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 Two Scoops: March 16, 2009 columns
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Drew Tyler Bell
There's something happening here...
For the Week of March 16, 2009
Someone is trying to kill Rick. All evidence led to Pam, but the increasingly creepy Thomas is looking like a serious contender.
"What it is ain't exactly clear"…to quote the old song. But hey! B&B has a plot again. Can I get an Amen?

Someone is trying to kill Rick. All evidence led to Pam, but the increasingly creepy Thomas is looking like a serious contender. Dear readers, it looks as if we have ourselves a good old fashioned mystery!

Pam is languishing behind bars while the real wanna be killer is still roaming the streets of L.A. Most likely the culprit is up in Big Bear making snow angels between murder attempts.

Finally something is moving forward in Forrester-land. After weeks of endlessly repeated conversations the writers have broken out of their skipped record and the music is playing again. The list of possible suspects are all juicy - the scorned lover, Marcus, the "stumbled into a cake job and then got fired" Owen, the just plain crazy Aunt Pam, grieving dad Ridge, control freak Stephanie, and my bet, the "suddenly back in town for no apparent reason" Thomas. But as we explore each option, there is storyline there, something to follow, someone to root for and root against. It engages us and makes us think, and get ready for it, key word - it ENTERTAINS us.

I am sure there are viewers who live just to see Brooke and Donna parade around in their skivvies every day, but I am a storyline-ho. I want a plot to follow, to know what happens next, and to care what is around the corner. I do now. I am excited to see Monday's episode instead of dreading it.

Add to that the recently announced cast addition of Don Diamont and it appears there is life on the horizon. I am quick to criticize a show when they get lazy, but I want to be equally passionate when they get it right.

Of course, I was able to find things to mock along the way - like the yarn that leaves giant clumps of fuzz whenever you touch it. If someone wore a bikini that unraveled that easily, they would be naked in the ocean after the first big wave. And let's not forget the giant plastic tub of evidence in Pam's office closet stacked with towels soaked in car grease and lighter fluid. That was ridiculously funny. Even a total nut job like Pam would hide the evidence better than that.

Also, I know it sound sick, but I don't WANT it to be Pam. I kind of like the crazy gal and don't want to lose her. Whereas I could care less about Thomas, if he goes to prison for 10 years and comes back as a grisly gang member, I am fine with that. I think Taylor is going to know it is Thomas and not tell anyone. Then when Stephanie finds out Taylor let Pam take the rap for Thomas, they will be Un-BFF's again. But don't lie money down on that in Vegas, I am merely guessing.

Allie Mills is a gem. I remember watching her as the mom on The Wonder Years and she was so sweet and genuine. And on B&B, she is an absolute nut job played with just as much conviction. The scenes with Stephanie in the jail this week were very powerful. Even though I know Pam is a nut case who is most definitely capable of trying to kill someone, I still believed her when she proclaimed her innocence. Even though she smeared Donna with honey and let a bear in to eat her and fed Eric poisoned lemon bars, her powerful performance convinced Stephanie (and me and maybe some of you) that she was telling the truth. I love the messed up relationship between Stephanie and Pam. It could only be better if Betty White came back as their mom.

An old character returned this week, and frankly, I had never seen him before. He was on B&B back in 1989 and I hadn't started watching yet. According to my internet research Rocco Carner was smitten with Donna, but she convinced him to pretend his was hot for Katie. Apparently Katie had bad acne at the time and couldn't get a date, so to score points with Donna, Rocco pretended to like Katie. Katie found a ring in Rocco's pocket, thought it was for her. It wasn't. He confessed the ring was for Donna and he only dated her as a favor to her sister. Then he was never heard from again, until 20 years later, this week. If I got any of that wrong and you seasoned B&B viewers want to correct the details, let me know. I would take on anyone in a General Hospital trivia battle as I have watched that show for over 30 years. But I would probably get hammered in a B&B trivia showdown.

Rocco is back and appears to have a grudge of some sort against Rick. He has a secret scheme he is working on with Thorne. That can't be good. My only hope is that now that Katie no longer has zits, Rocco will decide he really does like her and woo her away from Nick. It seems the only thing Nick and Katie have in common is an unhealthy love for Nerf basketball.

When I was watching Brooke reminisce about her beach wedding this week, I realized we had never scene loose ends being wrapped up. Remember that they had their own private vow ceremony on the beach and were going to get right down to the courthouse and make it legal? I would just like to point out that has not happened to the best of my knowledge. So, when Ridge and Taylor accidentally do it while they are holding their daughter hostage in Big Bear, it won't officially be cheating since he and Brooke aren't legally wed. Okay, that's just a random guess.

Isn't it funny that their secret hiding place for Steffy is the cabin in Big Bear? Isn't that one of the first places Rick would go to find her? He was just there with her a couple of weeks ago. So was Marcus. They should sell that cabin, I think it's cursed. Maybe they will get snowed in and Stephanie's friend the bear will come and eat Taylor's lips as an appetizer and then munch on Thomas' eyebrows.

It also amused me when they offered Steffy some hot cocoa after kidnapping her. "Yes, we just committed a crime and dragged you away against your will, but I bet some miniature marshmallows floating in a cup of steamy Swiss Miss will make you forget al about that!"

Thank goodness they didn't pack steak; I would have hated to hear another pornographic steak conversation like the one between Steffy and Rick with lines like this:

Rick: Mm-hmm. Well, it's the best meat in the world. You think you can handle it raw?

Steffy: Any way you want to serve it.

Eww. That was a seriously disgusting conversation. With that in mind I should be happy that Ridge and Taylor broke in and dragged them apart before they started talking sexy about their side dishes. Thomas punched Rick and shut him up, but in all seriousness, I would love to see Rick pound the crap out of that sniveling Thomas.

And I have one small bone to pick with the head honchos at B&B. If the writers are not going to use Jack Wagner, if Nick Marone is going to be relegated to the background, then release him from his contract. He could go back to Port Charles and step into Frisco Jones clothes and give Maxie the back up she desperately needs to find Spinelli. Oh wait, I just gave myself away. I watch multiple soap operas!

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Pam crochet some keys to bust her out of the slammer? Will Marcus realize L.A. is a big city and there are other cute girls to make out with in beach cabanas? Will Thorne ever get over himself? Will anyone ever notice that Hope, R.J., Allie, Jack and Dominic are missing and should be pictured on milk cartons? Will Stephanie ever come out and admit she likes seeing nearly naked Logan girls instead of finding excuses to sneak up on them in the sauna and in their bedrooms? Will Taylor prescribe herself something to chill out?

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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