Oh no, he didn't. If my ears didn't deceive me, Paul Ryan decided to pimp out his girlfriend this week, in an effort to break up Dusty and Jen. I could see the wheels turning, after he discovered Jen and Dusty's new relationship.
Paul's need to control everything is out of control. He obviously has a God complex. First, he decided to lie to his sister that her baby was dead. Then, he manipulated Emily and Meg to keep the secret, too. What baffles me is why everyone is listening to this lunatic. His argument to protect the baby from its father makes no sense: CRAIG IS IN JAIL! And therein lies the problem with this fantastic tale.
As good as the baby story has been, the big, gaping hole is the lack of Craig Montgomery. It's really hard to believe that Paul is working so hard to keep a baby from a man who's locked away in prison and not even in town anymore. And Emily's overzealous efforts to thwart Meg from telling the truth make even less sense. However, I did love, love, love Meg's "Go to Hell" message to Paul. Now, if only she would have left the same note for Dusty, preferably in big, bold type, highlighted and underlined.
--Henry needs to get his money back for Maddie's outfit, pronto. As adorable as Maddie is, that outfit wouldn't look good on anyone.
--BJ Green should tread cautiously. Karate Katie is scary. Her kung-fu chop almost leveled Mike. But who could blame her for taking some martial arts classes? She's been stalked by Dahlia, Pilar and Simon's enemies. I'm thinking this next stalker may get more than he bargained for, when he tries to attack Katie.
--Poor Will. He maxed-out his credit card buying baby paraphernalia, just to have insensitive Jack and Carly leave that new carriage lying on the ground in a New York City park. Will, at least, should have been able to get a refund.
--I know I'm not supposed to like Iris, but I'm forever indebted to her. She got Cass Winthrop to come back to town. I know. I know. Yes, she's a horrible mother. And she's a walking fashion emergency. But, Oakdale needs a villain who's colorful and crass. Iris fits the bill and then some. Only she could justify lying to Gwen, by saying she was dishonest only because she couldn't tell her the truth. Coming from her, it made sense. And I couldn't help but chuckle when she called Barbara an "underfed clothes horse." This is just the kind of villain we've been missing. Can you imagine if she hooked up with Hal?
--Is BJ Green really dangerous? I'm not sure. His fear of cops is disconcerting. But it's hard to take a guy serious who has a chocolate-milk addiction. His laugh is evil, though. And he's certainly obsessed with Katie. But, I'm not sure if it's a boil-the-rabbit kind of obsessed or a "How-do-you-like-me-now?" kind of obsessed. After all, the guy did go from geek to billionaire. Maybe he just wants to show off.
--I wasn't sorry to see Carly get sent to the hoosegow. She's been nothing short of despicable to Gwen. It's nice to see people have to pay for their crimes. But, it seems like the show pulled a Martha Stewart in this situation. Carly's crime wasn't half as heinous as Barbara's list of wrongs, and she's roaming free in Oakdale.
--The best undressed award this week goes to Mike Kasnoff. The man can wear a towel. Dusty Donovan gets an honorable mention for his undressed attire in the hotel with Jen.
--The custody battle for Rory/Craig Jr./Billy has me so confused, I don't know who's going to get that kid. I thought Meg would spill the beans, and the baby would finally be with Jen. But, it appears she caved to Paul and Emily's pressure tactics. Any guesses as to who's getting this baby? I'm stumped and spoiler free.
--Apparently, Katie did some shopping on her trip out of town. Thumbs up to her new wardrobe. I loved her orange, print dress-and-shrug combo. And that black dress is gorgeous, too. And while I'm doling out the compliments, Terri Colombino just gets more beautiful each year. Kudos to the hair department, too. Katie's up-do was gorgeous.
--Did Luke drink the water in Mexico? He apparently picked up something south of the border. I'm not sure where this story is headed, other than to further isolate Keith from Lily's life.
--Is Dusty really in love with Jennifer? Or is this his hero complex in overdrive? That's how he started with Lucy, if I remember correctly. He became her protector and then her lover. Now, it seems he's headed down the same path with Jen. That's too bad. I had hoped he and Meg would reconnect. They have great chemistry.
--Maddie is destined to be a writer or an actress. Her fantasies are downright hilarious: First, Henry as Superman, and then BJ forcing Katie to do cheers. I can't wait to see what's next.
--I'm so glad Jen mentioned her marriage to Mike this week. It's nice to know someone remembered that they used to be married, albeit, briefly.
--As I predicted months ago, Carly and Gwen are sisters. It only makes sense with Rosanna off the canvas, that Carly have someone to conflict with. Gwen is feisty, with a heart of gold. Maybe, she can soften Carly a little, who has gotten way too abrasive of late.
--Is it wrong to think that Hal and Barbara should get back together? Both of them have sordid histories. He went nuts. She went nuts. They both drove Will nuts. Maybe it's time they put all that craziness behind them and reunite. The Munsons are dysfunction, at its best. Plus, imagine Thanksgiving dinner with Barbara, Hal, Emily, Paul and Will. Someone hide the carving knife.
Best Lines of the Week:
(Barbara greets Gwen and Will for the first time, after they return from kidnapping the baby.)
Barbara: "Lovely. Bonnie and Clyde."
(Barbara storms into the police station and demands to know why Emily is there.)
Hal: "She's explaining to me why Paul is paying Gwen Norbeck's legal bills, so she and the baby could leave town. According to Emily, it was for the benefit of all mankind."
Barbara: "Well, if there were benefits to be had, I'm sure Emily would be first in line."
(Iris and Barbara square off over Will and Gwen.)
Iris: "Tell me something honey, when was the last time a real man took a long hard look at you?"
Barbara: "What's your going rate? I'll let him know."
(Following yet another argument with Holden about Lily, Keith storms out of the room.)
Keith: "See ya around."
Holden: "Not if I can help it."
(From Two Scoops Tanika.)
"I so wanted Jen's baby to be Mike's. He has come so close in the past to having a baby. I was sure this baby was his. I wish he would at least ask how Jen is doing. I thought they made a way better couple than he and Katie. Katie is immature and weird. How much longer before Jen gets her baby? I really like how this character has turned out. She is great and keeps me watching. I hope she gives Paul Hell, when she finds out he and Emily have known about this for months."
(From Two Scoops Becky.)
"There should be standing room only for Dr. Michaels' couch! And for once, I don't mean Bar-Bar, Will, or Jen. How about Brother Paul, who is doing everything in his power to keep his sister away from her baby? And his crazy sidekick (I'd do-ANYTHING-to-keep-my-man), gone-completely-brain dead, Emily? (But I do like the curls.) But when she goes over to the dark side, she really goes! How about the latest man who wants Katie so badly he's willing to do anything, up to and including bumping off Mike? How about her last husband who swore he'd do anything for his "Bubbles," and now for a buck is willing to aid and abet (or at least look the other way) while this stalker stalks? And Carly? Please. Don't get me started. She could keep a team of shrinks in tissues for years! And Jack's gone bad, and that ain't good. Isn't there a country music song in there somewhere? Love your column!"
That's all for now Scoopers! See ya next time.