The biggest shock of the week was the latest Bold and Beautiful instant wedding. They are quite proficient at it, don't you think? It's amazing. Cost is no object. Everybody drops everything. Wedding fashions are zipped together out of whole cloth. Flowers are there, food, drink, chairs, a minister… Maybe instead of fashion, the Forresters should start a line of Weddings in a Box, like instant rice or microwave popcorn?
The ick factor was turned up to very, very high with the giddy romance of Whip and Taylor. Didn't she seem just a little over the top? One minute she's still hung up on Ridge, the next she's besotten with Whip. Whoa! Imagine instead if she had honestly told Stephanie or Steffy that Whip was good for her at this point in her life and just acted with a little moderation. The wedding showed her as just too damn "I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love" for me. It felt forced.
What is the deal with Donna and Eric? Has the sweetness gone from the honey-bear pair? Actually, as I wrote a few weeks back, the fact that Jennifer Gareis is pregnant is being disguised with furniture and only showing her in medium close ups, but Pam has needled her about gaining weight. Now, they're really playing it up and turning Donna into a binge eater! If this was an NBC soap -- and there's only one of those -- Donna would be signing up for The Biggest Loser.
But seriously, why don't they address the situation realistically and have Eric notice that Donna's put on a few pounds. Or would that beg the question that Stephanie is buying from the fuller-figure rack, too? Not that Susan Flannery doesn't pull off the Stephanie look with class, but she's not as svelte as she was when B&B began. Only Ronn Moss and John McCook are!
Of course, considering how emotional Donna is -- all those tears, the emotional eating -- maybe she should find out that she's pregnant with Eric's baby! Ha! Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants to Stephanie. She can't compete with Eric becoming a new daddy, could she? And unlike Ridge, the new baby could be an actual Forrester -- like the forgotten Forresters, Thorne and Felicia and Kristen and Bridget and Rick. Not one of them were at Taylor's wedding, but they are the real Forrester spawn. Ridge is a Marone, remember? Heir to the throne by reason of design, not blood.
Speaking of Ridge, what was he thinking at the wedding? Paging, Mr. Drama King! He had to turn all the attention to him in the midst of Taylor's nuptials. He ruined the wedding video! Oh right, the instant wedding didn't include video -- got to fix that before they market it! Anyway, couldn't the reference to Phoebe have been saved for a private moment with Taylor?
Anyway, you would think that Ridge would be all happy-happy-joy-joy now that he's in Katie's office. I mean, Eric's office. Oh, crap, whoever's office! Did it ever occur to someone to redecorate the place? It looks like an old English conservatory with all that wood paneling and pictures of horses. Geez, Katie should have painted it white and decorated with a bright pink leather chaise lounge! That would have shaken things up for the Forresters.
It's disturbing how they've parked Katie and Bill in neutral and shoved them off the show for a while. Why not write that they went away for a quick week in Paris to lick their wounds after the Spencer/Forrester debacle? I'd like to think that they were doing something other than working at Spencer and gnashing their teeth.
Oh, by the way, it's official. Steffy has been a victim of the invasion of the body snatchers. And I don't mean she has a killer bikini figure. I mean that she's not the same girl. She's a replacement and her pod is lying like a corpse somewhere in Bel Air, because his femme-bot alter personality is a grade A bitch on wheels. What she did to Hope after the wedding with the cake was malicious goofiness. Who does things like that? Especially since Hope is, essentially, like a sister to her. Do you know what my sisters would do to me if I pulled a prank like that?
Let's talk for a minute about living arrangements. Did you know that there are hundreds of thousands of hotel and motel rooms in Southern California? Did you know that Stephanie is a very, very wealthy woman? Did you know that Pam is living somewhere in a condo and probably has a guest room? Of course, Pam's guest room has been turned into a craft center with yarn and scrapbooking doo-dads, but still, it could be fixed up for Stephanie. Why would Eric's guesthouse be the only place she could land after Taylor and Whip's wedding? That's just a lame plot contrivance.
Sure, it saves on sets and production, but damn -- what about reality? Stephanie should have had her own home a long time ago! In fact, how come she doesn't have the mansion? How did Eric get the company and the house in the divorce? But if you had millions in the bank -- enough to plunk down $20-$50 million for a share of Forrester Creations -- you have enough to rent a gorgeous home to call your own. Somewhere that you can kick off your shoes and watch Bette Davis movies while curled up on the couch!
While I was curled up on the couch watching B&B, I checked out the mailbag. We got some goodies here at soapcentral.com…take a look:
• I have to agree with Allison on her views about Bold and Beautiful. However, calling Oliver "jughead" is an insult to Jughead. How about Moose instead? - Tonya
• In your last column, you said you didn't understand how the Owen/Bridget video would cause Brooke to leave Forrester. I just wanted to remind you that Steffy explained her intentions to Oliver. Steffy was going to confront Brooke with the video, believing that Brooke would leave the company instead of allowing Steffy to hurt Bridget's marriage. I also wanted to point out something I don't believe you mentioned. Marcus asked Steffy why she hates Hope and Steffy said it was because Hope is a Logan. Did Steffy and Marcus both forget that Marcus is also a Logan? - Dave
One last word, I would like to share something very serious and personal. I have cancer, and I've been fighting a reoccurrence for over two years now. Unlike a TV character, however, I live in the real world where health coverage is a constant struggle. I have created a cause called the "Nothing's Impossible" project. I would like to ask you now to please click over to simplystreisand.com/allison.html and read about it. If you can, I'd appreciate any help you can give me.