I apologize for the late posting of this week's Scoops. I found it hard to turn on the laptop and summon the energy to craft my weekly opus about B&B. See, the last week has brought about such a profound combination of amazement and disgust that for the first time in over a year, I have found myself with few words for what I seen. Today, as I sat down to have lunch and watch Round One of Wife Swap, I started to lose my taste for it all. It was a truly sad day indeed.
I have weathered the storms over the last few years with relative ease I believe. I cringed at the 'kiss heard round the world' between Ridge and Bridget. I survived two more Brooke Logan pregnancies and her affair with Deacon. I made it through the torturously slow Who's The Daddy debacle with DJ/RJ. I even cheered when Ridge 'died' in the foundry, only to have my hopes dashed with his rainforest resurrection. I carried on through the 'deaths' of Macy and Taylor (second time) and kept watching as Morgan was brought back for absolutely no good reason. I have watched teens be SORAS'ed at the speed of light and have prayed for the return of the ensemble cast of this show to bump the Brooke & Ridge Show if even for a little while. As with all of you devoted readers, I have suffered through it all and STILL kept watching (and writing) each week. Now things have taken a nasty and really rather misogynist turn for the worse. Let me explain...
For the last few days I have heard the phrase 'reconnect' uttered some 8 times by different characters, mostly by the Wooden One. He claims that spending time with both women at Barbie's Malibu Beach House will help him reconnect with each and thus help him decide who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Ok. Hey Brad, you can't be serious here! Could you actually dislike women that much? The writers have taken two strong female characters that, love them or hate them, have anchored this show for the last 15 years and reduced them to subservient Beverly Hills escorts. Each will be doing no more than auditioning for Ridge and using their unique wiles to lure him into picking them. Picking them...like apples off a tree!? Hey Doc, let's reconnect on the beach...and on that lounge chair...and on the kitchen floor! Hey, there's my Logan...let's say we doing some reconnecting in the closet...under the deck...and in the kitchen sink. Maybe he should just have both of them at the beach house together and let them duke it out in a mud puddle while he chugs a beer and plays judge? Is this really the same B&B I have watched all these years? No.
I understand that soaps are a highly fantastic slice of un-reality that is served up to distract us away from the tedious daily lives we all lead, but to watch this Stepford Wife Smackdown is just too painful to watch. Ridge is a CAKE-EATER and a PIG, plain and simple. I dare anyone to tell me different. Any self-respecting Ridge fan should be outraged that his character has taken this shift and become such a colossal horse's you-know-what. The same goes for fans of Taylor and Brooke. How can we enjoy watching these women do little more than grovel at Ridge's feet...a man that doesn't deserve EITHER woman? It is evident that before this story plays out to it's end (which should be right in time for Hell to freeze over), both women will be reduced to characters of little real significance. Brad, shame on you! This is not the way to stoke the fire of interest in this show. It's true...any publicity is good publicity but how many more long time viewers are you willing to sacrifice in the name of 'stirring the pot'?
Does all this mean I will stop watching? No, because no matter how disgusted I become with these stories, I have an obligation to check in each week to yell, scream and beat my chest on top of my soapbox to hopefully amuse you readers a little and spark some lively debate along the way. I enjoy writing this each week and my readership is second to none in my humble opinion. You all are great! I wish I could say the same about B&B right now.
Ok, enough bitching about what's wrong with the current stories...now I will tell you how they can be fixed now! First, have both Brooke and Taylor have lunch at the Café Russe and have the shared epiphany that neither needs Ridge and all his waffling back and forth. You either love one or the other and that's it! The kids don't need this indecision and neither do the women involved. Can't decide? See ya! Brooke finally goes back to Nick, admits her feelings are more than just 'buddies', and stops that farce of an engagement between him and Bridget. Bridget wises up and realizes that Mommy's cast-off's are not healthy for her and finds romance with either Dr. Mark or the newly returned CJ (please bring him back!). Taylor gives in to whatever weirdo feelings she has for this guy Dante and goes a few rounds with him in the bedroom as he is a thousand times better to look at onscreen than Ridge. Thomas and Gaby go off into the sunset and are never heard from again. Stephanie can spend the rest of her days consoling poor Widgie in his solitude and Eric can finally just come out and say he wants Brooke again. After all, he might as well have admitted that last week, right? The twins get a surprise at their new school...little D/E all grown up and looking for love! He's hot, young, and as full of himself as his father was. He's the town bad boy and is looking to deflower one of the twins. But which will it be? Stay tuned!
And while we are at it, Thorne and Darla have another anonymous Forrester grandchild under more sober conditions and Spectra rise to the top of the Fashion heap. Hector and Caitlin go...well, anywhere off screen. Mojo and Jackie come back into the picture to cause some problems for Stephanie and Eric and maybe even Ozzie could come back and make a play for Bridget as well. Do you get the picture here? There are lost opportunities all over the B&B universe...all the writers have to do is open their eyes!
Now, will all of this have any chance of happening? Probably not as the rantings of a columnist with no show business connections will have little influence in the world of sophomoric soap writing but as I have said in many past columns, I am still waiting for my ticket to Hollywood, Brad. Maybe a real fan of the show would do a better job, huh? Ahhhh, I can smell the tanning oil already!
In all fairness, there were some good scenes last week. I liked the father-daughter reunion at the press conference. Very heartwarming stuff and would have been even better had Ridge not been standing there like the cat that ate the canary. Did anyone catch the 'wife' reference made during his little introduction? Maybe all those blows to the head really have scrambled his brains a little? Even though they are likely still legally married, Brooke probably did not deserve to hear him introduce her like that publicly. I know I have been critical of Brooke's character in the past but I thought that was particularly harsh and cruel. She handled it well though. If it were me, all the reporters would have seen would have been my 4 inch pump flying out from behind the curtain and hitting Ridge upside his big fat head!
So are we now to believe that Eric will make a play for Brooke if Ridge picks Taylor at somebody's dying request? He was getting mighty cozy with Brooke last week and judging by Stephanie's reaction to their embrace, I would say there is a definite undercurrent there. NO NO NO! Haven't we had enough Brooke Logan Pinball for one lifetime? One says no, bounce to the other one. Get bored with that one, bounce over to the next and back and forth all over again. Maybe it's Brooke that should try 'reconnecting' with some men outside the Forrester family. Could be the best and healthiest thing her character has ever done. Eric, if you are getting bored with the silver haired meddler, take a tumble with Megan! She available and she's right outside your door everyday!
While I am on the subject of 'healthy' behavior, has anyone but myself noticed that Bridget is almost trying TOO hard to convince herself and everyone else that she trusts that Nick loves her, not her mother? Does the classic line from Shakespeare sound oddly appropriate...'Me thinks thou dost protest too much?' Me thinks that hits the nail on the head (not very literary but sums it up nicely). I realize she is getting hassled heavy by Stephanie but even when she is with Nick alone, it seems she is mirroring that 'have sex with me to make me believe you love me' behavior that her mother has done for years with Ridge. Sad, really...to write yet another female character with so little inner strength that they have no choice but to find it between the sheets. That marriage will be a train-wreck and I hope the spoilers are false...I don't want to see Nick and Bridget get married. What happens in Vegas should NEVER happen in Vegas!
So, let's recap...Ridge is busy reconnecting with his harem of wives, Thomas is playing white knight to his illegal alien girlfriend, and Stephanie is about to stroke out at any minute. WHEW! Somebody get me a drink cuz' it will be a long week!
One more thing...the question of the week! In the spirit of Father's Day, who among the B&B Daddies is your favorite and why? My favorite is probably Thorne. Though you don't see much of him or his daughter, you just get the sense that he is a devoted Dad. And a special Father's Day wish for my husband...I could not have dreamt of a better man to be Dad to my little guy. You're the best! Have a great rest of the week and I'll make sure I post much earlier this weekend!
Who's on the Soapbox?
Nanc' writes... '...I cannot believe how farcical the writing has become...how stupid do the writers think we are? I might start watching again if they brought in some new characters that actually STAY.'
Phyllistine writes... ...writers, get a clue...KKL is a good actress who needs better storylines...please let her dump Ridge for good...Brooke needs to focus on her children and career.'
Until next week, stay in touch with your thoughts...it's the best part of my week when I hear from everybody!