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 Two Scoops: October 17, 2005 columns
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John McCook
One flew over the cuckoo's nest
For the Week of October 17, 2005
Eric has been sniffing around Brooke like a dog in heat for so many years that his motivations shouldn't be that surprising anymore.
I have finally seen it. I have seen the impossible...the outrageous...I have looked into the abyss and witnessed the most inane and ridiculous soap storytelling of my entire life. I rubbed my eyes thinking I was seeing things. I splashed cold water on my face to snap myself out of the nightmare I was convinced I was living in. I even pinched myself but to no avail. It's true...B&B HAS jumped the shark, as they say.

I thought I had seen everything from Brad and his Merry Band of Amateurs. There have been man-squeezing killer snakes, evil twins, and more back-from-the-dead characters than you could shake a stick at. I 'gut' through it all in the name of show loyalty and the truest campy form of entertainment on TV. But this time things have gone too far. Jumping the shark, for those who have not heard the saying, is the moment when a TV show finally deviates SO far from its original form that it becomes a cartoon of itself. It become laughable, a joke. Usually a particular story or action within it does this as was the case for those old enough to remember 'Happy Days'. It was cool...until they had Fonzie do something WAY out of character and water-ski jump over a shark. Ratings tanked and the show never truly recovered.

Now, will B&B 'tank' over this crazy triangle and it's alleged resolution we saw on Friday? No. It will still be there but I have to wonder just how many people are likely to abandon ship while pushing another button on the remote. I question my own sanity as I ask myself the same question. How can I find this even remotely entertaining anymore? I HATE this story and I HATE was I saw at the close of Friday's show. I just can't believe it. I actually saw Brooke and Eric standing there with wedding rings on their fingers and a glassy half-crazy look in their eyes. Oh Lord, someone kill me now...

Apparently, all of us including Malibu Barbie, are supposed to believe that Brooke and Eric got back together to 'heal' the family and give her all the reassurance in the world that there are no threats to her marriage to Nick. Ok and I think I start my job as POPE next week!!!!!!!! Come on...do we viewers all have a collective 'STUPID' tattooed on our foreheads? Are we really supposed to buy into this? I can tell you Bridget won't . Why would she? She left Nick knowing that he is in love with her mother and vice versa. So why would Brooke's being married to the Mr. Sleazy Geez be ANY consolation at all? Neither one of them has ever been faithful in any marriage they have ever been in including their OWN marriage years ago, so what's different now? Brooke married Eric before when she was in love with Ridge...nothing new here. But then again, Eric has been sniffing around Brooke like a dog in heat for so many years, his motivations should not really surprise me.

Brooke actually LOOKED nuts at the end of Friday's show. Almost a, dare I say, Stepford quality to her. She must be really believing her own nuttiness lately. She thinks that marrying Bridget's father will suddenly make their 'little girl' better again. I have a news flash for you, honey...she's NOT a little girl and the damage has already been done. No going back now. Brooke looks like a complete fool for entering a sham marriage to do little more than mask her own desires. What message does that send any kid? I pegged her, and the writers had written her, as smarter than that. And let's face it...a wedding ring will not make her love for Nick go away and neither will shacking up with the Jellyfish.

And while I am busy barbequing characters here, I have to say that Bridget has reached a whole new level of hypocrisy during her weeklong tirade. How convenient it has been to NEVER mention her dalliance with Ridge (the kisses, the profession of love on his wedding day to Brooke) or her tongue-hockey sessions with Dante. A few things that make you go HMMMMMMM. I found myself a tad more sickened with her character by the end of the week. I am not sure at what point I ceased to be a Bridget follower...Hell, it was probably back when the actress switch happened. I bristle when she enters the frame now. How many more 'deer in the headlights' looks to we really have to suffer through? I know that she has every right to be furious that no one told her the truth...I get that. I just think she should have known better than to be in a relationship with someone that loved her mother. Is she some sort of glutton for punishment or what? I did, however, smile a little when I realized she was finally GETTING it. She did the right thing ultimately as no woman should ever have to be married to someone that loves another. That was a very positive thing that came out of a very idiotic week's worth of shows.

Kudos to the actors involved, though, as I thought they all did a good job with the schizophrenic script they were given. That Stephanie is a hoot! She makes it look effortless and her performance brings KKL right up to that same level every time. In my perfect world, both actresses would accept a joint Emmy for Lead Actress.

Poor Jackie. I was really beginning to enjoy watching her gloat and prepare for being the next Mrs. Eric Forrester. Not like I would wish the Geez on anyone but they did look good together and they just made sense, you know? Now the Dirty Ol' Man has hurt another woman with his waffling. Jackie did not deserve this and I hope she gets even with him for yanking her chain. Does he think he is THAT much of a catch that all should be forgiven? He had quite the arrogant tone to his call Friday. I hope Girlfriend lets him have it right between the eyes!! She won't be too pleased with Brooke either and I hope the writers have her push Nick even harder in her direction to help stop this sick charade before someone gets pregnant for God's sake. I thought Eric got fixed, but no matter what, I can't stomach another Brooke Logan accidental pregnancy.

So where does this leave Nick? Floundering (excuse the pun) without anyone to screw on the Shady Marlin? He needs to grow 'some' and fight for the woman he has always wanted. Bridget will be fine with Dante running out at midnight for pickles and ice cream. Those two should be together anyway...makes sense and Bridget even alluded to it Friday when she mentioned getting someone that loved ONLY her and not her mother. GOOD FOR YOU! You need to become All Grown Up Barbie and move on with your life. You could do a lot worse than a hot Latin painter with nothing but time on his hands.

Rumor has it that Gaby is out and the actress has taped her last scenes for the show. Good riddance. Hopefully that means we don't have to stomach another 'fashion ho-down'. Thomas can keep it in his pants, go back to school, and learn a little something.

My head-scratchers for the week: did anyone catch Eric saying to his lawyer, The Cryptkeeper, the phrase 'I don't waffle on my decisions'? OMG!!!!! I broke the plate my lunch was sitting on that day when my JAW DROPPED DOWN ON IT!!!

How about that therapy session for the Couple of the Year? Could Ridge BE any more arrogant? So let me get this straight...EVERY man in LA desires Brooke Logan. HE will always desire Brooke Logan. TAYLOR is the one who has to get over it? Ok. Well, I have a psych degree and you wouldn't have to pay me $200 an hour to hear me give Taylor this educated piece of advice...'DUMP HIS ASS'. Pardon my French but since when did Brooke become the end-all-be-all that justified his sick obsession 24/7? Here's my resolution to this tired story...Ridge gets served divorce papers and Taylor rides off into the sunset with Hector on top of a fire truck. End of story.

Question of the week: Has this latest Triangle from Hell made you turn off the TV or are you willing to stay a loyal viewer no matter what?

By the way, if I hear any of these phrases any time soon, I am liable to go nuts myself: 'healing the family', committed to you and the baby', 'the past is behind us', 'his love for Bridget will grow in time', 'sacrificing for my daughter', 'not acting on our feelings, 'I can feel his love for me', etc. Brad, please stop hitting 'Copy' on that Xerox machine in your office. It's starting to show.



Who's on the Soapbox?

Polly writes... '...I have watched this show from its first airdate years ago and I am so bored and tired of watching Brooke and Stephanie fight...when will something interesting happen?'

Holly in SD. writes... '...I think Deacon should come back since he's into older women and he and Steph could have a little fling LOL! I am getting so frustrated with this show...great acting but plot and character development needs help!'

Until next week, stay in touch with your thoughts...it's the best part of my week when I hear from everybody!

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.
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