It's me, your favorite SoapCentral columnist, to give you my annual Christmas 'wish list' and some suggestions for lumps of coal this holiday season. I am trying hard to be enveloped in the festive holiday spirit but boy, does the Little Bell make that hard! Well, grab an eggnog, pull up a chair and hang on...
My first wish is for you to help Brooke get some direction in the coming year. She spent much of 2005 at loose ends, so to speak, and I think I speak for many when I say she needs a healthy relationship and renewed focus on all of her children that are NOT named Bridget. Now Santa, I do want you to give her credit for one BIG step she took in the right direction...kicking Ridge to the curb. She made it clear she did not need to be second best to the newly resurrected Taylor and that she could live her life just fine without him. She is in love with her now son-in-law and though she cannot stop thinking about him, she thinks she did the right thing by helping to force him into 'doing the right thing'. Hypnosis, lobotomy, anything you could do to help her move on would be good. Unless Nick the Martyr has something dramatic happen to make him come back to her, this storyline will do little more than drag her through the mud some more. Hasn't she had enough coal in her stocking to last a lifetime?? Oh yeah...please put some birth control in hers and ALL the stockings of the women of B&B...I'm tired of seeing so many unplanned pregnancies.
My next wish is that Felicia NOT die as rumored this Spring. I like her character and she is a breath of fresh air in this stale cast. The overload of Forrester testosterone is so boring these days and I really think she could help liven things up. After all, the only man every seen in Europe, Dante, has his calendar clear now. Why not let Felicia hook up with him. After all, he is too pretty to just be sitting around moping over Bridget. Don't let him sit around shirtless for nothing!
Another wish would be that Stephanie find some way to keep that awful excuse for a man out of her house AND her company. Eric is worthless as a husband and as a father and it was nice to hear Stephanie call him on that. She needs a new direction in her life as much as Brooke does and while I love to see these two fight, wouldn't it be nice for them to be so busy with exciting new paths in life that they WON'T have time to gouge each other's eyes out? Santa, just let Stephanie get busy with Massimo. We all know they used to have a thing for each other and they are really better suited for each other. They both can sit around and try to out 'meddle' each other and drive their kids crazy. So dust Mojo off and let him have some fun!
I also wish there was a way to keep Leslie Ann Down on the show. When I heard she cleaned out her dressing room, I couldn't believe it! Santa, this show is already too light on females as it is and now we are losing one that is accomplished and popular? She was a great foil for Stephanie AND she was willing to hook up with the over-aged horny CEO of Forrester! Why let her go? Axe someone else and let her get paid what she's worth. There is plenty of dead weight on this show. After all, Santa, if a soap is asking for people to take pay-cuts to stay, wouldn't that be indicative of a loss in advertising revenue and wouldn't that be from declining interest in the show? Ok, so write better and keep your good actors. Simple, right? Help me out here Big Guy!
Another Christmas wish would be for Nick to get his pebbles back sometime REAL soon. He has been emasculated over this past year and it makes me very sad. He used to be a very cool character but now he is little more than a whiny little girl's lapdog. Please Santa, bring our sexy and manly sea captain back! Let him grow his beard, drink beer at Chuck's, and tell the selfish little child bride to shut her yap! ARRGGHHHH!!! Where's my eye patch and sword?????
Ok, here is my last wish for Christmas, Santa. I wish Ridge would never come back, for Taylor to dump him and hit it with Hector before he gets the axe, and for Thorne to wake up and see Stephanie is only using him to keep the President's seat warm for #1 son. Now that's not asking too much, is it?
Now for my list of people that should get a lump of coal from you Santa...first would be Ridge (see above). He's rude, assuming, and just not a very nice person to watch these days. Next lump of coal to Bridget for her hateful behavior last week with Nick and Felicia last week. What was all that whiny, self-serving NONSENSE she was going on with??? "Why can't anything just be MINE????' Blah blah blah!!! Save it for someone who cares!!!! Is she serious, Santa? Ok, no lump...make it a BOULDER!!!! As a matter of fact, I will drive the dump truck to the Malibu Beach House myself to drop it right on her over bleached head!
I know that last sentiment wasn't very representative of the Christmas spirit of forgiveness and charity but I just can't ignore such blatant rudeness. Overall, I know I have been rather critical of the show all year but in my defense Santa, there has been so much to complain about and I think it all goes back to the folks I think should get the biggest piece of coal ever in the history of Christmas...the B&B writers. The fans are frustrated, I'm frustrated, and I know this show is not what is should be compared to the other on the same network. Stories with constant loose ends, characters that change personality traits like people change underwear, and a clear obsession with the vilification of Brooke Logan. It's all Brooke all the time and rarely anything positive. Nothing but sick 'triangles' including Forrester and whatever family member the writers feel like pairing her with. Nick would have been the one decent man for her to be with but it seems that even that pairing has been poisoned beyond repair. Writing corps, better find a new office...one that is big enough for the glacier of coal you all have coming your way. Santa, they all better be on your 'Naughty' list because I know they are on mine!
Well Santa, it's been a great year and I look forward to seeing you next Saturday night! Give the 'Mrs.' a shout for me and scratch Donner on the head. I promise I will be a good girl all year and a better and more warped columnist than ever!
PS---To the Scoops faithful....next week I will be posting my column on Monday morning so I can concentrate of spending Christmas night with my family. I will be recapping the best and worst of 2005 in detail and the following week (New Years) I will focus on some of the things I think we will see in the upcoming year. Thanks to all of you that emailed last week on your thoughts for best and worst stories of 2005...you all reminded me of a few things I had forgotten.
A special note of all of my readers throughout the world and here in the US...have a happy and safe holiday and all the best for the New Year. All of you are the reason I do the column week in and week out...there are no better readers anywhere on this website!