Mama lions

by Mike

For the Week of January 28, 2013

Roar! Forget Leffy/Lope -- B&B's mamas stirred the pot this week. Katie looked ready to give Will a sibling. Newcomer Maya wanted her kid back yesterday. And Taylor bared her claws to everyone for the sake of her cubs! It's a mother of a column by Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you want your hubby intoxicated by you and not by 90 proof? Did you try to get a refund on your adoption without a receipt? Did you tell everyone to hear you roar? These and more situations faced the Forresters et al this week!

Is it May already? Because B&B was ready to break out the Mother's Day cards, even if it's still only January. At least that gave us something besides Leffy/Lope. You already know how I feel about the show tapping that empty well, so I won't belabor the point. But Steffy slinking off to Paris and telling Liam to explore things with Hope? Really? Steffy made some good points about wanting Liam free and clear, but the real Steffy would have marched into that bedroom and dragged Hope off of Liam, baby or no baby.

While we're on the subject of personality transplants, when did Hope become so aggressive? Does she seriously now have no problem macking on Liam in the same house he shares with Steffy? A year ago, even the thought of it would have made her barf. And Hope is wrong if she thinks she and Liam would still be together without Bill and Rick's interference. Liam ran to Steffy over and over of his own volition. He would have done that regardless of the circumstances. Hope has a serious case of tunnel vision.

And then there's Liam. Are we really to believe he was still conflicted about Hope all those months he was with Steffy? Because he seemed pretty committed to Steffy to me. It's just maddening how these two girls scrap over him like he's a front row ticket to a Justin Bieber concert. Talk about demeaning. It's not that Liam is malicious; he just has no conviction and goes with whoever's talking to him the sweetest in the moment. It's time for a classic whodunit with Liam as the corpse. Imagine the list of suspects!

When Brooke, Taylor, and the Spencer ladies called Bill on his manipulations in Italy, wasn't it agreed that, as parents, they were all too invested in their children's love lives? Maybe Taylor accidentally got hit in the head with Hope's golf club, because Taylor suddenly has no memory of that conversation and is insinuating herself into said love lives like never before. I get that she's in protective overdrive because Steffy is pregnant. But who knew our intrepid therapist would be the one to put Stephanie to smother-mother shame.

The thing is, Taylor really is trying to do the right thing by her daughter. But by keeping Steffy's pregnancy a secret, Taylor is just coming off like an overbearing busybody. I admit, telling Liam and Hope that they needed to sit down with Steffy and discuss things was the sagest advice Dr. Hayes has given in a long time. And I loved it when Liam stammered as usual, and Taylor barked, "Am I asking you too many questions?" Taylor at least knows what time it is with Liam.

But when it comes to time, Taylor's memory is very, very convenient. "You don't want to be like your mother, destroying relationships," she told Hope. (When a comment elicits a "whoa" from Liam, you know someone went too far.) Brooke did many things to interfere with Ridge and Taylor's marriage; it's true. But that union was destroyed first because Taylor was presumed dead, and then because Ridge found out she'd lied about devirginizing James a dozen years before. Blame Brooke for what she did, Taylor, and not for what she didn't.

I also can't believe Taylor is crying foul because Stephanie posthumously revoked Thomas' shares! Wasn't Taylor once the moral compass of the show? Then surely she'd be the first person to recognize that Thomas only obtained those shares because he lied about sleeping with Brooke, which ended Ridge's marriage and set Taylor up to be disappointed by him again. If Thomas had one shred of integrity, he would have insisted on giving those shares back to make up for it instead of letting Taylor talk him into keeping them. How Taylor even starts to think he's entitled to them is beyond me.

The scenes between Brooke and Taylor regarding Stephanie's death were really quite good. It was understandable that Taylor would be carrying hurt from not being there as Stephanie died, while Brooke was there. "She wanted us to get past the grudges," Brooke offered. "Her biggest regret was all the time that we wasted hating each other." Taylor seemed to get that. Until she went to Thomas and accused Stephanie of losing her mind and falling in love with Brooke, too!

The capper was Taylor barging in on Eric's visit with Donna and Pam. (Seriously? Are we going to have to watch them in yet another rivalry? Find Donna a man and send Pam back to Chicago, and let's move on already!) "You know what 'we're family' means?" Taylor fumed when Eric tried to explain choosing Rick as president over Thomas. "We bow to Brooke." The whole "choosing a president" thing was stupid -- Eric should have just resumed being CEO and been done with it -- but wow, does Taylor ever have a persecution complex! And an intense obsession with Brooke to boot.

"Stephanie was a lot more like Brooke than we knew," Taylor raged. Interesting point! It's probably why Stephanie hated Brooke so much, just like the way Brooke hated Amber. Didn't Stephanie basically trap Eric into marriage and then decry Brooke's similar actions? But Taylor yelling at Stephanie's portrait, suggesting she narcissistically got to die in her own arms? Dude! No wonder it fell off the wall. Didn't you love Taylor's resulting "oh crap" look, like she was afraid she'd just set off a scene out of Poltergeist?

No, Scoopers, I get the feeling that Taylor, like Rick and Thomas and Steffy before her, is about to take a trip to the Dark Side. And it would make sense. Taylor hasn't been right since her 2005 return. She came back with a huge chip on her shoulder, and she's been just this side of unstable ever since. Did Prince Omar traumatize Taylor at the palace? Did he clone her and keep the original? Whatever it is, let's go with it! Hunter Tylo would absolutely own taking Taylor into madness. And it would justify Taylor's un-Taylor-like behavior these past several years.

I also think Taylor is about to pull an if-you-can't-beat-'em-join-'em stunt and make a play for lonely Eric to secure Thomas and Steffy's place in the company. Hey, why not? Eric and Taylor did enjoy a brief flirtation in 1995, which Taylor put a stop to out of respect for Stephanie. With Taylor on an anti-Stephanie rampage right now, there's nothing stopping her from trying to out-trump Brooke for all time!

Taylor also had plenty to say about Brooke's involvement in Bill and Katie's marriage. Why did Brooke try to set up the sexiness? It didn't work, anyway, once Katie smelled Bill's boozy breath. Now, Bill has guzzled whiskey all along -- why is it only now a problem for Katie? And, if Brooke was so pro-Katie on this, why didn't she remove the alcohol from her mystery cabin so it wouldn't be a temptation for Bill?

B&B's intention, of course, was to make Brooke a temptation for Bill. At least Brooke did the right thing and ignored the sparks flying around the room. But a lot of Bill's rationalizations for drinking and Katie's later explanations for her sudden revulsion just sort of bounced right off my head. I think it's because there's something missing from it all. I can't quite place what. If you can, enlighten me.

Maybe we need to explore a full alcoholism story with Bill. True, he doesn't slur or lose control -- but there is such a thing as a functioning alcoholic. I say anything that gets to the heart of why Bill is the way he is can only be good, and it would provide much more drama than a mere will-he-have-sex-with-his-wife's-sister story. Points to B&B for Bill asking Katie if her father was an alcoholic. But did Katie really think she could walk out on Bill, then light some candles and expect him to still be in the mood?

The real wild card this week turned out to be Maya, whose "Where's my baby?" demand had to be up there with the best first lines for a character in soap history. Maya, of course, is played by Guiding Light alum Karla Mosley, and we're glad to have her. But she did rather come in with a single purpose and all exposition, didn't she! Even Maya admitted she hadn't let Dayzee get in a word, and already Maya looks like she might not be playing with a full deck. Would you reunite this woman with her child?

So, among everything else Dayzee did/does for the homeless, we can add "adoption agent" to the list. That's very enterprising of her, but I think B&B dropped the ball a bit. When Stephanie first encountered Dayzee, wasn't Dayzee caring for a baby that Stephanie thought she kidnapped? Tying that moment into this story could have grounded it more. What if that had been Maya's baby Dayzee was sheltering? Then a "Where's my baby?" introduction would have had more impact.

Not that we still didn't get a "flashback" out of it. Maya didn't look any different, but kudos to B&B for making Dayzee look exactly the way she did when we first saw her in 2010! Obviously, there was nothing sinister in Dayzee facilitating the adoption of Maya's baby, but we know what happens when desperate women on this show start making noise about losing babies, don't we? Can you say Morgan DeWitt? Sheila Carter? I think Maya's about to take Dayzee for a ride on the crazy train. I can't wait.

And it will be interesting to see how Marcus gets pulled into it. Plus, since Amber and baby Rosie were mentioned...well, my money says Maya will replace her baby with Marcus' and hopefully that'll pave the way for Amber to come out fightin'. And does Hope (how refreshing to see her in a different scenario!) have a point about Dayzee now being a Forrester? When Maya finds out, she'll probably have Dayzee buy her a record deal. Maybe Maya and Amber can cut a duet together when the dust settles!

Well, as Alanis Morrissette once sang, "enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute." Time for a peek into the Two Scoops mailbag, and don't forget that you can let us know your thoughts 24-7. E-mail us, or call the soapcentral.com Feedback Line at 267-341-7627. Your comments could end up in a future column, or be played during an installment of Soap Central Live, our all-soaps-all-the-time Internet radio show!

• "Mike, I like your 2013 version of the B&B much better. You should be the head writer of the show. I enjoy reading your columns also. Lots of common sense. Keep them coming..." -- Ginger

• "I liked all of your ideas for B&B if you were head writer with the exception of the part where Owen dies..." -- David

• "I am so over B&B to the point that I don't want to watch it anymore. As I was watching the show today, I said to myself, 'this show is so lame'. What's up with Brad Bell???? B&B was once a great soap but it sucks big time now..." -- Jan

• "The [writers] of this soap are doing just want they had planned and doing a good job. Look at how many people have [their] backs up over Steffy, Hope, Liam and Bill.. So many villains to choose from...wouldn't it be nice just this once if the good girl got the guy...so let's let hope have Liam. Steffy can go back to Bill. [Katie] gets the new guy and Brooke goes back to Ridge. And they all lived happy ever after." -- Tee

• "It is time that Brad Bell steps down from his position as headwriter at The Bold and the Beautiful and pass the reigns onto a new headwriter and creative team. The show has taken a direction that fans are not happy with, and for one reason or another, Brad Bell refuses to listen. The primary problems seem to be: the break-neck speed of storylines, repeating tired or unpopular storylines, lack of character development, characters being introduced and forgotten about, unpopular storylines that are continued when viewer feedback is highly negative. At the end of the day, the Bold and the Beautiful needs fresh ideas and new blood to take the helm of the show. If not, it will be joining As The World Turns, Another World, and Guiding Light. I have nothing against Brad Bell, but it's time for him to retire or for CBS to clean house at B&B." -- Abbey

• "Mike, after reading [your "If I Wrote B&B"] column, all I can say is: YOU ARE HIRED!" -- Rambo

A big thank you to everyone who wrote in and deemed me B&B's new head writer. Brad Bell, I've been saying it for three years -- let's talk salary. In the meantime, here's a plethora of Points to Ponder:

Funny how they always cover the telltale logos on laptops on this show... If Taylor really thought Steffy should tell Liam about the baby (and she should), why didn't Taylor cite her own example of trying to keep Thomas a secret from Ridge, which included going along with Thorne's scheme to hide it?... How insightful of Steffy to ask "Do you ever wonder if Dad would have gone to Brooke a lot sooner if it weren't for us kids?" Touché, Steffy...touché. Now, did Steffy just happen to find out she was pregnant before she left for Paris, or was her seduction of Liam the night before part of a plan to get pregnant?

What happened to the big mirror that was always above the Forrester fireplace? The famed living room doesn't look the same without it. And if Eric wanted to honor Stephanie by installing a portrait of her up there, why did he pick a photo with such an angry expression? Moreover, why didn't he have an elegant painting done of the photo instead?... "You burned take-out?" Pam asked Donna. Finally, Pam gets one of the best lines of the week, and without a mention of a lemon bar for a change...

How does Dayzee know that Maya's child is happy? Has she kept up with the adoptive parents? Apparently not, so she can't make such an assumption; the child could be miserable... When Maya left Dayzee's, she gave Dayzee her contact information and said she'd be back if Dayzee didn't call her. So why did Maya call Dayzee five minutes later? And how was Maya able to leave Dayzee four voice messages when Maya obviously didn't have Dayzee's cell phone number?... Would down-to-earth Marcus and Dayzee really nosh on caviar, and would Dayzee really "love being a Forrester"? She hated all the finery when Thomas tried to impress her with it!

"Maybe Stephanie wanted Rick in charge all along," Thomas griped. Hardly likely, considering the long-standing feud Stephanie had with Rick... Thomas went on to say he couldn't advance "with all these Logans in my way." Firstly, Rick is a Forrester, not a Logan. Secondly, since when is Thomas so anti-Logan? He championed Brooke to the point he alienated his mother and went on to propose to Hope! What's the matter, Thomas -- bitter because Brooke and Hope wouldn't fall for you?... "There are other fashion houses," Taylor told Thomas. There are?! On this show? Say it isn't so.

Allison is up again next week, which means I will be back with you February 11. Until then, the soap world is abuzz and agog with constant incoming news and details about the returns of All My Children and One Life to Live! Quite the reverse from two years ago, when we were reading about their cancellations. Take that, ABC and reality television! Bringing back beloved soaps via the Internet? Now that's really bold. And beautiful.

Victoria Rowell reveals new project

Kelly Sullivan/Tyler Perry drama to bow in Aug.

Michael E Knight on NYC vs. LA