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 Two Scoops: July 2, 2007 columns
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Lauren Koslow
Blackmail and baby-switches
For the Week of July 2, 2007
This past week, Kate was back in full effect, using information given to her in a private conversation to blackmail Nick into doing her bidding.


**Due to technical difficulties, this column is late. I am so very sorry, and I appreciate all of you who wrote to me asking where the column was. A lot went on this week, so let get right into, okay? Okay! **

You know, I knew that it couldn't last. What I am referring to is the wonderful Kate-free weeks that we have had since her little fit at Lucas's apartment. It was so quiet and much less annoying. But this week Kate was back in full effect, using information given to her in a private conversation to blackmail Nick and do her bidding. Sigh. You know, I was thinking, is there a character on soaps that I hate more than Kate? I even hate the racist arsonist on OLTL less than I hate Kate, and I'm an African-American. I realized that it is only a tie with GH's Ric Lansing. He is much more despicable, but at least I look forward to watching him. Not so with Kate. I just wish she would leave, although I like Lauren Koslow, they are driving this character into the ground. She has no particular life of her own to speak of unless it somehow involves controlling one of her kids' lives. Now she wants poor Nick to switch the results of the paternity test, making sure that everyone believes that EJ is the father of both babies, never mind the fact that one or both of them might actually be her own grandchild. She is such an evil hypocrite. She goes on, and on, and on, and on about how much she loves her children and tries to prove it by being their svengali. But in the same breath that she is waxing poetic about what a great mom she is, she is possibly throwing one or two of her grandchildren away to be raised by the DiMera's. Great parenting there, Kate.

My boy Nick did stand up to Esmeralda (my favorite personal nickname for Kate), and told Billie what she was up to. Billie, of course, reamed her out and Kate quickly backpedaled and pretended that poor, sweet, simple Nick must have misunderstood. Then of course she turns right around and let Nick know that she wasn't joking and wanted those results switched. Sorry, but what an evil bitch.

Before Kate ruined Nick's endorphin rush, he was running around on cloud nine because he and Chelsea actually sealed the deal. Chelsea, on the other hand was not quite as ecstatic. She basically avoided Nick like the plague until he left for work and then immediately called Stephanie over for some girl talk. Chelsea was concerned that the earth didn't move for her, oh and the fact that she kept thinking about Nick doing her mom the whole time. Ouch. She needs to ask Julie (her step-mom's sister/stepmom) how to deal with that. I digress, though. Stephanie has to be about the most useless friend ever. At first she was telling Chelsea that it was no big deal and things would get better with time and in the next breath she was telling Chelsea to admit that Nick didn't rock her world and that she should dump him for Jett. Taking advice from Stephanie 2.0, turbo-ho is going to bring Chelsea nothing but misery. Chelsea's dramatics are once again getting on my nerves. First she loves Nick. Then Nick doesn't trust her enough, though she has done a billion horrible things, like last year, so she dumps him. Then she needs some evidence tampered with so she loves him again. Then she can't decide if she wants a future with him so he dumps her. Next thing you know (literally) she is losing her virginity to him and whining about how it wasn't as great as she thought. I meant to mention this like a year ago and forgot, but does anyone else think that Chelsea might need a little therapy? I'm not being facetious, she lost both of her parents in a car crash that very nearly killed her, found out that Bo and Billie are her bio-parents when she never even knew she was adopted, she killed her little brother in an accident caused by her negligence and nearly went to jail for it. Now don't get me wrong, I much prefer Chelsea now to Chelsea a year ago, and I really do think that the character has matured and turned over a new leaf, but having that many life-altering incidents happen in such a short period of time has to be psychologically damaging. That and the Billie and Nick thing. That would be bothersome.

Speaking of Stephanie, I would just love one of these times that Jerk-emy is going off on his jerk tangent about Stephanie's "pea brain" that Steve hears him. Just once. Then Jerk-emy will need an eye patch too. Who the hell raised this kid? We all know that Mike really didn't as he spent most of the 90's in Salem, Robin and Jeremy-less. Who is his mother and why did she raise him to act like that? Look, I know that sometimes there are just anomalies and people from perfectly good families end up being murderers or whatever, but more often than not men treat women either the way they saw their mothers being treated or how their mothers taught them to treat women. So who taught Jeremy to belittle and bully girls into getting his way? Sorry for my rant, but I really, really hate that Mike's son has turned out to be such a buttwipe. And Stephanie is no better. As Max so eloquently put it, Kayla would kill him for letting Jeremy talk to Steph that way and to take that a little further, Kayla would kill Stephanie if she knew that she not only let a man treat her that way, but made excuses for him when Max called him on his crap. So what if he told her not to be there for an hour? She could have went into the cockpit and hung out there or even in the bathroom or service area (forgive me, I've never been on a plane) if he needed her to be out of sight. Or hell, my personal favorite, wherever the h-e double hockey sticks she wanted to, because last time I checked she was a grown woman and Jerk-emy is not her daddy.

I just couldn't believe that Max went through with Jerk-emy's super-shady deal 1. after he witnessed Jerk-emy's verbal abuse (sorry that's what bullying and name calling amount to) of Stephanie 2. After he knew that the DiMera's were involved. Where in the heck is Max's head at? Being caught up in something illegal with a guy like Jeremy can only lead to bad, bad things. And where did that guy who looks like an extra from Cheech and Chong's last movie come up with tens of thousands of dollars? Hope you like jail Max!

Sami and Lucas, along with Marlena, learned this week that Sami is expecting twins, a boy and a girl (just like her and her twin Eric). Sami was not exactly pleased at the prospect, but I think that was only because so much drama is surrounding these babies. I noticed a lot of people on the message board were appalled that Marlena would offer to switch the paternity test for Sami, citing it as out of character. Here's my opinion: who cares? It's about freaking time that Marlena went out of her way for Sami the same way she does for Belle and even Carrie. I have been waiting for years for Marlena to have Sami's back in the same unconditional way she does for Belle and I finally got my wish. So you may not agree and that's okay, but I LOVED it. I also loved Sami actually thinking it through and turning down the offer as the truth always eventually comes out. You know, come to think of it, that was probably the best Sami/Marlena heart-to-heart I have ever seen. Sami and Marlena discussed EJ and the rape (I know that is still in dispute due to the circumstances, but since EJ admitted it in so many words and that is how I view it, that is what we're going to call it) and Sami made a good point saying that EJ doesn't love her because a man doesn't rape the woman that he loves. She also hoped that one day someone hurt him the way that he hurt her. Wow, what a real thing to say.

I really enjoyed Hope sneaking into the DiMera mansion and taking photos of those letters, while Steve had drugged Anna, Tony and Bart to make her access easier. Of course, she got caught by Stefano, who wanted to know exactly what she was doing in his house. On a side note, those little fingertip pushes that Stefano was giving Hope was genius. I don't know who thought it up but that was an interesting little touch. Steve covered it by saying that he and Hope have been having an affair since he was in the mental hospital. Stefano sent Hope on her way and let Steve blow his own cover before letting Steve know that he didn't believe a word of their "affair." He said to let the Bradys find out about Colleen. I hate to say it, but I really want this feud to actually be the Bradys fault. I would hate to have watched the feud for all these years for it to turn out to be a misunderstanding.

Anyway, after being drugged at Stefano's house, Anna somehow stumbled to Bo and Hope's, not feeling very well and wanting Roman to take her to bed. Now she claimed that she didn't mean that she wanted to sleep with him, she wasn't feeling well and wanted him to take her home. After they left Bo and Hope made a bet on whether or not Anna and Roman would end up sleeping together. I hope that they do! Roman hasn't had any booty, what since Nicole left town? Come on, he is a handsome man!

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS

I really enjoyed Roman's full tilt boogie rage when EJ was grinning about being Sami's baby (ies) daddy. I really thought he might choke him.

The whole hotel scene in Vegas made my head hurt. There should be a limit of 5 annoying, self-absorbed characters per scene.

It just occurred to me that Lucas is Jerk-emy's uncle. Maybe he can punch him a little bit, eh?

Why do I feel like I am being suckered into the Chelsea/Jett relationship?. It's like they are pushing them together so hard once you separate them a diamond will fall out.

So what will happen next week? Will Max actually be able to quit his partnership with Jeremy, or will Jeremy smooth things over with some Yanni tickets? What is really in those crates (I'm still voting crack)? Will Chelsea stop listening to Stephanie and actually give herself and Nick and chance? Will Kate do me favor and fly off on her broom? Tune in next week and find out!



Until Next Time!

Melissa


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.



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