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 Two Scoops: March 30, 2009 columns
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Drew Tyler Bell
Calgon, take me away!
For the Week of March 30, 2009
In the absurd world of the Forrester clan, Thomas tried to off his stepbrother Rick for dating his sister Steffy, who is also Rick's stepsister. Of course, Rick is also Thomas and Steffy's uncle of sorts.
Some people get a massage or drink green tea when they are stressed. Some people go for a run, or meditate. Some take a nice sudsy warm bubble bath or drink a glass of red wine. Thomas, on the other hand blows up people's cars and lights their houses on fire when he "just can't take it anymore."

In the absurd world of the Forrester clan, Thomas tried to off his stepbrother Rick for dating his sister Steffy, who is also Rick's stepsister. Of course, Rick is also Thomas and Steffy's uncle of sorts, since Ridge and Rick are sort of half brothers, but not by blood. Rick's Mom Brooke used to be Steffy and Thomas's step mom, but if Rick and Steffy get married, her step mom will also be her mother-in-law and Rick's step dad and pseudo brother will also be his father-in-law. The next generation will be even more messed up. If Rick and Steffy have kids, Ridge will be their Grandpa and their Uncle, too! Do the words "in breeders" spring to mind?

You have to admit they are pretty forgiving. Pam tried to kill Eric with poisoned lemon bars, and then he hired her back as a receptionist at his company.(WHAT!?!?) And Rick is willing to forgive Thomas for two murder attempts against him as long as Ridge promises to paint his house, fix his car, and kiss his butt and let him date Steffy. (WHAT?!?!?)

It's insanity. But fear not, there is good news on the horizon. Don Diamont (formerly Brad Carlton on Y and R) is on his way to B&B with a new character who is hopefully completely unrelated to the Forresters or Logans. We could use some new blood in town, especially someone as delicious Mr. Diamont. Hey wait, that sounds like I am a vampire. I'm not. Really.

I like the flirtation between Jackie "Cougar" M and Owen, although I can imagine it boiling over into a twisted quadrangle. I can imagine a lot of things actually. Let's imagine for instance, that Owen is hot for Bridget, but sleeps with Jackie to get the job. After he is hired, there is obvious sexual tension in the office between Owen and Bridget. Owen explains he is only with Jackie for professional reasons, and he and Bridget steal a forbidden kiss.

Nick notices and gets jealous and dumps Katie. Nick goes back to Bridget. Owen sleeps with Katie to get revenge on Bridget and Nick. Jackie is furious when she discovers Owen only used her for a job and fires him. Owen and Katie start their own business making clothes for Nerf basketballs. Damn, I really ought to lay off the caffeine.

I like seeing Jackie get more air time. She vanished for awhile and I've missed her. That's part of the B&B charm; that "campy" factor. I miss Sally Spectra. Sally can't be replaced of course, but Jackie M has a lot of the same flair, chutzpah and conniving ways to make the town a bit more interesting. I really liked Jackie and Eric together, but alas, Donna got the Honey Bear prize.

I felt a little cheated when Taylor casually mentioned that Pam had been released from jail. They made such a big deal of showing Pam languishing in the slammer; her release could have been a great dramatic moment. They should have showed us her vindication and release. If I were Donna, I would be looking for a place to hide. After all, Donna did go to the jail to torment crazy Aunt Pam. I suspect Pam will remember that and be on the warpath with a new trained killer dog named Tiny Jr. or a honey licking bear at any moment.

Has anyone noticed what dismal failures the Forrester family is at keeping secrets? Taylor, Ridge, Thomas and Steffy made a sacred Big Bear vow that they would not tell anyone about Thomas' roll in the death threats against Rick. They made some secret pinkie swear pact that it would stay within their family and go no further. Big talk. Ridge got back to L.A. and made a beeline to tell his mommy, Stephanie. Stephanie of course was incensed because Pam was in prison while Thomas was free and having lattes and muffins with his Mom.

Next, Steffy rushed to see Rick, probably disrobing along the way to save time. After a few minutes of rolling around naked on the sofa with Rick, Steffy blurted out that she knew who tried to kill him and that it wasn't Aunt Pam. She didn't actually say a name, but she got so defensive when Rick called her brother Thomas "creepy" that it aroused Rick's suspicions.

After that Ridge went home and told Brooke about Thomas, too. Brooke was shocked and mortified, but eventually promised that she would keep the secret, too. Of course, if she keeps the secret as well as Ridge did, she has probably told a dozen people by now.

And at the risk of his own life, Thomas himself couldn't even keep the secret, he basically confessed to Rick while the two of them bickered. The only person in their family who didn't blab to anyone was Taylor. That's probably a skill she learned when she used to be a respectable shrink and had to keep doctor/patient confidentiality.

Bottom line; never tell a secret to Ridge, Steffy, or Thomas.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Pam bake a batch of lemon bars for Donna? Will Owen replace Clarke as Jackie M's boy toy? Will we ever find out why the writers decided to turn Katie into a villain instead of a victim? Will Stephanie congratulate Thomas on his attempted murder spree and show him where she keeps her tiny gun for the next time he gets a murderous impulse? Will Brooke put on some makeup and comb her hair now that Ridge is home from Big Bear?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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