Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you flip through the dark pages of your family photo album? Did you get a lift from more than a fork? Did you trade in your choker for a noose? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!
Whatza haps, Scoopers! We are well into B&B's 30th anniversary month, and the trio of flashbacks they're providing at the end of episodes lately make me wish we could have 'em all the time. Hard to believe we're up to 2010 already, but I hear tell we're only living in the past until March 14. Suckalicious! But not the end of the world. We still have the actual March 23 anniversary and Australia to lead up to. Let's Scoop about it!
News that Coco Spectra had been hired as Forrester Creations' latest intern did not sit well with co-CEOs Ridge and Steffy. Thomas defended the nuSpectras, reminding his sister they weren't born with silver spoons in their mouths. "Cheap spoons," Steffy spat. "Like cheap plastic." I have to say, I've come to like Steffy best when she's being a bitch. Gimme that over Lovelorn Steffy or Accident-Prone Steffy!
Ridge wasn't having anything Coco had to offer because of his history with the Spectras, "none of it good." I'd like to see Thorne's reaction to that statement! After all, it was his marrying Darla that united the Forresters and the Spectras, especially after Aly was born. Of course, Darla and Aly are both dead. We really need to do something about everyone in Thorne's life beefing it. What, is he 24's Jack Bauer?
Meanwhile, R.J.'s dormant Forrester mojo gene kicked in as he told Coco about the shop's infamous steam room then ran afoul of its most consistent occupant. Shrugging off Ridge's complaint that Sally had weaponized tiramisu to use against Steffy, R.J. noted that "Sally wound up facedown in that cake." For a video Steffy hated, she must have called a meeting to show it to everyone for R.J. to know about that incident.
Ridge pulled rank with R.J. and scoffed that Rick and Thomas had signed off on Coco's hiring. See, I told you that wasn't going to fly! (Rick and Thomas actually agreeing on something is another thing.) Ridge demonstrated that Forrester's biggest line is boots because he introduced one to Coco's keister, to which R.J. demonstrated his sad face. Here's R.J. He's sad. Sad face. Sad face R.J.
Not that he had time for boo-boo. Suddenly, a forklift came at him to provide a series of boo-boos! R.J. froze like a deer in the headlights, but not Coco, who turned into Wonder Woman so fast I didn't have time to check if she had a magic lasso. She used her superpower to push R.J. out of harm's way and into a pile of boxes. Yet somehow, Coco sustained a nasty cut on her head. That corrugated cardboard'll get ya every time.
Naturally, Ridge and Brooke softened after Coco stopped R.J. from getting run over by a reindeer like Grandma. Well, almost: Ridge still wanted Coco gone until R.J. got up in papa's face about how awesome Coco was for a Spectra. Ridge let Coco stay then cloistered himself with Brooke, perhaps to figure out why he said the forklift had lost control when it hadn't; R.J. clearly shouldn't have been standing in the middle of a busy dock.
R.J. is Thomas and Steffy's little brother, all right. Following in the footsteps of both, R.J. had a few sweet awkward moments with his savior before he skipped ahead several chapters and recorded a mashup of his and Coco's lips! What the hell! Do these people not believe in asking for dates first? Thomas macked on Sally just as quickly. This is a soap; can we ever just have some sweet buildup for a while instead of rushing right in?
And hey, why are Steffy and Liam getting married? Because Liam saved Steffy from drowning in a bathtub. Please tell me we are not in for five years of watching R.J. ping-pong between Coco and some unsuspecting girl. B&B needs to look up that old Heinz ketchup commercial on YouTube: "Anticipation..." I can't root for couples when they're thrown together so fast I can't develop feelings for them in tandem.
IT AIN'T LEAVE IT TO BEAVER
Yes, whatever fire Thomas and Sally started is down to some glowing embers, because now they only ever have phone calls. Like I said last week, though Coco is cool, the show lost something by focusing on her while Sally wrings her gloved hands over whether not to rip off the Forresters. However, the powers that be might have been listening. Out of nowhere, Sally decided to give Saul a little 4-1-1 about her background.
Apparently Sally and Coco's parents are carnival scam artists who dragged their girls around California, Nevada, and beyond, rigging card games and "that's not all they were dealing." One would presume we're talking drugs, since the girls had to be taken in by Grandma Shirley else they get "thrown into the system." That certainly does explain a few things; it was a little expositional, but I'm grateful for the blank-filling.
Too bad we didn't get the names of these penalized parents. Expounding on last column's look at the Spectra family tree, I have to guess that, for Coco and Sally to carry the Spectra name, their father (and Shirley's brother) has to carry it, too. And Spectra must be Shirley's maiden name. Maybe it's not necessary to know all these things this soon, but enquiring minds and all. Wonder if Sally's parents will surface?
And yes, I have to wonder, too: is Macy still alive? Mrs. Alexander Forrester Chambers Barelli Sharpe's lights were supposedly turned off by that chandelier, but Sally pulled the plug on her comatose daughter off-screen. And nuSally claims that Macy was "sweet to us." Macy died not long after Coco was born, or before, factoring in SORAS. If Macy survived, when could she have interacted with this different branch of the family?
DO YOU COPY?
"Once a knockoff shop, always a knockoff shop," Shirley crowed. Her Snively Whiplash shtick has gotten old already, after only two weeks of it. It's a Spectra legacy to steal from the Forresters -- and if they don't, Spectra will go under! Well, Bitchy Steffy had it right: "If [Sally] was more focused on designing than publicity stunts..." What happened to nuSally's moxie? One bad review, and she's ready to pack up her yellow/red combos!
Did y'all ever see Dynasty: The Reunion? The original writers came in and retconned characters to where they'd been while they were in charge, as if years of storylines never happened. Needless to say, fans hated it, and there was never another reunion. I feel like B&B is doing that to the Spectras. Yes, the Grand Diva herself filched from Forrester all the time, but eventually, she stopped. We're being told she didn't.
The show's own time capsule flashbacks dispute its contention! Why would Sally be giving Stephanie a haircut, even drunkenly, if they weren't hanging out? Would they have been hanging out if Sally was doing nothing but stealing from Forrester Creations? Come on. Last week, R.J. reminded us the families had made peace; this week, he wanted Ridge to retain Coco so the families could finally make peace.
If the new Spectra gang wants to take a page out of the first few volumes of Sally's playbook, go for it. But don't pretend all Sally did was plagiarize. It's like B&B is knocking off story by forcing nuSally into knockoffs. At least the caked crusader has had several attacks of conscience about sending Coco in to do their dirty work. I just wish we could quit going in circles about it.
A-SAUL AND BATTERIES
I also wish nuSaul had turned out to be gay. I mean, three decades of the Los Angeles fashion industry, and everybody involved is straight! Saul's jealousy of Thomas' attention to Sally could be because of Thomas, not Sally. Instead, we got Saul's slo-mo, wind-blown Sally fantasy and Saul busting a move based on the fact that his namesake had an unrequited crush on her namesake.
Now, that's true; Michael Fox's Saul did carry a longtime torch for Darlene Conley's Sally. But even if nuSaul could flash back to his grandpa's proposal that he wasn't there for, it was out of context. The senior Feinberg popped the question because he thought Sally was pregnant! (She wasn't; she was only pretending to be to get Taylor's father, Jack Hamilton, to marry her.) What would you call this reboot, anyway -- Saulally?
Although Shirley outed Saul for jonesing on Sally (again, too obvious; no buildup), Saul obediently completed the baker's assignment by baking up a tiny camera to plant on Coco so they could see inside Forrester Creations. Given how randy everyone is there, I hate to see what that GoPro will pick up with R.J. hinting about the steam room. Bridget got deflowered over the phone; Coco could become a woman in 1080p!
Clever cutter Saul is also a closet tech head (why not; Nicole was able to hack into Maya's bank account, a skill she never needed again). He got microscopic cameras into big chunky earrings and a matching necklace. Question: how can the camera see through these silver teardrop tripods? And won't their placement make the Forresters look as if they're on the bridge of the Enterprise, being attacked by Klingons?
Sally realized she had two choices: have Coco spy or "go home." Where is home, exactly? That's one question that still needs to be answered. Saul and Shirley were delighted to see their amazingly stable camera working: Darlita showed up on their monitor in living color. The single-monikered secretary preened and posed so much she looked like something out of those old late-night 976 commercials. "I'm Darlita. Call now!"
I'LL TRAIL YA IN AUSTRALIA
The excitement was mounting over Liam and Steffy's "destination wedding" Down Under. At a party Pam threw for them that felt out of place somehow, Steffy said it was a great way to celebrate with everyone who couldn't go. Maybe she just needs Saul's hidden cam earrings. Or has she heard of Skype? Facebook Live? The social media queen could easily make sure Rick and Nicole and the whole world witnessed the nups.
Thomas, on the other hand, was handed a free ticket but hedged on account of he's still pouting over little sis being co-CEO. Thomas, really, you're starting to whine as much as...well, dude, let's just say stay off Twitter. Thomas had to think about going to his sister's wedding. Hey, Liam and Steffy only get married every few years! You won't even have to learn how to ride a motorcycle this time!
Of course, Steam has nothing on Bridge -- if Brooke and Ridge exchange legal, uninterrupted vows, this will be their eighth marriage. Despite harping on his parents to remarry, R.J. decided he was okay with not traveling to Sydney for the wedding because he had midterms and stuff. When is this kid ever in school? Katie, on the other hand, agreed to come to Bridge's not-very-private elopement on Manly Beach.
"We have a lot of history between the three of us," Ridge told the Logan sisters. Yup. Maybe he'll get lucky and Katie won't fake a heart attack this time. Brooke just had to have her sister there; they've come a long way from a year ago, where #DrunkKatie took the mantle from #DrunkBrooke. But no luv for Donna? She seems only good enough for Katie to dump Will on! And I guess Papa Logan will be staying in Dallas.
I'm not sure why Katie has to be at this wedding. The poor girl's done nothing since smartly walking away from Bill but to involve herself in other people's relationships. We need some new story for her. I still say hunky Dr. Hayden needs to come back for some couch time. Okay, that's for me more than Katie. Carter's available. How about really going for the 30th and bringing back Katie's 1987 crush Rocco Carner? Team Krocco!
MAYBE SHE'S BORN WITH IT, MAYBE IT'S MAYBELLINE
Charlie Webber, security guard par excellence, can not only bake a mean cake but he also knows the difference between blotting and smearing. Lipstick, that is. Much as I can't believe he's still waving that napkin under Pam's nose, his kissing experiment with his main squeeze was actually quite brainy. The same can't be said for hanging around Quinn and Ivy and asking about what shade of lipstick Quinn uses.
Maybe Charlie should take a lesson from Saul and install a lipstick cam if he wants to catch Ridge and Quinn in the act. But the real mystery here is Pam. She still doesn't believe Quidge might be a thing. I can see her defending Ridge, but the former bear-siccer (see Friday's time capsule) should at least be thinking Quinn is trying to seduce Ridge for her own nefarious purposes. Pam, denial does not become you.
NO NOOSE IS GOOD NOOSE
Imagine you're Quinn Fuller. You have to once again explain kissing Ridge to the girl you once pushed off a bridge. Moments later, the security guard comes around asking about your cosmetics use. So what do you do? You make a beeline for Ridge's office with the avant garde necklace you felt heat over when he put it on you before and try to get him to remember what he said when he did.
I don't know about you, but I'm kind of done with Ridge and Quinn's flirting. I know; it's not the first time two people have vowed to stay away from each other but just can't help themselves. However, this feels out of character for Ridge. He started out as a cad but graduated from that to waffling between two women for two decades. Stepping out on Brooke really isn't his style. Quinn, I would think anything goes.
I don't want to see Eric or Brooke hurt; it would be something if our remaining original actors' alter egos ended up together. As for Quinn and Ridge, this can't go on forever; they're going to get snagged, especially with Ivy as a witness and Charlie on the case. And now we can add Katie to the list. Most of us have our smartphones superglued to our hands, but Katie left hers in Ridge's office and trekked to retrieve it.
Katie puts Saul to shame. She doesn't even need a camera to spy anymore, not since turning Bill's living room into a mini-studio trying to snag Brill. From outside Ridge's door, Katie watched Ridge getting excited over Quinn's big, firm...gemstones. Katie saw Quinn trembling over the way Ridge caressed that rock solid...diamond. Katie's been through this before, with Caroline. Miss Acne Survivor knows what time it is!
Modeling her truly gorgeous wedding dress, Brooke apparently picked up whatever denial virus Pam is suffering from. Hearing from Katie how unusually close Ridge and Quinn seemed, in proximity as well as intangibly, Brooke practiced for her wedding on the sand by sticking her head right into it. Hello, this is Brooke Logan we're talking about. If it's salacious, her radar picks up on it pronto!
Brooke was shocked Katie would even suggest there was something untoward happening between her destiny and her bitch-slapper! But La Logan should remember that she herself walked in on Ridge and Quinn in an awkward situation. Part of Brooke must have believed it, because her trademark single tear made an attempt to trickle out of her eyeball. Rut-ro! Is Bridge gonna collapse at the Sydney Harbour Bridge?
When and where do you think Ridge and Quinn will implode? What should the fallout be? Is Spectra redux working for you, or would you rather see them find their own direction? What do you want to see happen in Australia? Write your anniversary wishes in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!
"This show has gotten so boring...the whole 'Quinn/Ridge longing looks' [thing] makes me cringe." -- "Delores321"
"I especially like your comment about the slow-as-molasses pace of the Ridge/Quinn/Eric/Brooke story. I'm also not sure where the whole Ridge-loves-danger bit is coming from. He's been a playboy, and he's a Marone and not a Forrester by blood, but he's always been loved by his dad as if he's his son. Now...he calls himself a misfit, just like Quinn. Say what now? The favorite son of the Forrester family, who has never been denied anything in his life, who has always had women to pick from, feels like a misfit who also likes the danger. I'm not buying it at all." -- "StDanielle"
Nor am I. But now, let's train our candid cameras on some Points to Ponder!
Saul wanted to rig Coco's sunglasses with the sneaky-cam, since she wears them all the time. I haven't seen Coco in shades yet, and Saul just met her besides... Cute, Charlie and Pam briefly arguing about socks. This must mean that the bakers are living together... The brotherly love between Thomas and R.J. was genuinely heartwarming as they discussed Coco and Sally, but R.J.'s boast, "Bet I'm the first Forrester to kiss a Spectra?" Kid, you weren't even thought of when your uncle Thorne first kissed Macy back in 1989. And you saw in flashback this week that Eric kissed Sally in 1995!
nuSally attributed Coco being guarded and slow to trust to their unstable upbringing. That's hardly consistent with the bubbly, open Coco we've seen... "Why am I always walking in on you shirtless?" Steffy asked her bro. Yeah, why was Thomas running around the office half-naked?... "We're finally going to have a life together," Brooke beamed regarding Ridge. What would you call what you had during most of your seven previous marriages?
Why did Ridge talk to his fellow executives about security for Sydney instead of Charlie, who seems to be head of security? And why are Steffy and Ivy going to pose Down Under? Forrester can't afford to bring its actual models there?... "I'm certainly hoping he didn't get frostbite," Brooke snarked when Katie reported seeing Ridge touching Quinn. #burn... Katie wondered if Ridge was capable of settling down with one person. Katie, you've seen Brooke involved with Dave, Ridge, Grant Chambers, Deacon, Nick, Bill...shouldn't you put your oft-married sister under the same microscope?
Well, Scoopers, when next you and I Scoop, it will be about the show's much-anticipated 30th anniversary! Looks like diamonds are the proper gift, so I will attempt to compensate by making my words extra glittery. In the meantime, Chanel will be here to take you through March Madness. Thanks for reading, and come follow me on Twitter! Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity, or orientation, we're all beautiful.
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