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 Two Scoops: March 9, 2009 columns
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Jacqueline MacInnes Wood
Ridge Forrester, ye olde father
For the Week of March 9, 2009
Here's an idea for Sir Ridge, the protector of Steffy's besoiled former maidenhood: get Aunt Pammy to crochet a chain-mail chastity belt for Steffy.
Oh Ridge, Ridge, Ridge…did you know he invented the line, "Do as I say, not as I do." I think it's true, because this past week he was positively Victorian at just the thought of his 20-year-old daughter having sex - yes, sex! - with Rick. Intimacies, fornication, the deed - oy vey! Ridge's little girl befouled by the likes of Brooke and Eric's son? Not him! Not little Ricky? Say it isn't so!


Well, duh! Who do you think she learned morality from, Ridge? Steffy's seen you bed-hopping her entire life - Brooke, Taylor, Ashley, Taylor, Brooke (have I missed anyone this past few months?) - why on earth would Steffy not think that multiple partners is the way to go? And what about Mommy? Taylor, the pure, the good, the neurotic psychiatrist without peer, has hardly been chaste. Steffy's seen her with Nick and Ridge and Rick in just the last year. Good role-modeling there, Ridge and Taylor. You show those kids how to conduct yourself in a relationship!


Seriously, didn't you think this past week was like we had flashed back in time? I thought it was the 1950's with "Father Knows Best." Or maybe it was like we had been transported to a Quaker community in Pennsylvania Dutch country where sexual relations are forbidden until marriage? Ridge and Taylor and Brooke discussed the news that Steffy and Rick had made love as if it were the most horrific thing imaginable. "No, he didn't! Not to my little girl?" What, like Steffy was a virgin? Are we sure about that? I seem to recall a year ago when she was talking with Rick (of all people) about going all the way with Marcus. I don't remember at that time that anyone was having a conniption fit over the thought of a grown woman having sex with her boyfriend. Clearly, things have changed.


Of course, the key element here is Rick - or as Stephanie likes to call him, "that piss ant." Nice. Or maybe the Little Ricky nickname will stick? You know, Rick and Ridge have done this particular dance before. Remember in Sydney, Australia? Rick and Phoebe were so in love and on the brink of making love and Ridge was beside himself and Brooke was trying to be the peacemaker? That incident resulted in Ridge beating up Rick and leaving him with a bloodied head on the floor of a hotel room. Brooke declared then that she couldn't stay with Ridge because of his attitude about Rick. …See, we have lived all this before.


So here's an idea for Sir Ridge, the protector of Steffy's besoiled former maidenhood: get Aunt Pammy to crochet a chain-mail chastity belt for Steffy. Perhaps that could be a new line of Forrester Creations - the virginity line! Another products could be a codpiece for Rick to keep his little Ricky under lock and key? Of course, Ridge might want to take a more permanent course of action and just send Rick to the "Ye Olde Castrator." Ridge would probably like to wield that ax all by himself.


Would castration be any worse than these really, really obvious attempts on Rick's life? Have you noticed how quickly Rick has become the object of everyone's hatred? The storyline has sure moved fast. Owen wants him dead because he was fired. Well, really Owen, what did you think would happen when the surf line failed, especially in this economy? Thorne is jealous because he wants Rick's job. But shouldn't Thorne's anger be directed at Eric and Brooke? They've kept Rick in power. Rick firing Pam was also hardly a shock, but I would suggest that Rick take a class in business relations. He could have offered Pam a severance package, maybe a reassignment to the mailroom?


My favorite disgruntled employee is Marcus. Did you hear him this week? "That son of a bitch Rick sent me to Paris to get at Steffy." Hmmm, Marcus, he sent you to Paris! He didn't dump you in Paris, Texas. He gave you a cushy spot in Paris, France. I don't think that makes you Bob Crachit to his Ebenezer Scrooge. In fact, if soapcentral.com wants to send me to Paris, I'll take it in my stride and do my job. (Then kiss Dan's feet in gratitude!!)


I'm not ignoring the attempts on Rick's life. The fire was dumb, but not as ridiculous as Stephanie and Ridge telling Lt. Baker that Rick probably set the fire himself. I would have loved it if Lt. Baker laugh in their faces. They were talking out of their butts, without a shred of circumstantial evidence, just their prejudice. Or maybe Lt. Baker should have reminded these two paragons of justice and virtue that they were responsible for Shane McGrath's body being dumped in Santa Monica Bay, covering up that crime and letting an innocent man - Nick - be jailed for a few weeks until they 'fessed up. Yes, if I was Lt. Baker, I'd really listen to Ridge and Stephanie! By the way, has Brooke even told Lt. Baker about Ridge's midnight ride and smelling like gasoline and smoke when he came home?


I thought I'd fall off my chair when Rick invited Ridge to meet him at the Sky Lounge. Hasn't this man developed acrophobia yet? I have. Stay off the roof! But then we had that whole stilted set-up involving Rick's car. It was like a connect-the-dots picture. Ridge watches car. Steffy finds Rick. Brooke finds Ridge. Rick says goodbye to Steffy. Brooke looks at Ridge looking at car. Steffy watches Rick go to car alone. Everyone watches as car explodes. Gee, I didn't see that coming!


Well, I don't think Monday will find Rick in a million tiny little pieces. I'm sure he avoided the explosion somehow, which will lead to another week of "who's trying to kill Rick?" Are we going to find that Marcus knows about explosives? Does Thorne have the skill to rig a car to blow up? Pam? Owen? Jake (the red herring)? I guess we'll all tune in and see for ourselves. Also, has anyone seen Thomas since he threatened to kill Rick if he hurts Steffy?


Well, in the meantime, check out SoapCentral.com's daily blog by your's truly - Lathered Up. I vent daily on everything going on in soaps, the good, the bad and sometimes the bold and the beautiful, too!


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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