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 Two Scoops: June 14, 2010 columns
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Katherine Kelly Lang
Meet Brooke, the accidental fornicator!
For the Week of June 14, 2010
Brooke has done it again. This is going to be a monkey wrench of gorilla proportions. There's no way to recover from being an accidental fornicator with your teenaged daughter's Zac Efron-wannabe boyfriend!
Well, the mystery is over, right? Brooke Logan has done it again. Oh yes, she didn't know she did it, but she did it. So much for that happy lady in love with her husband and content with her life… this is going to be a monkey wrench of gorilla proportions. There's no way to walk back from being an accidental fornicator with your teenaged daughter's Zac Efron-wannabe boyfriend!


For the Logan loathers out there -- I see you reading this now! -- this is just what you wanted and expected, didn't you? There was no way you were going to believe that Brooke was so in love with Ridge that she wouldn't make love to another man. I'm certain that some of you -- even now -- think that Brooke knew that it was Oliver lifting her leg and fondling her thighs, despite Brooke's Friday meltdown when she realized her sexual partner had not been the Ridgster! No, it was Oliver in Ridge's jacket.


Okay, it's time for a reality check. How on earth could Brooke mistake Oliver for Ridge? Brooke and Ridge have been lovers for over 20 years. They've boffed in every imaginable way -- with steam and without! Are we really supposed to think that Brooke didn't notice that Oliver's body didn't feel like Ridge's? What about Ridge's manhood/love-wand/schlong? Brooke didn't sense a difference? You would think she'd have some sense of familiarity if it were Ridge in her arms -- and between her legs -- right? That's a big problem for me. You can't be this dense. You can't know someone intimately for so many years and suddenly not recognize him when he's making love to you. For Brooke to have been fooled into thinking Ridge's jacket was Ridge himself, she should have been drunk or drugged!


So for the anti-Logan folks, this is your chance to stomp on Brooke's head. Even by accident, her indiscretion is unforgivable. She should have known better. She's not going to be able to make Ridge and Hope forgive her for this because it's just too gross. It definitely would have been worse if she had known what she was doing, but even as a complete mistake, it's just a sin that cannot be forgotten or waved away.


As for Oliver, well he has come off as a complete horn dog! Again, he should have known better. What made him think for one second that Hope would want her first time making love to be thrown against a wall, wearing masks and not kissing? Romance, Romeo! That's what Hope was waiting for! If Oliver really knew the girl he claims to love, he would have known that she wasn't in his arms when he was writhing to that music. The necklace should not have obscured the evidence to convince him that the lady with the womanly body and the shapely curves was not cute little Hope! And unless I'm crazy, I would imagine that Brooke reacted like an experienced lover as opposed to a virgin. Surely Oliver would have perceived the difference? Apparently not in the Brad Bell universe.


The mystery, as I said, seems to be solved. Oliver believes he inadvertently made love to Brooke. Brooke believes she -- accidentally -- made love to Oliver. Is it possible that Brad is throwing us a twist that we haven't seen coming? Hmm…I don't think so. We know for sure that Ridge didn't make love to anyone that night at the party. Therefore, even if we try to construct a scenario in which Steffy got Oliver to think she was Hope and he did it with her, who did Brooke do it with? Marcus? No. Rick. Hell, no! Some anonymous kid at the party? The implications are even worse if that's the case!


There was more Logan hatred engendered with Stephen's "romance" of Pam. Is Stephen out of his mind with grief over Beth's death? Yes. Did he suffer a brain injury when he was hit by a car in the Forrester parking lot? Maybe. Can we understand why he would want revenge on Stephanie for the horrible things she's done to his children? Yes. However, this storyline is just coming off as nasty and vicious. Pam is mentally challenged. It's like he's manipulating a demented child-woman, and no matter how it's done, it's unseemly. You don't take advantage of the mentally ill and the more and more you watch Pam, the more they're making her a handicapped woman. Without her medication, how much more bizarre will Pam's behavior become?


Someone wrote in about Stephen's plan to get Pam to shoot Stephanie, being reminiscent -- too reminiscent -- of Storm shooting Stephanie. Remember, Stephen was accused of the crime? There are so many other ways for Stephen to get Pam to do his homicidal work, why involve buying a gun from Mike? Why not have Pam cook some lemon bars with ground glass for Stephanie? Pam could kill Steph with a knitting needle through the heart. Are guns really the right way to go? Hell, Pam employed a snake to attack Donna, she doesn't need a pistol! Once she's off her medication, Stephen could have asked Pam how she wanted to kill her sister! Pam probably has a few ideas.


Stephanie is now mad as a hell and she did everything but threaten to kill Stephen Logan. She's right to be frightened for her sister. Stephen is using Pam. However, if you spin this forward a bit, here's what I think might happen. Stephen will fall in love with Pam for real. He'll be diagnosed with a brain injury and need surgery, and Pam will remain by his side. Once he recovers, he'll tell her that he really cares after all. Of course, Stephanie will continue to mistrust him and believe that he's out to destroy the Forrester family.


Finally, we spent a little time last week with Bridget and Owen swooning about their unborn baby. Haven't they figured out that you don't have intimate conversations -- including hugs -- in examination rooms? Sure, Nick didn't walk in -- but he could have! Why would they be so careless when they're trying to keep a secret of mega-proportions? Bridget is going to blow her marriage to smithereens before this is all over. Little surfer, indeed! Kowabunga, man, they are two dumb characters. And Jackie's not much wiser. She's practically throwing her husband at her daughter-in-law.


There were some great letters in the e-mailbox this week. You can read them below and feel free to write us with your thoughts at soapcentral.com

  • I find it funny everyone would raise their eyebrows at Brooke while Steffy is the biggest whore I have ever seen on that show. Taylor should shut her trap. Steffy is a tramp. That's her kid not Brooke's. So, very sick of Steffy. Glad my teen doesn't watch that show. -- Loren F.

  • Really? Brooke having sex with Oliver thinking it was Ridge? Seriously??? What about Oliver would remind her of Ridge? Does this mean Oliver will feel obligated to spill to Aggie so that Steffy can overhear and blackmail him and Brooke? Please make this some sort of hallucination or something; I know Oliver had a bit to drink, maybe a toke or two and just tripped out after seeing Brooke (without her mask). I'm so tired of the writers dragging Brooke thru the mud. It's like when they run out of ideas, they just have Brooke do something sleazy and ridiculous. I mean really, can't we just pretend this never happened? -- M.H.

  • I'm tired of watching Brooke and Ridge having sex... they are to old and act like teenagers. Come on, now, parents having sex while chaperoning a graduation? Acting like trash. And Brooke dancing? She looked like an idiot. Also Little D was already born when Brooke and Deacon had sex so how did Hope get to be older than he is? It seems all the people do is make-out at work and as far as Jackie, she is way to old to model and do all the sexy scenes. You are making her look like a fool... -- Lila


    Thanks for reading! Till next time, see you on the soaps!

    Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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