DAYS was like a Rubik's Cube last week. I twisted it. I turned it. I tried and tried and tried to make sense of it, but I couldn't quite get the right combination. So, I decided to rely on the old Rubik's standby -- take everything apart, line up the pieces, and put it back together in the correct order.
I did just that. And you know what I found? I was still left scratching my head. I'm not sure if the writers are making things up as they go or not, but I decided to make myself a drink and, after three or four, the giggles set in and it all began to make sense. Well, sort of.
STEFANO, E.J., SAMI, RAFE, and Company
Let's begin this section with a question. It's a simple one. Here it goes -- has anyone called Susan Banks yet? You remember Susan, right? She's E.J.'s spastic, bucktoothed, Elvis-obsessed mother who might want to know that her son was shot…in the head. Right, I was just curious about that one. Moving on…
Now, in case it wasn't entirely clear from the flashbacks, Sami shot E.J. in the head. Got it? Good! Now the fallout is upon us, which means -- drum roll, please -- a lot of accusatory showdowns and obligatory tense "Will he or won't he live?" moments. DAYS handed us both in spades last week, but, ironically, I didn't mind. I actually expected them and came prepared.
Perhaps the biggest reason I didn't care -- aside from aforementioned beverages -- is because those hospital scenes were like an actor showcase. I mean, really, how awesome was Joseph Mascolo?! We'll touch more on that later. In the meantime, let's talk about the other good aspects.
Okay, okay, sorry to leave you with crickets chirping. I was trying to remember the other good aspects I jotted down in my trusty notebook. Turns out, it was a blank page. Let me think on this one some more…
Um, okay -- I got one! It was nice to see Dr. Dan and Carly save the day. He was even courteous to Stefano and called him "Mr. DiMera." That was polite. And, of course, Dr. Dan proved he's come a long way since his sleazy days -- he didn't once try to put the moves on E.J. For the former Dr. STDan to resist someone in a hospital gown, that was a giant step. And with that, I'm spent.
More than anything, this storyline took a bizarre turn and I'm not thrilled about it on the whole. It's rushed. It's awkward. And mostly, I don't like Sami being so un-Sami-ish. Old-school Sami would have gone prepared. She would have had a plan. Sure, that plan would have eventually blown up in her face, but she would have had one.
This current version of Sami is like some stereotyped chick straight out of a Lifetime movie. I don't buy it. I don't want to buy it. Sami Brady can handle pressure well. She was in the middle of a flipping war zone dressed as a man, for goodness sake. She can handle pressure.
I'm also reluctant to buy the entire "Sami snapped because she was scared for her children's safety" angle for one big reason. If she hadn't left said kids she was so worried about to shack-up with Old Raffers, I might be more willing to accept that excuse. But she didn't. She left.
Heck, she and Rafe could have easily stayed at Caroline's ever-expanding boarding house or even slept in sleeping bags outside the kid's room. But they didn't. I'm just saying, if my kids are being threatened, I'm gonna be there -- end of story -- booty calls can wait. So, nope, the pieces of this Rubik's Cube are definitely not lining up yet and I'm growing impatient. Ah, well, I guess that means it's time for a refill.
SAMI, WILL, and KATE
Perhaps this section could've been lumped with the previous. However, I thought it deserved its own moment in the spotlight, mostly because it could be a silver lining. I could be onboard with this storyline if the writers use it as a tool for two things.
One, I'm always entertained when Sami and Kate are forced to work together. Something about it is so wrong that it's right. Of course, Alison and Lauren are fantastic to watch! They've perfected bitter rivalry like few duos I've seen before. And now that Sami and Kate have a common problem, I'm curious to see how that aspect plays out.
The second silver lining might be Sami and Will possibly teaming up, too. I'd like to see him on his mother's side for once. And after all, "witnessing an attempted murder" is listed right under "same taste in music" in the book, The Complete Idiots Guide to Bonding.
True, Sami was wrong. She might even deserve a "time out." Shooting someone…in the head…is a bit of a no-no. But if it means Will would see his mother's side, stand by her, and not condemn her, I might be able to get behind that. Sami could really use his help and he's shown us recently that he's actually capable of forgiveness and compassion (Please reference: Chad and Will, Old Enemies, New Pals, pages 1-30). So, if he can subdue his Horton self-righteous streak long enough to help her, I'm in.
VIVIAN, VICTOR, MAGGIE, and COMPANY
The surly old sarcastic Tin Man has a heart after all. I'd like a show of hands -- who "awed" at Victor and Ciara's scenes? He even put aside his hatred of Carly to give the tyke some sound advice. Aw! I loved it, and so did Maggie!
Of course, Maggie didn't come out and say that. She decided to flee instead. And by "flee" I mean go on vacation. But you wouldn't know that by the way everyone overacted to Maggie's trip. Folks, she wants to play shuffleboard, hit on a few cabana boys, and talk to her dead husband. Chill, she'll be back.
Or will she? Not if Vivian has anything to say about it! Yep, Auntie Viv is still crazy-ing full-steam ahead with her plan to place Big Red in the big marble sarcophagus, complete with a flat screen monitor and toxic paint. I'd say that's a step up. Carly only got a walkie-talkie and some Chinese herbs.
Nevertheless, I'm still not fully enjoying my ride on the Seen-This-Before-Somewhere Express, but I'm over the initial annoyance. I look at it as a random joyride. If I sit back, giggle at the absurdity, and mix-drink my way through it, I'll be just fine. I just hope some of my favorite characters will fare as well when all is said and done.
CHLOE and CARLY
Okay, I'm pretty sure Carly is a hippie stoner. There is NO way anyone can be that peace, love, and harmony without a little indulgence. Sans her über-awesome tough, kick-Viv-and-Gus's-butts side, Doc Manning has mastered letting water roll off her back.
My daughter treated me like trash for months on end? Chill, man, it's cool. My boyfriend rescued his ex and expressed she's the love of his life? Hey, no problem. You nearly murdered me, Chloe? It's cool, it's cool, let's head over to the 'Heart for a brewski. Yep, she's either smoking the ganja or she's just that chill. I'll let you decide.
CHLOE and NATHAN
Ah, it's always a guaranteed good time when a stupid slut and a sanctimonious surgeon get together. For starters, Chloe's opening defense was weak. She said she was thinking. Granted, she might have been pondering things such as, "Wow, my middle finger is the longest!" or "Hey, there's a boat on the water!" but buying she was lost in deep thought was a bit suspect.
Nevertheless, Nathan merely walked up and asked, "Who's the daddy?" Chloe's response, "You're not a nice person, Nathan." HA! I shouldn't have been so amused by their argument given he was acting a bit pompous, but Chloe's flustered kindergarten-level comebacks had me giggling.
But I am still stumped by Nathan telling her to worry about her own problems. Maybe I'm wrong, but I kind of thought that's what she was doing when he approached her. After all, she said she was -- excuse me while I giggle -- she said she was -- one more second, please -- she said she was thinking/pondering her life. Methinks Nathan is just a giant buttinsky.
NATHAN, STEPHANIE, and IAN
While on the subject of things I don't like about Nathan, a character I normally do like for the most part, I still don't get his take on Ian. Granted, he made one amazing point. If Ian was one of Steph's "best friends" why hasn't he heard about him before? I'll give Nathan that, but that's all.
Maybe I'm behind the curve, but when my roommate has friends over, I usually begin with, "Hi, nice to see you again! How have you been?" as opposed to an accusatory "What are you doing here?" But that's just me. Maybe Nathan never learned -- what's the word? -- manners! Sure, I'm being picky, but his take one Ian annoys me almost as much as the hollow thump sound empty prop cups make when they're placed on hard surfaces.
Speaking of empty props, Stephanie really, really annoys me too. That's not so much of a news flash, but I wanted to scream, "Stop the presses!" when I heard her say, "[Philip] gave away his kid to complete strangers." Nastybitchsaywhat!? Okay, do I even have to explain why the comment is absolutely ridiculous? We get it, writers, Stephanie is a badass now. Got it!
In related news, Stephanie is starting to make Vivian look mentally stable.
It's official -- I love this semi-bad boy side of Brady! His wishy-washy attitude has been replaced with sarcasm. His "Aw, shucks!" forgiveness policies have been replaced by a backbone. And he's not even attempting to sing sappy love songs. If he keeps this up, he might get invited to the imaginary Two Scoops happy hours Laurisa and I throw every Friday before Scooping!
Salem has been Chelsea-less for far too long. Rachel Melvin needs to be asked to come back. That's all there is too it. Chelsea would have Steph and company whipped back in shape with two sarcastic cracks and an eye-roll.
In lieu of giving Rafe yet another super-sized "Not" rant, I'm letting him slide with a regular, value meal-sized one. He needs to look up the word "tact." My jaw dropped when he wished all the DiMeras dead. Um, not only was close Brady family friend Lexie standing right there with her close Brady family friend husband, Abe, but, guess what, Rafe-O? Johnny and Syd are DiMeras too! He probably didn't think of that. Then again, not thinking seems to be his specialty at times.
Uh-oh, it looks like Stefano has some competition for the race to become Salem's biggest narcissistic, eccentric psychopath. It looks like Auntie Viv has a sultry oil painting of herself in her room. I think these two should have an ego-off!
I think anyone who watched DAYS last week will actually agree with me on one thing -- Joseph Mascolo was ah-mazing! The guy better shake hands with Mr. Emmy next year or else I'm going to write a somewhat heated letter to the Emmy judges politely urging them to rethink their choice in winners. That'll teach, 'em! The guy was simply brilliant. He needs to be recognized with a gold statue or at least large bottle of Limoncello!
Dear Stephanie, Please shut up. Love, Tony
LINE OF THE WEEK:
Chloe (to Nathan): "If you're going to suggest therapy or sex rehab again I'm going to toss your ass in the river."
Honorable Mention: Carly (warning Vivian/to Gus, after shoving him): "You know, I remember the last time we squared off. And if I remember correctly, your boney ass ended up on the floor." Carly, you go on with bad-self, girl!
I've never seen a nearly bloodless operation before. Dr. Dan IS the best around!
Why did underage-Melanie and Philip decide to take pregnant-Chloe to a dive bar to discuss a baby shower?
Oh, yeah -- Isabella and Philip are siblings. I always forget that!
Have I mentioned lately that Jennifer is coming home! Can. Not. Wait!
James Scott has effectively gone from K.D. Lang to Sinead O'Connor. I kid, I kid, the guy's still 100% certified soap stud, comatose category.
Um, where's Celeste?
So, friends and DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of September 13th. Are you still confused? Yep, me too! But don't worry. Laurisa will be back next week with plenty of answers, and a sledgehammer in case we still can't figure out the dang Rubik's Cube! And, "That's a fact."
Need more Two Scoops? Head over to read blogs by Laurisa or Tony for more ranting, raving, and all-out randomness