission for her Emmy reel, she can pretty much pick one of her performances last week. Ms. Thang always impresses, but I was completely captivated as Sami worked through her decision about the plea bargain and subsequent talk with E.J. about it. If I could start the wave for her, I would, but a one-manned wave is kind of lame, and my roommate's cat is not much of a team player. So I will just say, "Bravo, Ali! Bravo!"


NOT
Oh, seriously, Gabi!? I know she managed to get away with her crimes with a simple Urkel snort and a "Did I do that?" but she needs to wise up. When Will asked, "How are you so stupid?" I wanted to shout, "You've met, right!?" I know Gabi's libido has forgiven Nick, but she shouldn't expect Will and Sonny to, as well, especially after re-hearing all the terrible things Nick has done to them.

Not to mention, there's this little thingy that she's living in Sonny's apartment with her baby daddy and baby and splitting the responsibility. Given that she basically okayed Nick's actions by knowing he was a hateful homophobe and still wanting to play house with him, I'd say Will and Sonny are being rather kind to Little Miss Sassy Pants. Very kind, actually.

To be fair, I do think Sonny could have asked Will to come home and Justin to come to their place to talk so Gabi could have gone to class. I say that more because Gabi needs all the higher learning she can get. Ultimately, neither Will, Sonny, nor Gabi is perfect, but only the first two mentioned are smart enough to realize they're not. Wise up, Yo-Gabba-Gabi! Dumb isn't a good look for anyone.


LINE OF THE WEEK
Dr. Dan (to Kristen): "I'm having a really messed up day, all right. I've had it up to here -- no, I'm done, actually, with the lies, the secrets, my door is brokenůmy life is a mess!"

Honorable Mention
Brady (to Eric): "Wow! Father-brother you look like hell."


RANDOM THOUGHTS
Oh, oh! I want in on Dr. Dan and Parker Skyping Melanie. I miss that gal.

I think Sami should spend her time shooting a jailhouse workout video. If Richard Simmons and Susan Powter can make it big, Sami should have no trouble. Then again, last time she shot something, it didn't turn out too well. Whoops. Too soon?

Last time I saw a rock as big as the one Brady gave Kristen, J.J. and Theresa were trying to cook it over a teaspoon.

I really wish @LaurisaDays was Scooping last week. She would have understood the cream vs. nude shoe conundrum. Maybe Kristen can give me that explanation on women's shoe logic the next time we hang out at our book club. And by "book club," I mean secret room design classes.

Hmm. Gabi's gold dress was amazing a few weeks ago. I think her pants this week fell on the other side of the spectrum, though. Well, at least you won't miss her coming.

Thank goodness Brady pumps a little iron. Holding that huge diamond up while waiting for Kristen's answer must have been a workout in and of itself.

I loved, loved, loved the DAYS/The Million Second Quiz cross promo. Although it did make me miss the trivia bits the show used to do during commercial breaks.

Do priests really carry business cards?

Why I love Kristen Example 5,658: although she might be, as Nicole eloquently quipped, "a conniving, evil, diabolical skank," I still enjoy her softer side coming out. Brady's proposal managed to bring it out, and it was rather endearing. Just like Darth Vader, there's still a little human left rattling around in her hardened shell.


PARTING THOUGHTS
So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of September 2. Laurisa will be back next week to investigate more of Salem's unsolved mysteries. And "that's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading!
Tony


Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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