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 Two Scoops: January 5, 2009 columns
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Kyle Lowder
These boots are made for walkin'
For the Week of January 5, 2009
Steffy and Rick need a session with a shrink...oh, wait. The only shrink in town is Taylor, and she's already had sex with Rick, so there is a conflict of interest.
I live in Southern California and every time I go to the beach in my swimsuit, I keep feeling as if something is missing. What is it…Hmmm. I know! Ugg Boots and an Ear Flap Cable Hat! That goes perfectly with swimwear! Okay, that's a lie. Those things do not go well together, but at the Forrester Surf Line fashion show, that was indeed the look they presented.


To add to the festivities, Eric chose a hand crocheted yarn bikini to be his showstopper which proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that he is still mentally incapacitated from his coma.


Eric left Stephanie this week for the 437th time since I started watching this show. Alright, that is a slight exaggeration, but just barely. I don't understand that really. I know of a couple right now that has been married nearly 60 years, and suddenly, at age 80, have decided they can't bear one another anymore and are divorcing. After they have raised kids, shared the joy of grandkids and great grandkids, ran a business together and shared decades of life side by side, they are in their old age and shaky health divvying up their home and belongings. What the…?


Eric says Donna makes him happy. That may well be true. My dog makes me happy too, but I am certainly not going to marry him. The writers have never presented Donna as a genuine character - she has been sex kitten and victim, but when she's not calling Eric "Honeybear" what on Earth do they talk about? Hey Donna, remember back in the 70's when Nixon resigned?" "No, but I think I read about it in college between beer bong parties, honeybear."


Of course that is nothing compared to the pillow talk I can imagine between Steffy and Rick. "Oh Rick, I want you so much, let's talk abut my dead sister again, it's such a turn on for me. The only place I feel safe is in the arms of the guy who drove my sister over a cliff." Please. Steffy went from despising Rick prior to the accident to obsessively lusting after him since he crashed the car where her sister died. I think they need a session with a shrink, but oh wait, the only shrink in town is Taylor and she's already had sex with Rick, so there is a conflict of interest.


What happened to Steffy's big scary love with Marcus? He spent a couple of weeks in Paris and she's forgotten all about him? I bet they will have Marcus hook up with Grace, the model that's a dead ringer for his Mom, Donna. That is just how incestuously sick those crazy B&B writers truly are.


But sometimes they are funny crazy, so I have to give them credit for having Crazy Aunt Pam appear with a giant crochet hook in hand rambling on about crocheting yarmulkes for her Jewish doctors. Alley Mills is hilarious as the always off kilter Pam. There is something seriously wrong with me because I love a good insane villain. Sheila Carter from the Young and the Restless, or Helena Cassadine on General Hospital, all those delicious folks who teeter on the edge of sanity are so much fun to watch. I am happy Pam is out and about in L.A. again. She seems somewhat in control of her faculties at present, but I predict she will have a relapse somewhere around sweeps week. Just a hunch.


As to the overall storyline about Phoebe's death and Rick's part in it, I feel a certain kinship to Rick's character. A few of you have written me to say you don't think it's realistic that Ridge forgave Rick. I have to humbly disagree.


When I was a teenager, I was in a horrible car accident, I was behind the wheel and one of my friends was killed. So when this storyline aired, I got more than a little weepy. Like Rick, I was blessed with very generous family members who made a point of making a beeline to me to tell me that they didn't blame me, and assured me that it wasn't my fault.


Without that act of kindness, I doubt I could have lived my life. That simple act of a mother who had lost her child holding me in her arms and telling me she didn't blame me, the grace that she offered me freed me to move forward. So yes, I think it's possible, I think it's realistic. I think if people look at a circumstance and see that there was no ill intent, they can fight their desire to find someone to blame and generously offer salvation to someone.


Ridge did that for Brooke. He loved her enough to release his anger and pain and free her son. When we last saw the happy couple, they were standing atop a cliff overlooking Malibu where some aliens had left crop circles in the sand with Brooke and Ridge's names engraved. Okay, it wasn't really aliens, but I just hope they say their vows before high tide. Otherwise, there will be no giant hearts with names inside, just piles of seaweed.


Eric informed his adult children who are way too worried about their Dad's love life that he intended to go back to Donna. I certainly hope the writers find something for Thorne and Felicia to do this year instead of trying to break up their Dad's marriage to Donna. I think Felicia had some chemistry with Owen. Since Eric is back with Donna, why not let Owen date Felicia? Perhaps Donna will get jealous when she sees hunky young Owen with another woman and leave Eric. Stephanie said she was done with Eric for good, but I bet if Eric goes crawling back after Donna tires of him, she would take him back at least one more time.


When I watched the New Year's Eve episode of B&B, it inspired me. I went to my closet and got myself all dolled up in evening wear even though my husband and I stayed in. So, I have to hand it to Eric and Donna, their romantic dinner inspired me to start the year off in an evening gown instead of jeans. Maybe that's good luck in Soap Logic. Let's hope so at least.


What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will Aunt Pam crochet a wedding gown for Katie? Will Steffy admit to Marcus that she had her tongue down Rick's throat? Will Ridge and Brooke actually get to (legally) say their vows before another family tragedy strikes? Will Eric ever hire anyone that actually studied fashion and has a degree instead of people in his weird incestuous family? Will the Forrester fashion show start a new trend of people wearing scarves and mittens to the beach?


Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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