Faking it until you make it usually pans out in the end, but Bill and Sheila's aspirations go up in flames and feathers when they expose their hands to their enemies this week on B&B.
In case you missed it, Bill already warned Liam that he didn't want to be Bill's enemy, but after Bill confessed to setting Spectra ablaze, Liam has run out of hooks to let his father off of.
The only hook Sheila needed to worry about was the one holding her coat when Eric told her it was time to head out the front door. Sheila played herself when she was unable to resist the urge to pound Quinn's face into a mattress when Quinn caught Sheila prancing around her bedroom like the Cinderella who Eric was about to fit with the matching glass slipper.
How will Sheila worm her way back into Eric's life? Will Bill get his skyscraper or be sentenced to scraping shower stalls in prison?
Maybe someone in Los Angeles will do away with Bill Spencer before Lieutenant Baker's hot dog truck even pulls up. I've got a list of suspects, motives, and plots for a little game of "Who Might Do It" in this week's murderous B&B Two Scoops!
Tragedy strikes Spectra Fashions and the USA
In an uncanny coincidence, tragedy befell the fictional Spectra clan at the same time it barreled into the United States. On the show, Bill orchestrated an electrical fire that burned Spectra Fashions to the ground, leaving Sally with nothing but tears and smoke inhalation. To make matters worse, Thomas came to visit with no plans to stick around to help her rebuild.
As Sally sobbed in her hospital bed with the sooty Grams and Saul by her side to comfort her, I thought of my fellow Americans who were sobbing, wet, and clinging to each other at that very moment after having lost everything they've worked for when Hurricane Harvey slammed into America's south coast last week.
Our hearts and prayers go out to the survivors in Texas and Louisiana. You face adversity, but you are not alone. The world has answered your call for help, and we will keep answering until you have rebounded stronger than you were before. Just like the fictional Sally Spectra, do not be shy about asking for help in your moment of need, and just like the fictional Forresters who want to help the Spectras, the world is rushing to assist you in every way it can.
Now back to our regularly scheduled Two Scoops...
Mad enough to "Murdah"
Bill's done a lot of things to a lot of people, and to my knowledge, he hasn't served a moment of prison time for it. Even the great Victor Newman (from The Young and the Restless) has had to share an eight-by-eight with an unscrupulous cellmate before, but I don't recall if Bill's ever even been brought in for questioning on a crime. That's about to change because Liam is ready to risk everything Spencer to expose Bill's fiery misdeeds.
Everybody knows that Bill has judges in his pockets. He's even got a military in his pocket, which helped him rescue Thomas and Brooke from Berry Island. So even if Liam turns Bill in, Bill probably won't be in jail long enough for a round of prison ball before he's released on a "technicality." We know it, and the people he's hurt know it.
So the question is: which one of those people might be bold enough to rid the world of Bill before he's even fitted for an orange jumpsuit? In the name of fun, here's a list Two Scoops deep of people who might want to permanently deflate Dollar Bill Spencer.
Katie Logan and the castor bean casserole
Let's be real. Bill drove Katie crazy. He was her first real love, and after being the last Logan duckling that any man ever chose, he finally made her feel validated. Bill didn't even like her ditzy blonde sisters. All Donna could do for him was sign him over her Forrester stock, and the only thing Brooke used to be good for was a wet tee shirt fantasy. All that changed after the postpartum Katie decided to match-make her husband and sister before what she thought was her impending death.
Katie put up with Bill trying to kill Amber, bringing Deacon back into her niece's life, drinking too much, fooling around with Steffy, and having a miscarriage with Brooke -- and Katie still took him back, only to have him gaslight her over his affair with Brooke.
Sure, Katie is back on her feet, and she's even got a new man in her life -- who happens to be Bill's son. But after she hears what Bill put his other son Liam through with a fake terminal illness secret and the arson secret, Katie might decide Bill won't wreak the same type of havoc on Will. If she's gonna date Wyatt, she certainly won't want Bill's deadly interference in her love life.
Killing Bill will be easy for Katie. She's off his radar, so no one will suspect her. All she has to do is invite him to dinner, feed him a deadly helping of castor bean casserole, and send him on his merry way. He'll either die or have a hell of a board meeting with his toilet when he gets home.
Justin Barber witnesses a great fall
Another person who might be fed up with Bill but least suspected of his murder is Justin, the criminal arm of most of Bill's scams. Sure, Bill is Justin's best friend, but what has Bill done for Justin except involve him in a life of crime?
Justin is the one who ordered the arson, and Justin will go to jail right along with Bill if Liam suggests to police that Justin was involved -- or Bill pins it on Justin. A war of implications would ensue, possibly leading to the discovery of other crimes. Liam will probably comb the Spencer books, uncovering a mountain of crimes, leading to Justin's imprisonment and disbarment.
With Justin's murder plot, he can literally kill two birds with one tower. All he has to do is text Bill and Liam to meet each other on the Spencer rooftop to talk out their differences. Once they're in place, Justin calls the police to say Bill and Liam are arguing on the roof. Once the police are on their way, Justin and one of his goons rush Liam and Bill, knocking them both off the roof.
Presto! Justin tells the police that Liam slipped, and when Bill tried to pull him up, both men went over the ledge. Justin is free of being Bill's lackey and doesn't have to worry about Liam digging through the files of his deceased father and finding other crimes Justin might be involved in.
Alison has a bone to pick with Bill
Ever the work wifey and never the home wifey, Alison is loyal to Bill, but it's never gotten her a thing. Does he even give her Christmas cards? Well, that might not be an appropriate gesture from the Antichrist, but you get my point. Whether she's blonde or brunette, Alison will never be more than Bill's executive babysitter and criminal errand girl.
While Bill is an unscrupulous boss who turned her into a human daycare center, Alison can't say he never gave her anything. Because he realizes that, over the years, he's made her unfit to work for a real human being, he set up a trust fund of five million dollars for her in an offshore account, payable only if Bill bites the dust.
Alison just learned that Bill tried to sign her money over to C.J. in that damned land deal, and she wants to collect it before Bill decides to give it away to anyone else.
How does Alison pull off the murder? She orders up a rack of ribs from Bill's favorite barbeque shack, and while he's eating, she waves around Beatrice's incense cones until Bill chokes to death on rib bones and smoke. If he opens his mouth to tell her to quit it while he's eating, she can shove a bone down his throat to shut him up permanently.
Voila! Bill is gone, and his office is fumigated of evil at the same time. Now Alison can pick up her cash and hire cabana boys to live the high life on holiday with the original Sally Spectra.
Quinn's body paints of death
Quinn Forrester has come a long way from those days when Bill tossed money at her for an abortion, but she's still not over Bill jilting her for Wonder Brooke. Quinn also doesn't appreciate that Eric is still pissed that Ridge took Brooke from him back in the year 20 A.D.
Quinn couldn't stand it when Brooke leaned on Deacon during her alcohol problems or that Brooke broke poor Ridge's heart when she picked Bill over him. Quinn can fight her own battles, too, so Wonder Brooke can take her golden lasso elsewhere, because all Quinn needed was a few pillow feathers to float the truth out of Sheila.
Yeah, Quinn's motive for murder is all about revenge on Brooke. How does Quinn pull it off? She convinces Brooke and Bill to spice up their love life with some edible body paints and gifts the couple with a package of them laced with -- you guessed it -- castor beans from Katie's garden. Quinn will be more than happy to inform the police of the contentious relationship the castor bean farmer had with her dearly departed sister and dead ex-husband.
Caroline's Spencer Tower tribute
Caroline left L.A. to escape the lies to Thomas that she got herself caught in with Ridge to keep Thomas at bay. The moment she's back, Bill has her lying about dying in order reel Thomas in! As if the beautiful, well-educated Caroline Spencer needs to pretend to die to get a man...
Caroline isn't dying, and unlike Brooke, there ain't no way in hell Caroline's playing second fiddle to a toy building. She was livid enough to swat "Sky" into outer space. Bill claimed he wasn't twisting her arm, but I saw plenty of twisting when he stopped her from slapping "Sky." Betcha when that happened, Caroline was thinking of the time Bill flipped her over a balcony when they argued about her keeping the Deacon secret.
Caroline is at the end of her rope. If she kills Bill, it will be in the heat of passion. If he manhandles her again, you can probably expect the cops to find Bill impaled butt first on his stupid "Sky" model.
Thomas' Toxic Tonic
Thomas is a dope, but he has one thing going for him: he's Stephanie Forrester's grandson. If you cross him enough times, that deadly Douglas cray-cray is bound to surface. If Thomas learns that Bill and Caroline tricked him into thinking she was dying and that Bill had Spectra set on fire, it just might be time to thaw the berries he stashed away in the freezer.
How would Thomas execute the murder? He sneaks into Bill's house when he knows Brooke is at the Forrester mansion, nosing in Eric's business. Thomas pours a batch of blended berries into Bill's protein shake. When Bill starts walking sideways and neighing at the walls, Thomas leads Bill to the deep end of the pool for a long walk off a short diving board.
The Spectra gang fights fire with fire
Now that Bill Spencer had Spectra Fashions burned to the ground, he just might find out how deadly carnie freaks without their big top can be. It was all fun and games when Bill hid who really won the fashion challenge, but when Bill starts playing with electrical fires, he might get burned.
Sally might not have the balls to burn down Spencer Publications, but that gift-destroying Saul Feinberg seems like just the passive-aggressive type to avenge Sally and Spectra Fashions. Saul enlists gangster Grams in her black robber's muumuu to help him sneak into Spencer to rob Bill's war room and lock Bill in it before setting fire to the vacant executive floor.
Knowing Bill, the war room is probably fireproof, but if he doesn't die, he'll think twice before setting someone else's business on fire.
Bill's ultimate scam
If faced with prison time for arson, Bill just might kill Bill to get out of it. Not for real, of course. He's way too narcissistic to ever be suicidal. But in Bill's mind, it might serve his ungrateful family right if he changed his will, leaving everything he owns to Brooke, and let them spend the rest of their lives poor and struggling without him and feeling guilty about his death -- until he figures out a way to make the arson charges disappear, and he can return to town to resume screwing up their lives.
How will Bill get away with it? Before Bill is formally charged, he decides to go on a hunting trip in the mountains to get away from his berating family. Justin receives a message to get to Bill's campsite right away. The park rangers show Justin a ripped and bloody tent and hand him a sword necklace with a broken clasp, all that remains of Dollar Bill Spencer.
A DNA lab report confirms that the DNA on the necklace matches the blood found in the tent, but when compared to Liam, they discover that Liam is not a match. The DNA does match Wyatt, Will, and samples from Bill's hairbrush. The officials declare Bill legally dead.
Justin visits Brooke that night and tells her that she needs to take some pills to help her sleep. The grieving Brooke doesn't want to because of her addiction problems. Justin offers to stay so she's not alone, and when she finally falls asleep, Justin drugs her with a needle.
When Brooke awakens, she's groggy and freaked out to find herself on a deck chair in the middle of the ocean on the Stella Maris. Justin tells her that he was starting to get worried that he'd overdosed Bill's sleeping beauty. Brooke demands to know what's going on. Justin leads her below deck to a cabin, and she gasps to see Bill in a hospital bed, recovering.
Bill asks how his most favorite things in the world are. Brooke tells him that she's fine now that he's alive, and his money is still in the bank where he left it. "And here's 'Sky,'" Justin adds, wheeling in a cart with the model skyscraper on it.
Seeing animal scratches on Bill's arms and chest, Brooke asks what happened to him. Bill says he had to make it look real somehow. Justin says he turned in his own blood for Liam's test, and it came out as Bill wanted. "Good, I told that no-good do-gooder I'd disown his narrow ass if he crossed me, and I meant it," Bill says.
Justin states that he also has a way of getting Bill's name cleared, so Bill will be back from the dead just in time for Thanksgiving. "It'll give those spoiled bastards in my so-called family something to actually be grateful for," Bill concludes.
The Spencer family forever changed
As ruthless as Bill is, family really does matter to him. "Sky" must be some kind of wonder for Bill to risk tearing his entire family apart to see it to fruition. Or did Bill really believe that no matter Liam's morals, Liam would not betray his father? Should Liam have been blindly loyal to Bill, like Wyatt is to Quinn? Liam gave that kind of loyalty to the gun-slinging, tire-iron-wielding Steffy. Why not his own father?
Steffy was right when she told Liam that he might ruin his relationships with Wyatt and Bill if Liam insisted upon ratting Bill out just to clear Liam's own conscience. No matter what Quinn does, Wyatt will not report her to the authorities, and he will try to talk her victims out of reporting her. Liam seems to take great pleasure in being morally superior to his father, and he probably only tolerates Steffy's moral deficiencies because they feed into his savior complex.
Being Bill Spencer's son comes with heavy burdens. I'll give Liam that much. Bill should face some sort of accountability. Bill does need to learn that he cannot have everything his way. It's just not a lesson he'll take from his justice warrior son. Whether or not Bill will learn it from the justice systems remains to be seen if Detective Ineffective gets on the case.
According to the preview videos for next week, Liam seems to take pleasure in outing Bill in front of Thomas, Caroline, and Sally for illness fraud. I wonder if Caroline will sulk like a victim who hasn't had twenty-four hours in every day since the lie started to come clean on her own. It's safe to say she and Thomas are done, and he won't be on that return flight to New York.
The only part of Caroline's story left unpunctuated is whether Thomas will use the illness lie against Caroline to take Douglas from her. Pencil pants and diaper bags do not match, so Caroline's probably keeping her baby. What do you think?
Brooke's response to Bill's slash, burn, and scorch strategy against his enemies will be watch-worthy. So far, she has been blasé about Bill's "Sky" obsession and going along with it, as long as she doesn't have to live in it. But she is raising an impressionable son, and it will be hard to teach R.J. to do the right thing when Bill takes advantage of people every chance he gets. Maybe it's a good thing R.J. lives with Rick and Maya in Brooke's old house.
That is where R.J. lives, right? And Nicole and Zende? Are they still at Eric's mansion?
Knock me over with a feather
Speaking of the mansion, we might not know if Nicole and Zende still live there, but we definitely know who just got thrown out of there. Sheila lost her patience with Quinn and her patient status right along with it. James can breathe a sigh of relief because Sheila is back at the hotel, threatening them instead of him.
Sheila can call women bitches, but she can't be called a bitch, as she made evident this week when she called Quinn one in an argument that sparked the pillow war for the ages. Feathers flew like there was a fox in the henhouse, but the silver fox must be losing his hearing because he never came to see what all the racket was. Glass shattered, the women yelled, and the floor thudded, but Eric was in the living room, chilling like it was a quiet Sunday afternoon.
Eric grimaced when the women arrived downstairs, flushed and feathered, to tell on each other. He wasn't pleased by the violence, but it was apparent that Sheila was well enough to return to the hotel, and he asked her to leave.
Was it just me, or did Eric seem a little disappointed to have to send a member of his harem packing? Sorry, Sheila, your time is up. You have been voted out of the Flava-Flav mansion! Give Eric your clock and do not spit on Quinn as you head to the door.
Eric had better stop feeling sorry for Sheila and start feeling some empathy for Quinn. While Eric's busy confusing himself about who his wife really is, Ridge is back on the Quinn prowl. He's not even hiding it. Ridge busted right up in the house and jumped to Quinn's defense during her conversation with Eric about Sheila.
Ridge didn't even say, "Hello, can I come in? How are you doing? Am I interrupting something?" No. He just stirred himself all up in the tea without even knowing what flavor it was, and Eric seemed surprised by it. It's good that someone has Quinn's back, though. She has almost been killed three or four times this summer, and her husband ain't worth a damn dime of defense against a woman who probably has the mark of the beast tattooed beneath her hair.
Maybe seeing Ridge circling Quinn will remind Eric to comfort her, not Sheila. I won't hold my breath.
In a look ahead
There's a shift of storylines on the horizon. We can look forward to seeing Quinn express gratitude for Ridge's support while Sheila musters up her army of one -- Charlie -- to help her set a trap for Ridge and Quinn. The green beetle finally bites Maya, and she becomes jealous of Nicole's bond with Lizzy. Maya has a promotion in mind for Zende. With Rome Flynn departing his role as Zende, my guess is Maya will ask Rick to open Universal Forrester on the moon with Zende as the lead designer of Forrester's new "Moon Me" bikini line.
Bill gets hauled out of his office in cuffs, Sally figures out where to go from there, and C.J. takes action on his charred parcel of land. As usual, Brooke's standing around with a furrowed brow, trying to figure out what the heck Bill has done this time and how she can be with him constantly and still not know what he's up to.
I hope you enjoyed the murderous fun at Bill's expense, and if you have a candidate with motive, means, and opportunity to kill Bill, leave it in the comments below. Until we scoop again, if you commit a crime, do not confess it to the Clark Kent wannabe of the fashion world! May your Labor Day weekend be bold and beautiful, baby!
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